to dislike dh's expressions for doing a poo

[Longstocking2]

I particularly dislike:
"I'm just going to drop the kids off at the pool."

and

"I'm just going to go and log on"

Sometimes he spares me all artifice and just says, unadorned "I've got to go and take a s**t now"

Charmant!

at log on!

How about "going to lay a brown cable"?

BTW, does he actually need to tell exactly what he's doing when he adjourns to the smallest room?

YANBU. What would you prefer though?

YANBU. It's vile. My DH sometimes refers to an "enemy at the gates" and I curse myself for trying so hard to keep our sex life alive and well when he utters such monstrosities.

My boss says he's going to turn his bike round.

i thought you were talking about his facial expression and was going to say 'don't look'

My DP talks about 'sending an old friend off to the coast'.

Or alternatively, if he's just going for a wee, he's off to 'ease springs'.

Longstocking I'm actually laughing out loud at 'log on'.

Could be worse, I work woth someone who annouces their need to defecate as "gotta go, the turtles head is out" or "Can't stop, I'm touching cloth"

I do aloways tell OH that I'm going to the toilet - not sure why it'snot like we live in a mansion and the toilet is another county wing

Never been sure quite why some men think it is essential to share this information in the first place. Who needs to know? Perhaps I'm very lucky here but my dp would never, ever, announce that he was off for a pony. Or a shit, for that matter.

OP, start doing the same.

"Just going for a pony & trap, darling"

Most of the time, though, he just takes the sport pages out of the paper and says 'See you in a bit'.

Bell - my DH also refers to the turtle's head. Touching the cloth?

My DH says "Lay a length of brown Axminster"

I am actually weeping at: "'sending an old friend off to the coast'." Manatee, that is fabulous I respect him for that. And Ease springs is at least quite poetic.
honeybee pmsl at "enemy at gates"!! That is very very funny.

marlin he sometimes says the cable one... not nice however funny...!
duplicitous

sayjay I'd prefer, "I've just got to go to the loo" that's what I would always say.
I don't feel the need for an international audience to be kept abreast of my defecatory needs....

Mind you, I had a female friend who used to refer to weeing as "shaking the lettuce"

Lol @JLC

I hate "turtling!" he sometimes shouts that too while running towards the smallest room.

hate "touching cloth" too, what kind of viz reading pervert thought of that?

They're all trapped perpetually within their anal stage no?

I don't get the one about turning the bike around? Why don't I get that?

It's not "turtle's head" in our house, it "monkey knuckle". Grim!

My DH prefers "I'm just going for a head-squeeze" Bleurgh. Men are so minging.

also don't get the bike turning round one?

I know a woman who used to say she was 'going to wet the beard' when she had a wee. Eugh.

YANBU. Have also heard "drop Mrs Brown and the kids off at the pool"

To be fair I do sometimes bug DH for details as to his plans (well not details!) when he heads to the bathroom as we only have one loo/bathroom and I need to know whether it will be out of action for 2 mins or half an hour. very little exageration here.

I consider it as penance for having to train "just going for a slash" out of him when we first met

Slightly differne tbut my DH always uses the phrase 'stuck like sh!t to a blanket' and I can't help but have a really graphic image - yuck!

dh got the viz profanisaurus for christmas.

who knew there were so many ways to say 'i'm off to the loo'!

Despite being very happy that we don't do public announcements, I've got to say I've a sneaking fondness for some of the truly wonderful euphemisms - going to "scuttle a dreadnought" is a cracker!

my ex used to say he had "one in the departure lounge"