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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that school gate politics is worse than school playground politics

61 replies

rickymummy · 31/01/2011 17:21

I am a 39 years old woman, and was pleased to have left playground politics behind many many years ago.

Now I find myself in a postion where one of the mums at school is "not talking" to me. No idea why, can't think of any reason why it started and, when I approached her and asked why, she just said she didn't want to talk about it.

As far as I am aware, there are three other mums she is also "not talking" to.

I am, of course, rising above it, and trying my hardest not avoid gossip etc, but I see her every day; she comes and talks to whoever I am chatting to but blanks me. Pulls her child away if our children try and walk together....

I know it's her and it shouldn't get to me, but I just needed an rant.

OP posts:
MrsDeidreIppy · 31/01/2011 18:42

Sounds hilarious, laugh at her and then throw something at her, then laugh again.

compo · 31/01/2011 18:46

Unfitmother - do you work then and dh is a sahp?

I know a couple who always pick up the kids together
maybe the wife can't drive but why can't her husband do it on his own or one of them wait in the car
it's complete overkill

unfitmother · 31/01/2011 20:45

We both work but DH works from home thus he gets the pleasure of the school run. Grin
I still have flashbacks of the school gates from my time as a SAHM though!

BeerTricksPotter · 31/01/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

taffetasplat · 31/01/2011 20:59

I'm in the "catch her eye and smile at her every day" camp

Don't sink to her level

missfairlie · 31/01/2011 21:01

I had a friend at school who used to blank me - sometimes it went on for weeks.
Now we are oldies sometimes she "ignores" me on Facebook Grin (I know, I know...)
She also posts status updates about school gate arguments she is having (elsewhere, thankfully).
Therefore I conclude some people are just like that, they never change, and if you are stuck with one in your crowd, there's nothing you can do. Just rise above it - you've gone back to the playground - some women never left it in the first place.

missfairlie · 31/01/2011 21:02

taffeta - that sort are great at looking right through you!

GypsyMoth · 31/01/2011 21:03

i can't understand why anyone would get involved with this crap,or even take any notice of it!!

taffetasplat · 31/01/2011 21:05

Its sort of irrelevant what their reaction is though - the main thing is you feel OK about yourself and don't have to overthink not looking at them etc. I would naturally smile and acknowledge someone I know - therefore its much less effort to just do this to her too.

Stase · 31/01/2011 21:09

Wow, I was quite looking forward to meeting new people at the school gates when DS starts in September. Sounds like my kind of hell though. I hated all that stuff at school and can't believe adults still feel the need for it.

taffetasplat · 31/01/2011 21:11

stase - its not everywhere. There's very, very little of it at my DC's school.

bibbitybobbityhat · 31/01/2011 21:13

She sounds slightly unhinged - but what has it got to do with the playground? This is where you happen to encounter her. She could just as easily be a neighbour or colleague or person in your book group.

mollymax · 31/01/2011 21:14

I know someone similar to this too.
We have children at school and pre school together, she also goes to the same toddler group as me.
I would have said we were friends, we have had coffee together etc.
She has recently started totally blanking me but talking to those around me.
I actually texted her to ask what her problem was, she said she was not doing it, but it continues!
I try not to let it bother me, her loss, but it does rankle.

onceamai · 31/01/2011 21:28

Never had much of this at the DC's primary. Ignore, smile sweetly and touch up your lippy before you go.

Bumblequeen · 31/01/2011 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

MosEisley · 31/01/2011 22:51

YANBU. The school run politics are a pain in the bum. No wise comments but loads of sympathy...

Dancergirl · 31/01/2011 22:55

I hate, hate, hate the playground and I still have years of it ahead with dd3 starting in reception in September.

I try not to get involved at all now - there are a couple of mums at school I would call friends and everyone else I am polite to and smile and say good morning or whatever. But mainly I just focus on the dds when they come out - they like my attention after school and I would rather talk to them.

This whole 'not talking' thing is v childish. Ignore it.

Jajas · 31/01/2011 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
rickymummy · 01/02/2011 07:22

Thanks everyone.

I do actually quite enjoy the school run. Lots of lovely parents, and not too much gossip.

I'm certain this particular lady has a lot of "issues", but I think she is just downright rude. You wouldn't let your seven year old behave the way she is behaving.

Thing is, it is just uncomfortable, and I see her EVERYWHERE. In the supermarket, at the gym, when I take the children swimming. It must be so exhausting for her, having to put her head down and avoid me Wink

OP posts:
Jajas · 01/02/2011 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prettymuchapixiegirl · 01/02/2011 09:14

I've had that in the past with a couple of mums, years ago when DD1 was at primary school. They just suddenly stopped talking to me. My parents went to look round the house of one of them as it was on the market, and when my parents decided not to buy it, the woman and her next door neighbour both stopped talking to me. They also got their daughters to be nasty to DD at school. Very odd. People like that are best ignored.

shnorbetta · 15/09/2011 20:31

Sat in bed crying about the two faced, bitchy women at my childrens school! How sad is that at 33yrs old! Some of these People are ment to be friends!! Speak one day the next I feel like i have the plague. I dread pick up time instead of looking forward to seeing my children.

BatsUpMeNightie · 15/09/2011 20:38

Damned happiest day of my life when DS went to secondary! I am sure this crap goes on at every single primary school in the land and for the life of me I don't know why? What does anyone get from it? Ghastly behaviour.

shnorbetta · 15/09/2011 20:56

whenever i am stood with this one paticular person my so called friend who is also her friend seems to act odd towards me, as though she doesnt want to seem to friendly towards me, but when this person isnt around its shall we go for a coffee, excepts all my daughters clothes etc this so called friend came and stood next to me with this person the other day and knowing i had been really poorly half heartedly felt like she had to ask me how i was not wanting an answer and looked away. then never spoke again, and stood next to us! Then the next day gushing whilest on her own! Was i right today to be semi off by just saying hello and walking to speak to someone else?

Wafflenose · 15/09/2011 21:03

Glad I'm not the only one.

Some months ago, someone I'd thought was a friend (not a close one, but I knew her, had looked after her child and she'd been round to my house) sent a nasty text about me and my child to a mutual friend - or at least she meant to. She actually sent it to me by accident! At the time, I was overloaded at work, my grandad was dying and I was deeply upset by this on top of everything else. I sent her a really nice message back, just so she'd know I'd received hers, along the lines of hope you're all ok, I never meant any offense etc (I had done nothing wrong to start with!) and she hasn't spoken to me since, except once when we bumped into each other and I smiled and said "Hi!" really cheerily in front of lots of other people.