to dislike dh's expressions for doing a poo

[Longstocking2]

I particularly dislike:
"I'm just going to drop the kids off at the pool."

and

"I'm just going to go and log on"

Sometimes he spares me all artifice and just says, unadorned "I've got to go and take a s**t now"

Charmant!

Soft Harold (our reference when we were little, the hilarious result of a scrabble game, the details of which I no longer recall)

and

trading sterling for dollar (friend of mine who worked in the city)

Dh has been known to say 'touching cloth'.

And 'the mole is peeking the hole'.

"dropping anchor in poo bay" is definitely slang for anal sex....never heard it used for anything else!

Turtles head is a popular one amongst my friends....maybe I need to start socialising with a higher class of people.

"My Cameron's about to spout" ?

My DH usually says "I need to curl one out" and sometimes he too "touches cloth". Ugh.

ScuttleButter Yours made me laugh like Muttley!

We don't feel the need to announce our bathroom intentions, but my mum once told me that when they were courting, my dad would say he was 'going to see a man about a dog'.

My slightly prudish mum then did a cats bum face, hoiked her bosom and said 'that was the first thing that changed'.

Mine just very kindly asks if I need to go first. Because he knows I won't want to go anywhere near the bathroom after he's finished in there.

'drawing with the brown crayon'

DH uses lots of these, but his most annoyingly direct approach is to come banging on the door when I'm in the bath, calling 'hurry up, I really need a shit.' Attractive.

That said, I once went out with someone who coyly announced 'I think I've made a smell.' [vomit]

Oh yes CurlyCasper 'I'd give that a while...'

I knew someone who used to say 'just off to pitch a loaf'
Or 'going to drown the puppies'

PMSL at asking for the big stick though

Just going to drop a couple of logs of do we really need to know.

ENormaSnob codebrown!
whysolate 'sharted'!

Dh's pet favourite 'I feel the nudging of a brown arse mole'. Though I think he may now have gained a new repertoire!

I'm going to have to tell Lord of the Rings obsessed DS about dropping the hobbits off at Isengard.

I know, the hobbits are so so funny!

PMSL!

I used to work in a drawing office (for a famous motor company, in Coventry), one day the office wag: His name was Ray, came back down the corridor, bent double laughing, almost in pain,he eventually explained his convulsions, A day previous, some-one had laid a turd that (according to Ray was over 3 inches in diameter, and over 10 inches long, Ray tried to flush this beast away, but it refused attempts to launch itself round the u-bend. Next day, Ray went for a dump examination, only to find that some wag had stuck a cocktail stick, complete with Union Jack Flag, into the trud.

Oh gawd, I've made DH really proud of himself now...

He's reminded me that a friend of ours that was very 'regular' shall we say, has inspired us with the saying 'Is it 9.30 already?'

We were all on holiday together and we really have no secrets from each other now!

PMSL!!!

"Oh God! Prairie doggin' it!"~shouted by DH, dashing past the family, one morning as he came home early from his run
"Oh no.....I shartted" DS, aged 4, on his way inside from playing
pinching a loaf is the other one that gets used in our house.

We also have a "poo code" between Dh and I. If we are out in public, no matter what, if someone says "I need to go home. Now" you drop everything and go, no questions or delays, 'cause someones just about to have a "shit-uation" (or just had one )

I giggled all through this thread

I feel vaguely deprived that my DH is curiously private about his toilet habits and never makes mention of pooing. He doesn't fart in front of me either or make nasty stinks in the bathroom.

Is my DH really human do you think?