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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ring dh and ask him to come home?

116 replies

Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:15

Dh has gone out for bil birthday to a restaurant in canary wharf. Dh is a doctor and has had a mega busy week and has not been home til after 9pm every night this week. He is also working this weekend.

We have a ds ten months who is teething and wants to be on the move all the time. I am absolutely knackered and to top it off I have an abcess on my nipple for which I'm on antibiotics but it's making me feel feverish and really unwell.

I did ask dh not to go but bil is going through a split with my sister and dh feels he needs to support him during this rough time.

Dh left at 7, they are not sitting down to eat until 930 so it will at least 1 before they get home. I don't think I can manage. I know I sound pathetic but ds won't go to sleep and I need to get into bed I feel so rough.

Would ibu to ring dh?

OP posts:
Vallhala · 29/01/2011 20:19

I wouldn't do it but it's your husband, your call (excuse the pun). I'd be inclined to dose myself and babe with painkillers, put him to bed doing whatever I needed to do - toys, light-toy-thingy on, mobiles, letting him cry for a while if necessary, and go to bed myself.

That doesn't mean that YABU though, it's just horses for courses.

Original poster
Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:21

Ds is munching a rice cake because it's the only thing thats keeping him quiet. I did put him in the cosleeper but he yelled and yelled and I couldn't stand it. I feel so strung out on these anitbiotics.

I think I'm gonna ring him.

OP posts:
Ladyofthehousespeaking · 29/01/2011 20:21

Aw no, poor thing- can you not just get into bed with ds, get nice toys for him to play with and stick a DVD on?

Do have sister/mum/friend who can help you 2mo?

traceybath · 29/01/2011 20:21

Like Vallhala I probably wouldn't call but I'm a martyr which is rather stupid to be honest.

There's no right or wrong answer really - give him a call and say you're struggling and hopefully he'll come home. Provided I guess that he's not the only one out with your bil.

Hope you feel better soon - being poorly and looking after a teething baby is hard.

maryz · 29/01/2011 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

traceybath · 29/01/2011 20:22

Piggy - have you given DS calpol/homeopathic granules?

McHobbes · 29/01/2011 20:23

Agree with Valhalla - you wouldn't be being unreasonable, but it's not something I would do myself.

Original poster
Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:23

There's about ten of them so dh wouldn't have been missed.

Just tried to call. Went to voicemail. Great.

OP posts:
moondog · 29/01/2011 20:23

I wouldn't.
Leave him be.
Not much he can do for you and the baby will be asleep soon.

Pumpster · 29/01/2011 20:24

I would ride it out tbh, I'd feel guilty and more importantly I'd be peeved if it was the other way round. Do what you need to do though!

Meglet · 29/01/2011 20:24

Sad. I would call him. I get sick on anti-b's and know how ill they make me feel. A grumpy baby is one thing, but being ill too is miserable.

If he really can't come home will he take over tomorrow so you can rest all day?

Original poster
Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:24

Given ds calpol but it makes him a bit hyper. Got some nelson teetha so might try that.

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 29/01/2011 20:25

I wouldn't.

Neither of you are really seriously ill. It seems a bit unfair on your dh who has been working so hard this week - it isn't like he has been out having fun, he's been working.

coppertop · 29/01/2011 20:27

I thought at first that BIL was your dh's brother but now see he's your sister's soon-to-be ex. And yet he's more of a priority to your dh than you? Confused

I hope you're feeling better soon, OP.

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 20:27

I think it really does depend on how bad you feel.I have done it before though where I have felt ill and dh was out, kids played me up all day and it was bed time, still playing up I thought I was going to loose it!

I knew at that moment it was the best thing for me to do, I was exhausted and could not bare another minute.It is a hard one to call but it is up to you.Just explaine to him how your feeling, hopefully he will understand.

Original poster
Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:27

Meglet he's working tomorrow on a long day. I think im a bit pissed off because he knows how antibiotics affect me.

OP posts:
sevendwarves · 29/01/2011 20:28

YANBU to wish he would come home, but I wouldn't ask him to unless you really can't manage.

Do you have any friends nearby who can help you out?

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 29/01/2011 20:29

I wouldn't call.

Put your baby to bed and then go to bed yourself.

What can your husband do?

(wonders if the fact that she is now surrounded by single mums due to all their husbands being deployed to a war zone - is warping her thought process)

TubbyDuffs · 29/01/2011 20:30

Yes it can be bloody hard work, but your DS is 10 months, so presumably you are quite used to dealing with him.

Although you may feel a bit pissed that he is out and you are stuck at home with baby, hang off ringing him.

If he is home, what is going to change, are you going to sleep, not hear the baby crying?

Get the teething powders out, calpol, whatever works and put baby to bed.

Sorry, but it sounds to me that you have decided already that tonight is going to be really hard work. You posted at 8.15. Chances are that your baby will be fast asleep well before your husband gets home.

If baby is still awake at say 11pm, ring him and ask him to come home, but give baby a chance to prove you wrong.

dearprudence · 29/01/2011 20:30

It depends. Is your DH nice and supportive to you most of the time? Is he a hands-on dad? Is this night out a rare occurance?

If yes, then it's a shame if he has to cut short a night out when he's had such a busy week. I wouldn't call unless I absolutely had to.

Agree with others who say get the baby into your bed and just try and settle down together.

mummyshreddingnora · 29/01/2011 20:30

I wouldn't blame you if you called at all... I had awful mastitis when DS was about 4 months... I felt like death! Literally had the telly on and let DD take care of herself (3!) and zombied out whenever DH was out - whenever he was home he was taking her to the park etc so she didn't go stir crazy, but it is awful - its the fluey symptoms that are the worst!

pointydug · 29/01/2011 20:31

I wouldn't call.

However, I'd text him, tell him I was having a rough night and could he do the early shift tomorrow to let you recover. That way, he shouldn't get pished and leave you in the lurch tomorrow morning.

maryz · 29/01/2011 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manicbmc · 29/01/2011 20:31

YANBU who's more important to him? Your soon to be ex bil who is out with a load of mates? Or his under-the-weather wife with a teething baby?

McHobbes · 29/01/2011 20:32

"Meglet he's working tomorrow on a long day. I think im a bit pissed off because he knows how antibiotics affect me."

See now, when you say that, I then start to think you're being melodramatic, sorry.

He's not your dad.

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