to dislike dh's expressions for doing a poo

[Longstocking2]

I particularly dislike:
"I'm just going to drop the kids off at the pool."

and

"I'm just going to go and log on"

Sometimes he spares me all artifice and just says, unadorned "I've got to go and take a s**t now"

Charmant!

My husband usually annouces that he's 'off to release a chocolate hostage'. Our bathroom door won't close so I try and keep the dog from bringing him her ball, she takes advantage of him being trapped otherwise!

As well as many on here, we've had 'pinching one off', ''off to pebble dash the pan', 'off to do some crop spraying'.

I would like to take this opportunity to boast about DD1 (3 yrs) who has an imaginary family of poos living up there. She will say mid dump, 'Oooh, there's the mummy...and heeerree come the children.' She of her own accord came up with 'I've got one knocking on the door.' I cannot tell you how unfeasibly proud this makes me.

I have two entries in the Profanisaurus, btw

Have caught up with this thread and am just weeping quietly with laughter don't want ds to come and read this....

"could have put a bonnet on it" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TasteslikePanda . I have no words.

ArsMamatoria - my mum tells the story of my brother, talking about "mummy swan and the baby swans" in the potty. A very imaginative child. (He had an imaginary friend called Bingo as well)

JamieLeeCurtis: swans - that's brilliant. DD1 has an imaginary friend too.

I've remembered another one: 'gambled and lost' (i.e. to risk a fart but follow through)

Am chuckling at these! Ds3 (2) has recently started saying "brown troll, mummy!" to me when he's done a poo because DH often says to him "have you got a brown troll in your pants? Is it singing?"

My brother is the worst, he likes to announce that he's "off to make some room" (usually mid-meal - nice!). Followed by the descriptive "that was a big stick moment" (they once had a Norwegian house guest who solemnly came down to breakfast one morning and asked for "a big stick please, I need to break the back of my turd."

DH refers to diarrhoea as An Ilford Moment - he once made the fatal error of bending over to tie his shoelaces to disguise the sudden and unexpected need to stop walking and clench. The resulting Code Brown was not pleasant.

at ladytremaine's brown crayon.

they once had a Norwegian house guest who solemnly came down to breakfast one morning and asked for "a big stick please, I need to break the back of my turd."

Words fail me. Wonderful.

P.S. 'to snap off a length of dirty spine'.

Getting rid of some stowaways.

Going to lose some weight.

YANBU why must anyone announce their bowel habits at all? Is anyone else really interested?

Loving this thread but I can't stay, I'm off for a Forrest

(as in Gump)

Clarsy, me

My long dead, victorian born grandmother would say "Mafeking has been relieved" Referring to a town in South Africa, held under seige during the Boer War Constipation really preoccupied her later years. I love toilet humour, but yes there is a time and a place... have really laughed outloud at this thread, what a tonic...thanks OP. Your DH has done a good service ifyswim.

Ive never grown up when it comes to toilet humour, I dont come out with poo descriptions myself but it does make me laugh. One that nearly piss myself recently was someone telling me they were "off to ride the porcelin pony."

These are so funny. My nephew who is 2 years younger than me, says that he 'needs to drain the main vein' for a wee.

My work collegue used to announce that 'she is touching cloth' (poo) and 'shaking her lettuce' for a a wee. A friend on my FB list was declaring for all and saundry to see on there, that she has to 'go for a shit as the turtle head is comming' .

Pmsl

snap it off and call it a shit

code brown

pebbledashing

making a crosser track

going for a crunch

my ex said every single time 'I'm going to send some friends to the sea'. very irritating; most of these would be funny for a couple of times but rapidly pall, I think.

Ladytremaine, not a foreign partner but lots of foreign TAs (am in the Middle East) at the nursery my kids used to go to who would refer to 'making poopoo' or 'making peepee' :)

My dp refers to it as 'birthing his hairless otters'

DH once went on a stag do and came back with 'releasing stillborn otters into the wild'. Which has the virtue of being imaginative, at least...

I don't get the bike one either, can someone explain?

Dp once told me he was "writing with the big brown crayon." when he needed a pooh. Again I laughed my butt off. Im not sure I would find it so funny if he said something everytime he needed a pooh buy theres always time for occasional toilet humour. :d

'birthing his hairless otters' !! Priceless!

Snap, Ohkit! It was clearly time for an otter reference.

In our house we 'go to Plopsaland' which is an actual place- a theme park in Belgium.

knew i shouldn't have read this thread at teatime!