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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ring dh and ask him to come home?

116 replies

Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:15

Dh has gone out for bil birthday to a restaurant in canary wharf. Dh is a doctor and has had a mega busy week and has not been home til after 9pm every night this week. He is also working this weekend.

We have a ds ten months who is teething and wants to be on the move all the time. I am absolutely knackered and to top it off I have an abcess on my nipple for which I'm on antibiotics but it's making me feel feverish and really unwell.

I did ask dh not to go but bil is going through a split with my sister and dh feels he needs to support him during this rough time.

Dh left at 7, they are not sitting down to eat until 930 so it will at least 1 before they get home. I don't think I can manage. I know I sound pathetic but ds won't go to sleep and I need to get into bed I feel so rough.

Would ibu to ring dh?

OP posts:

McHobbes · 29/01/2011 20:32

As in...the way antibiotics affect you is not his responsibility - there's nothing he can do?

pointydug · 29/01/2011 20:32

ah, he's working tomorrow.

What time will he leave the house? Maybe you could still get a lie-in.

Monkeytoo · 29/01/2011 20:33

Seems like I'm the only one but I would call. You're ill and you need some rest so you don't get worse. I'm sure you've also had a hard week so think you should probably have come before a night out.

orienteerer · 29/01/2011 20:34

I wouldn't call him. He's worked until 9pm every night and is at work tomorrow...........let him relax a little?

valiumredhead · 29/01/2011 20:35

No way would I ring him. Your ds will conk out soon and then you can go to bed. Hope you feel better soon.

SummerRain · 29/01/2011 20:36

I wouldn't call him.

Take ds to bed with you, he'll probably be more inclined to sleep if you're there too and you need the rest anyway.

Or else flop out on the couch and wait for him to run it off and fall asleep.

Neither option is going to be any easier with dh there for moral support and tbh, it sounds like he's had a rotton week too and needs the break.

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 20:36

I think work is hard but so is looking after a young child when you are also ill.I sometimes hate being in on my own and the thought of another day on my own sometimes gets me down.So thinking of that with also being ill at the same time I don't blame you for feeling defeated so early on.

He sounds like he does work hard but I am assuming you do too, sometimes having someone there just to take the baby off your hands is a help.Might not stop the baby from crying but at least you have a extra pair of hands.

Just hope you feel better soon.

Monkeytoo · 29/01/2011 20:38

The thing is - I think you've been working till 9 (or past if your baby isn't sleeping) every night too technically and really you're still working now, and there's no calling in sick when you're a mum is there? As much as you love your children they are hard work!

Mobly · 29/01/2011 20:38

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. You are unwell. I think family comes first and there is no need for you to be suffering when he could be helping. BIL will still have 9 mates I'm sure he can cope.

Send your DH a text explaining the situation.

Idlewild · 29/01/2011 20:40

You poor thing. YANBU to want him to come home. I hope DS calms down soon and that you start to feel better.

Original poster

Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:40

He just called. He said he's not coming home yet asvit wouldn't be fair to bil as he's very down.told him how crap i feel ( also just looked at boob, bright red on lower half and really hot) but he told me to go to bed

There we are then.

OP posts:

spidookly · 29/01/2011 20:41

I would not call because I would not have had a fucking bar of needing to support his BIL if I was sick and struggling to cope with our baby.

The "men just need to have fun" martyrs on mn get treated like shit by their husbands, so I wouldn't listen to them.

rookiemater · 29/01/2011 20:41

Going against the other responses but I think YANBU. Your DH works long hours, which means by default you spend long hours on your own parenting. I'm not one of those who believe that being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world etc etc and I'm sure your DH is mega busy doing good and worthy work, but with those hours when does he get to see his DS?

Surely on one of the rare times he is not working and you are not well then he would want to look after his wife, why should you have to piddle about trying to find friends and neighbours or gritting your teeth. He is your DH he should be supporting you.

I don't get this mumsnet martyrdom I really don't. If the tables were reversed I would find it extremely hard to walk out on a 10 month child I hadn't seen all week and a poorly hubby strung out on antibiotics to enjoy a birthday meal with someone.

tethersend · 29/01/2011 20:41

If it were the other way round, would he call you?

If yes, then call.

If no, then leave it.

traceybath · 29/01/2011 20:41

Oh dear Piggy.

How long have you been taking the anti-biotics - any chance they're still kicking in?

pointydug · 29/01/2011 20:42

Could he give you a lie-in tomorrow or not? Is he working out of the house tomorrow or on call?

spidookly · 29/01/2011 20:42

Well at least you know where you are in his order of priorities.

Nowhere.

monkeyflippers · 29/01/2011 20:43

I think people are being a bit harsh.

Why has he gone out til 1am if he has a long day at work tomorrow. Isn't that a bit irresponsible?

How is it that antibiotics affect you?

You do sound in greater need then your BIL but only YOU know if you really need help. Don't call him back cos you're pissed off though, only if you really need help.

Fevers and chills are horrible.

Original poster

Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:44

Since yesterday Tracey. The more engorged it's getting the worse it is. Tried expressing but so painful

OP posts:

spidookly · 29/01/2011 20:44

Yes, when you leave your sick husband alone with your baby, how do you react if he calls to tell you he's not coping?

pointydug · 29/01/2011 20:45

It sounds like maybe there are other things going on in your relationship just now.

traceybath · 29/01/2011 20:46

I'd be tempted to get to out of hours about your boob - sounds awful.

Do think your DH should have come home when theres so many others out with your bil really.

tethersend · 29/01/2011 20:46

Good point, spidookly.

Have changed mind. He should be there.

McHobbes · 29/01/2011 20:46

It's not martyrdom on MY behalf!

I wouldn't like to be called away from a social night out to care for a not-that-ill adult, and being the far more social of my husband and I, know he would never ever do that to me. So I wouldn't do it to anyone else.

It's nothing to do with 'men must have fun' but 'I must have fun'

Wormshuffler · 29/01/2011 20:47

pointydug no it doesn't! she feels crap enough already!

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