AIBU to be annoyed with mothers who can't be bothered to work?

[HellaH]

Went to a baby playgroup the other day and met yet another mother who has handed in her notice just because she has had a baby.

Thanks a lot! Now when I will go looking for a job employers will think that I too will hand in my notice if I fall pregnant again and will probably take on a man instead of me.

Can't wait for men to get more parental leave, maybe it will equal things out a bit!

And surely with the flexible working hours law and such a woman CAN go back to work without silly excuses.

It's hard going back to work when you have small children but I am glad that I did. I think you can miss out on the adult interaction of work and having a life away from home and children. Man stay at home mums really do get fat, lazy and stupid and some are proud to be so - sad for them.

I don't have anything against mums not working but I could not stay in and do housework all day once dd id at school. I would be bored shitless. Not having a career scares me tbh. What do you do if you split up? What about your cv?

I'd love to have a rich husband but even if I did I'd have to use his cash to set up a butcake business and make more dough.

I do think that it's beneficial to spend the first 6 months at homme with baby though.

The question was whether HellH is being unreasonable to be annoyed with mothers who 'can't be bothered to work' followed by a bizarre worry that mums who give up their jobs when they have children are ruining the job market for other women.

HellH you can get annoyed about anything you like, that's your right, but you are being judgmental and assuming that women can't be bothered when there are many reasons why women make the choices they do. You can't know all the circumstances behind what other people do and it sounds to me like you are trying to justify your decision by 'getting at' others.

Troubled by going out to work and loosing focus on your kids needs? Well that's normal. It's very hard to feel like you are getting it right no matter what choice you make.

It's sad that women can't be more supportive and understanding of each other's choices and that a forum like this can descend into the kind of comment by SOSweet who has to be kidding and is clearly on a wind-up. SO Sweet you make me want to de-subscribe from this forum.

well ive lost loads of weight becoming a sahm, probably because i worked lates in a fish/kebab shop mind. Also when i worked in the office i would stuff my face with crap and hot chocolate out of the vending machines. Now i walk everywhere, nurseries school runs etc so i would definately say i am fitter being a sahm

. It's my first ever!

Lol OP. And yes, YABU. Though I do know one SAHM who still sends her DD (8 months) to nursery 4 days a week. Her DD is her only child. I was a bit and have no idea what she does all day or why her other half is prepared to support her being a SAHM but also pay for 4 days of childcare.

So sweet "Man stay at home mums really do get fat, lazy and stupid and some are proud to be so - sad for them."

Unbeleivable. An offensive generalisation at best, malicious ignorance at worst. You are implying that us SAHMs, who stay at home for whatever valid reason, become stupid, lazy and fat? Do you think we watch Jeremy Kyle, speak like babies and don't move off the sofa? I personally have never been so busy in my life and I worked for 18 years before leaving work to raise my sons. When they are both school age, I will be a WOHM, not that its anyone's business.

I think you're the stupid one for not being able to spell "many".

I wonder if we criticise other people's choices because we are unhappy in our own. Or are we happy and want them to be like us? Or are we unhappy and want them to be like us? Why do we do it? Get on with your own life, OP.

I'm a SAHM 3 days of the week and a WOHM 2 days a week and I would have to say WITHOUT A SCRAP OF A DOUBT my days at home are much much harder.
Being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever had. It can also be the most wonderful but (apart from the guilt I would personally feel) working outside the home for me 5 days a week would be alot easier in many ways.
I'm talking about things like feeling suffocated, the repitition, the frustration, the lack of freedom to do....anything! These are the things not really talked about much, unless in relation to PND, about being at home with young children.
I'm sure in years to come I will look back on my time with the LOs at home through rose-tinted specs but at the moment it is BLOODY HARD WORK and if,as a SAHM you don't find it so, you are very lucky and I envy you.
So much for being the motherly embodiment of Cath Kidston! I'm not the mum I thought I would be but I think I just about muddle through ok! On certain days that all I can muster!

Agree with CDM. I work same pattern and much the same. ALSO, CAN WE ALL AGREE ON CHOICE = INDIVIDUAL FAMILY, given if economics/ circ lets them choose. I feel issue is more about feeling the guilt when we leave them ill/ sad and we still feel guilt at work for not being as 'available' without much prior planning.Seems we don't help each other out at all - just seem to enjoy bitching from whatever smug position we adpot. So, Hell, YABU as you are taking a bit of a bitter line on this.

'Not having a career scares me tbh. What do you do if you split up? What about your cv?'

That is a risk I am willing to take. I have volunteered and studied alongside SAH in case I need/want to work.

' stay at home mums really do get fat, lazy and stupid and some are proud to be so - sad for them'

That is just silly. I know many slim SAHMs who go jogging etc in the day. What has weight got to do with it really? I think there is probably some jealously behind these comments. Some WOHMs (minority) want all mums to work so they don't feel as bad because if everyone left their kids then there wouldn't be any worries/comparrisons. Most WOHMs (like me when i was one) don't really care what others do and are glad mothers have choices.

Very easy for high-earning women to hold low-earners in contempt for giving up work ime.

I don't blame anybody who doesn't want to have more balls than they can catch in the air, only to come out at a loss every month

'you can miss out on the adult interaction of work and having a life away from home and children'

Some people don't get adult interaction in their jobs...Also there is plenty of adult interaction avaliable as a SAHM. I go to lots of groups, see friends and family and also enjoy my own company. I am never bored.

HellaH Fri 28-Jan-11 10:46:27
Now when I will go looking for a job employers will think that I too will hand in my notice if I fall pregnant again and will probably take on a man instead of me.

I don't think this will be the reason people don't employ you, as judging (yes, merrily judging) from your OP there are many other reasons why I, for one, would not want to work with you.

YABU but nice slant to try and dress it up as worry over employment.

BTW, why are you at baby group, why aren't you at work? You can return 4 weeks after birth AFAIK. This would prove that you are very, very, very serious about working and would look good when you next look for a job. Oh, don't want to do that? OK...

FWIW I would happily not go to work and NOT have a baby. Yes, I am that lazy

Flexible working hours - don't make me fucking laugh!

An employee has the right to ask for them, and an employer must consider them, but guess what?

They have the right to say no and they usually do in my industry.

I work a 12 hour day so should I be prejudiced against my team members without kids who want to knock off early and go to the gym or watch tv, I mean they have no responsibilities no? Surely theycare just being lazy and should be in the office with me?

No? Disagree?

Last year I spent a year off with my ds as I took redundancy and I had a husband in the forces. Try telling me how I could work in my job two hours away for a full 12 hour day when the only child care I could get in the area finished at 5 pm? I asked for flexible working and got laughed at. So tell me how that would compute op?

What if some of these mums have reached the top of their career ladder, or paid more tax and NI than others can manage in a lifetime?

Oh, sorry how rude of me not to actually offer you a

So Sweet. Not So sweet.
HellaH, what do you suggest? Women have their babies on their lunch hour and then get back to work like it never happened?
I work in a notoriously sexist organisation, no one talks about their dc's and if you get pregnant you're immediately in the big bosses' bad books and ignored. He openly said he didn't see the point in children and dropped a woman from a contract for getting pregnant. HellaH do you really think the answer to inequality is pandering to the expectations of these sexist organisations. You clearly don't think raising children is worthwhile. Leave it to the fat, stupid, lazy women eh?

God this is tedious

Totally agree Norman, totrolly. Oops Freudian slip.

Have a

I am a SAHM because my wages would not cover childcare so I would be paying to go to work.

I don't think so.

Oh FFS My way is the right way" thread!

CDM I have the opposite. my working days are far far far harder than my at home days

My job finishes it 2 months. Can't wait to be a fat, lazy bitch. Looking after a 2 year old is a piece of piss after all, much easier than sitting on my f.a. at a desk all day. "SoSweet" I've been running whilst pushing ds in the pram 4 times this week, when I'm a sahm do I have to make cakes and watch kyle all day instead? Are they the rules?