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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that school gate politics is worse than school playground politics

61 replies

rickymummy · 31/01/2011 17:21

I am a 39 years old woman, and was pleased to have left playground politics behind many many years ago.

Now I find myself in a postion where one of the mums at school is "not talking" to me. No idea why, can't think of any reason why it started and, when I approached her and asked why, she just said she didn't want to talk about it.

As far as I am aware, there are three other mums she is also "not talking" to.

I am, of course, rising above it, and trying my hardest not avoid gossip etc, but I see her every day; she comes and talks to whoever I am chatting to but blanks me. Pulls her child away if our children try and walk together....

I know it's her and it shouldn't get to me, but I just needed an rant.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 31/01/2011 17:22

I quite miss the school playground.............. now I don't have to do it Wink

AMumInScotland · 31/01/2011 17:26

Poor you - at least she's "not talking" to other people too though, so it should be clear enough that she's the weirdo and you haven't actually done anything.

oldraver · 31/01/2011 18:14

Blanking you, while not nice, is one thing but gatecrashing a conversation you're having and then blanking you is downright nasty. Could you not say " I think it very rude of you to ignore me" or ask in front of the other person what the problem is

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 18:15

Laugh at her.

Openly laugh.

She deserves your contempt. Silly woman.

Gemsy83 · 31/01/2011 18:17

I know a woman like this- she will also text me at random and say hello when it suits. I think she has proper personality issues though so try not to take it to heart.

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 18:19

What can you do if she won't say what it is??

Sounds a bit random, usually the other person would tell you if you've offended them in some way.

But to totally blank you Confused

It's why I steer clear of getting too chatty.

Sounds like it's better you know she's like this though, but it's her problem not yours.

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:20

I am very very much looking forward to mine going to Senior School

KateEring · 31/01/2011 18:25

This kind of things drives me mad! So childish and usually unnecessary.

Have your dc mentioned anything that has gone on in the playground with her child that maybe upset her? (Not suggesting you ask them btw.)

Don't let her get to you and for the sake of your dc try to resist the temptation to burn bridges with her as hopefully it will blow over and whatever has offended her, she will forget.

AgentZigzag · 31/01/2011 18:26

I hate this kind if shit though, like the OP says, it's bad enough when you're at school...Hmm

grumpypants · 31/01/2011 18:26

otoh, quite often people (esp school gate parents) become really annoying, and if they are just random parents i was prev a bit chatty with, i just avoid them. wouldn't worry - life's too short really.

KateEring · 31/01/2011 18:26

Jamie - my thoughts exactly but the politics continue there as well.......!

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:28

Oh God, really? - I though you just shoved them out the door and only met other parents at parents evening

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:29

thought

MattsBatt · 31/01/2011 18:29

I completely agree with Hecate

I've only read a few threads today but I've agreed with everything Hecate has said on all of them!

Short of moving house and sending your kids to a different school, there's not much else you can do except ignore the situation. This woman sounds like a right bully actually - I mean, how passive aggressive IS it to crash someone else's conversation whilst ignoring one of the participants? What a foul woman.

I also loathe the playground politics ... turning up five minutes late is a useful tactic as you can just run in, grab your DCs and leave. You shouldn't have to miss out on chatting with the nicer mums though. Sigh.

maristella · 31/01/2011 18:30

but with secondary school you don't have to hang around waiting at the gates! i was so relieved when DS started secondary. at his primary there was all sorts of unpleasantness at the school gates. it could be quite intimidating

HecateQueenOfWitches · 31/01/2011 18:31

Grin yeah, I'm on a roll.

Mondays are my Talk Sense days
Tuesdays are my Talk Shite days

And tbh, it just goes downhill from there...

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:31

Me too Matt. I have flitted about, agreeing with Hecate everywhere.

thunderbird69 · 31/01/2011 18:33

I'v come across a lot of strange mums over the years. Ones who will say hello and talk one day and ignore another day. I think it's all about being in the right clique. Personally I'm cliqueless.

KateEring · 31/01/2011 18:34

Nooooo....

You have them blanking you at pick up from parties when their little darling no longer likes your little darling.

You have little power plays on who offers to share lifts to things. Competitive meetings for coffee/lunch etc. No matter how much you decide to avoid it all you get sucked in for sake of oiling the wheels of dc's relationships.

It's a jungle out there Grin.

unfitmother · 31/01/2011 18:34

God how pathetic! I can't bear the school gate.
I make DH do the school run. Wink

MsKLo · 31/01/2011 18:35

I agree with queen hectate too!

Laugh at her - better still, get tog with the other mums she isn't talking to and all laugh at her together!

JamieLeeCurtis · 31/01/2011 18:36
MattsBatt · 31/01/2011 18:36

Hi JamieLee and Hecate - I must remember to log on to MN tomorrow then Grin

The whole mothers clique thing is just pathetic, and you can guarantee that the bossy/pushy/aggressive/cliquey mums are the ones who haven't changed one bit in the 10/20/30 years since they were at school.

The rest of us have, thankfully, grown up a bit Wink

FrameyMcFrame · 31/01/2011 18:37

Make a [point of smiling sweetly at her every day and saying 'Hi'.

grumpypants · 31/01/2011 18:40

the school run only matters if you have half an hour to hang around after chatting/ being invited for coffee. Most of them all went to school together (round here anyway) and you have zero chance of infiltrating. Just drop and go. Have something else to do, even if it's just emailing a RL friend. Working saves me from this stuff, and I use breakfast club as much as poss.
Do you care if someone who was never your friend blanks you? I quite often go off a mum based on something they have said or done, and am quite possibly one of those who now avoids people she used to chat to.
As long as your dc are happy, and you have a life beyond the playground you are fine.