To ring dh and ask him to come home?

[Piggyleroux]

Dh has gone out for bil birthday to a restaurant in canary wharf. Dh is a doctor and has had a mega busy week and has not been home til after 9pm every night this week. He is also working this weekend.

We have a ds ten months who is teething and wants to be on the move all the time. I am absolutely knackered and to top it off I have an abcess on my nipple for which I'm on antibiotics but it's making me feel feverish and really unwell.

I did ask dh not to go but bil is going through a split with my sister and dh feels he needs to support him during this rough time.

Dh left at 7, they are not sitting down to eat until 930 so it will at least 1 before they get home. I don't think I can manage. I know I sound pathetic but ds won't go to sleep and I need to get into bed I feel so rough.

Would ibu to ring dh?

Tubby - but she's done that and basically he didn't care.
And about the routine etc - OP said the DS is teething, which can throw things out a little as I recall!

No point really in my posting this, since I see your husband has said he's not coming home, but I disagree with the posters who are saying that because you can do something if you have to (in this case cope with a teething baby when you feel rotten yourself) you should do it. I wouldn't leave my DH to cope in a similar situation unless I had a really good reason for it (like work), and I wouldn't expect him to leave me to either. So YANBU, but I don't think that helps you very much.

I wonder if the dh would have been quite so keen on supporting his soon-to-be-ex-BIL if it had involved sitting in McDonalds rather than a Canary Wharf restaurant?

Yep Clenched I have read the thread, but he original question was whether she should ring him.

Obviously now she has and he has given her an answer, its a whole new thread, as to whether she should be pissed off with him or not!

I know OP said that DS is teething, and as I said I have three children, one who is currently teething, but I haven't had much trouble with them, I guess I am just very lucky.

Absolutely agree with spidookly. YANBU. I wouldn't leave a poorly dh alone with teething baby even if I had plans. For both of their sakes (and wouldn't expect him to leave me). Its miserable not being well esp when you're probably going to be up with a baby. So sometimes we have to cancel nights out - thats life.

Not sure why being a Dr is an excuse. Doesn't he know that the OP will recover faster given the chance to get some rest? Don't think you should have to be on your death bed before he agrees to come home from the pub.

A decent and caring husband wouldn't have bloody gone in the first place.

His wife and child should always be the priority, no ifs or buts.

Really hope youre ok op
dh could come home with bil so he still has some company
hopefully your ds is asleep now and you can get some rest

I think it's a case of different strokes for different folks on this one.

I have only once required my dh's presence in looking after the kids when ill, and that was a flu bug that left me plastered to the bed practically halucinating with fever. He took two days off work on his own volition - and thank God he did. I was too fucked to know WHAT was going on. The other handful of times I have just got on with it, as I would expect my dh to too.

Other than that we are both of the 'yes, it's shite, but that's life' persuasion. I wouldn't expect to stop in because my dh was feeling under the weather....he would (and has) just get on with it.

I'm not saying the OP should or should not have rung her dh by the way...that is entirely at her own discretion - but I AM questioning the creeping tone of 'he doesn't love you/care about you' that's coming into this debate.

Like SummerRain says - perhaps the OP is given to melodramatics? With the statement 'he knows how antibiotics affect me' as if that should have any sway, I am tending towards that pov too. Sorry OP. I certainly hope you are feeling better soon though. Mastitis is no fun. Been there.

Also realise I seem hard hearted, but there you go.

Well as a single father if I was ill and had to breastfeed...how hang on that can't work.

I don't get treated like shit by my husband either, nor am I a martyr.

I divorced the bastard years ago!

Apparently it can Truckulente.... you just have to stimulate the nipples long enough

Bangs head on table. We all know that the OP can cope, but surely the point of being married is that you support your loved one and cherish them particularly when they need your support

Op i hope you are ok

he should have come home, big whoop he misses a night out, i am sure there will be others, it wouldnt have been the end of the world

Summerain- stimulate whose nipples?
I'm game.

I think I might just text dh (if mine) to say get yourself back here or stayin a hotel myself.

If you don't have to do something on your own why the hell should you? And why is he supporting soon to be ex bil, what about solidarity to your family? And your sister?

Of course, I don't know you OP and if you are prone to the melodramatics (not saying you are!) then perhaps he thinks you are crying wolf. Or he just has the typical dr mentality that his own family doesn't do ill. Bugs me that!

I don't think OP is being unreasonable...it is just as much his child as hers and quite frankly, its a long day and a long week if you have the baby every day, all day while Dh is out and if he's working again at the weekend, that's hard enough without being sick as well

Yes I know her DH has been working all week but tbh, working is a piece of piss compared to a grumpy, teething toddler!

A compromise at least would be nice - eg he eats the meal and leaves right after - a few hours out is better than nothing at all

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable either....but I do think those hinting at her husband being a cold fish are a bit

Remember....he knows the OP a damn sight better than we do.

Maybe he IS a prick...maybe the OP is a whinge....we don't know.

oh look] a quick google suggests you only have to will yourself to lactate and it will happen....

So why have i spent 6 years bloody well doing it if dp just had to will himself to do it

True. I tend to judge from my own experience. My ex was a knob who went out drinking every day leaving me in with twins, whether we were all ill, well or somewhere in between.

Does the OP get a night out?

I don't really understand how the OP saying 'he knows how antibiotics affect me' makes her sound prone to melodramatics?!?! I'm assuming they make her feel really unwell and yes her hub should know that.

I think with a poorly wife and a teething child that he should have stayed home. Yes he's had a long week at work, so I imagine that the Op's had a long week at home looking after their child and feeling unwell.

Am really surprise how many people wouldn't call, and surprised OPs husband hasn't come home. I would, and I'm pretty sure my DH would come home if I asked.