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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ring dh and ask him to come home?

116 replies

Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:15

Dh has gone out for bil birthday to a restaurant in canary wharf. Dh is a doctor and has had a mega busy week and has not been home til after 9pm every night this week. He is also working this weekend.

We have a ds ten months who is teething and wants to be on the move all the time. I am absolutely knackered and to top it off I have an abcess on my nipple for which I'm on antibiotics but it's making me feel feverish and really unwell.

I did ask dh not to go but bil is going through a split with my sister and dh feels he needs to support him during this rough time.

Dh left at 7, they are not sitting down to eat until 930 so it will at least 1 before they get home. I don't think I can manage. I know I sound pathetic but ds won't go to sleep and I need to get into bed I feel so rough.

Would ibu to ring dh?

OP posts:
orienteerer · 29/01/2011 20:47

Put this in perspective..........:

  1. Your DH is a Dr so has some knowledge of your problem.
  2. He is actually in the UK at this moment, therefore able to come home if requiredShock...
Just a thought!!
TubbyDuffs · 29/01/2011 20:48

I certainly don't get treated like shit by my husband and I am definitely not a martyr!

My husband goes out probably once or twice a month, about the same as me, and he would stay home if he thought I needed him. If he had already gone out, he wouldn't expect a phone call, as it had probably been agreed already that he was ok to go out.

This was in answer to spidookly's sweeping generalisation by the way!

valiumredhead · 29/01/2011 20:48

If he would come home for you if the situation were reversed, I'd ring him and ask him what to do about your boob, he might offer to come home.

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 20:48

Just out of curiosity when do you get your break?

rookiemater · 29/01/2011 20:49

Boo flippin hoo for soon to be exBIL, does he know that you are unwell, is your DH the only one out with him?

I had mastitis even though I only bf for about a week and it was horrendous. I'd feel really crap if I was expected to get through something like that on my own.

I had a similar situation which I posted about on MN I will not distract with the details, but was horrified by a lot of people with the, oh he must have his rest time bollocks.

Sorry that he phoned and said he wasn't coming home, that's just crap. Take yourself to bed and hope you feel better soon

AllGoodNamesGone · 29/01/2011 20:49

If he had a big abcess on his backside and was on antibiotics and feeling fluey, would you leave him with a teething baby and go out with a friend who was feeling down?

Thought not.

Mastitis is horrible.

YANBU. He is.

pointydug · 29/01/2011 20:50

I am saying that because of the rather cold response she got from dh on the phone. Sounds like either he is a bastard or there's been something going on recently that is causing you not to get on too well.

Truckulente · 29/01/2011 20:51

I wouldn't have gone out and left my ill wife with a baby. So he's out of order.

dearprudence · 29/01/2011 20:51

FWIW, I think he is BU to actually say no when you did call him. Seems an odd kind of reaction.

If my DH called me, I'd assume that things must be really bad and come home. But only because I know he wouldn't call me unless he really had to (and vice versa).

WimpleOfTheBallet · 29/01/2011 20:52

Won't he have been drinking though? How is he going to be of any help then?

Original poster
Piggyleroux · 29/01/2011 20:52

Thanks everyone. Am gonna take ds up now and
drug rock him to sleep.

OP posts:
traceybath · 29/01/2011 20:52

I wonder if its because he's a medic that he downplays his wife's illness [seen that before].

Am quite cross on your behalf now though - he should get home and bring some strong anti-biotics/pain-killers for you too [probably not allowed and v inappropriate to do that]

traceybath · 29/01/2011 20:53

Presumably he won't be drinking much if he's working tomorrow.

winnybella · 29/01/2011 20:53

Hmm. Tbh, there's no way in hell my DP would be out enjoying himself while I was at home ill with a teething baby. Unless it was an important business meeting or a friend he hasn't seen for years was in town for one night, that sort of thing.

He's being a bit of a dick, imo. I'm sure BIL will be ok with all the other mates, you're his wife, fgs. He should be there to deal with the baby so you can get some rest.

spidookly · 29/01/2011 20:53

I would never leave my sick husband to look after a baby because I love him.

I would never agree to look after a baby when I was unwell because I'm not a doirmat.

Quite often I have to forgo fun to attend to my responsibilities. I think you'd have to be a real cunt to leave someone as sick as the op alone with a baby. I wouldn't leave a friend in that situation, never mind the other parent of my child.

rookiemater · 29/01/2011 20:55

I think his response is because he is a doctor. Technically he as well as we know that the antibiotics will kick in at some point and relieve the situation. He also knows that whilst the OP is in pain ( or probably from his perspective "discomfort") she is at no real risk of her conditioning worsening. Oh he also know that as the OP can cope all the time on her own, then she can cope whilst he is out socialising.

However it seems that he hasn't considered the position from that of a loving spouse. Doesn't mean he is bad or evil, perhaps working all those hours have blunted his perspective somewhat. Sadly it does seem like a conversation is in order but leave it until the OP is feeling a bit better.

pointydug · 29/01/2011 20:55

So have you not been getting on of late?

suzikettles · 29/01/2011 20:56

Oh honey, that sounds so sore Sad

Have you got ibuprofen? If so then take it - anti-inflamatory.

Also alternate hot and cold facecloths as a compress on your breast can help. Do try to perservere with the expressing if you can. If you can clear the blockage you'll feel better quicker.

"Combing" the breast with your fingers around the site of the blockage can help too. If you can do it in the shower with hot water focussed on the sore area that can help.

All much easier to do when you don't have a baby to handle as well. I've been there and it's miserable.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 29/01/2011 20:58

why should you struggle on why he swans around drinking with mates, and then leaves you tomorrow all day too. I would call, but see you already did.
I struggle though with flu last week and its taken forever to get over it and why should we if DH isnt working.,
good luck x

suzikettles · 29/01/2011 20:58

Can you get ds to feed with his chin pointing in the direction of the blockage? You might have to get into a funny position but feeding can be more effective than expressing and sometimes feeding in your normal position misses the bit that's blocked.

mommmmyof2 · 29/01/2011 21:00

My dh has gone out when I have been ill in the past looking after 2 children, especially when it comes to his football (still raw over argument today) anyway he is a idiot too sometimes.But if I was ill enough to call and ask for his help then he would no there was a problem.

He don't like it though I may add but then that is life and women are not super human!despite what we have to put up with Grin

SummerRain · 29/01/2011 21:01

I tend to go out more often than dp and have left him with the non sleeping baby and sick kids before.

I'd be fairly Hmm if he rang and asked for help as I've had to deal with three children while violantly ill when he was at work and survived so i'd expect him to manage.

Mastitis is horrid but the best thing to do with it is go to bed with baby and force encourage baby to drain the affected boob.... hubby being home is a bit irrelavant.

Maybe he responded like that as the OP has a bit of a history of melodramatics?

spidookly · 29/01/2011 21:02

Even a doctor should be able to work out that sick people are unable to care for children properly because they have a tendency to be distracted by feeling like utter shite.

He's being unfair to his son as well as his wife.

They both need him and he's nowhere.

McHobbes · 29/01/2011 21:06

What SummerRain said.

I have left my hubby ill at home with three kids and gone out for fun before - he'd never expect me to stop in because he was feeling off. And yes, I do love my husband, but I have had to look after all the kids while ill before...so can he.

TubbyDuffs · 29/01/2011 21:09

I'm probably being unfair on the OP, as I have 3 children and they have all been really good sleepers and have gone to bed (even when teething) at a decent hour.

I assumed (probably wrongly) that by 10 months the baby would be in a routine whereby he would be asleep at a decent time.

Sorry if this sounds patronising, I don't mean it to, like I say I have been lucky with my three that bedtime has been 7pm with all of them from 6 months at the latest.

I realise that if this is your first baby and you are ill and need the support of your husband, that isn't a bad thing and it really is up to you to ring him or text him and let him know how you are feeling.

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