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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with mothers who can't be bothered to work?

395 replies

HellaH · 28/01/2011 10:46

Went to a baby playgroup the other day and met yet another mother who has handed in her notice just because she has had a baby.

Thanks a lot! Now when I will go looking for a job employers will think that I too will hand in my notice if I fall pregnant again and will probably take on a man instead of me.

Can't wait for men to get more parental leave, maybe it will equal things out a bit!

And surely with the flexible working hours law and such a woman CAN go back to work without silly excuses.

OP posts:

felicity10 · 31/01/2011 22:39

Quite sad really isn't it. I guess her life is not quite as fulfilled as she suggests it is.

fifi25 · 31/01/2011 22:40

i got that thanks but thought id have my pennies worth :-)

fifi25 · 31/01/2011 22:41

Wrong smile, thought i was on fb :)

Xenia · 01/02/2011 07:30

Yes, the housewives only have to keep posting to prove my theories. They fall on their own swords.

mrsgetonwithit · 01/02/2011 07:41

I am half a housewife and if the sword has a duster on it yes I probably have.

To whoever said...........are you saying x is the millionaire lawyer in the news.

Do you have a link?

lockets · 01/02/2011 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FiveFeetTwo · 01/02/2011 07:50

If you search xenia's name you will see that she has posted more than 500 times in the last 3 months (could be more than a thousand for all you can tell).

If that's not someone with too much time on her hands then I don't know what is...

new2cm · 01/02/2011 11:12

Xenia,

What do you do for a living?

FYI, I am now a part-time childminder and I also do some freelancing. I undertake translation work. I am fluent in French and German, as well as English.

I am intriged as to the line of work which pays a 6-figure salary, allows you to employ a full-time nanny and pays for private schooling for your children. And gives you the time to write over 500 posts in 3 months on mumsnet. Something doesn't seem to add up or I have misconstrued the situation.

How do you do it?

felicity10 · 01/02/2011 12:53

I've decided that Xenia is brilliantly crazy.

Love her talking about "housewives" as though it is a derogatory term - I am sitting here feeling incredibly lucky that I can be one!

Litchick · 01/02/2011 12:55

new

My understanding is that Xenia is a lawyer.
And like many international lawyers she travels a lot...plenty of time to MN in taxis and in the BA lounge at terminal one.

Litchick · 01/02/2011 13:00

And while I don't agree with much of what Xenia says, I do think all the assertions that she is actually unfullfilled and unhappy are just plain daft.

More palatable that way, I know, but lazy thinking.

Just as the assertion that she couldn't MN if she were really successful is daft.
Who knows what hours she works or where she is.

And the assertion that because she is prolific she is actually some sort of loser, is very very daft. Would you say that to Riven? Or Trillian?
No you would not.

Xenia · 01/02/2011 13:48

I have a lot of important things to say and of course busy working mothers post more and better than housewives who sit at our feet learning... I jest of course.

I have always written a lot. Never met anyone who types as fast I do. Wrote 30 books let. Just imagine how much more I will write when I don't have children at home. I expect you can't wait.

felicity10 · 01/02/2011 14:03

I imagine you can't wait either!

Serendippy · 01/02/2011 14:31

I have to agree with people who say that arguing for hours on end with people on the internet and a high powered job don't go hand in hand... clearly I am a SAHM because I also spend hours arguing on the internet, but I am not fooling anyone into paying me for work I am not doing But until we can all pretend to work really, really hard without actually doing much at all, Xenia will not rest!

Litchick · 01/02/2011 15:45

But Serendipity, I'm so often told here on MN, that being a SAHP is 'the hardest job in the world.'

Are you saying it aint so?

GotArt · 03/02/2011 01:33

I have to agree with Xenia It is simply a fact of our western mentality towards women in the workplace. Until we do hold 50% of positions, there will never be equality. However, men should be allotted the same equality for paternity leave so women are able to stay in positions they love and move forward. Women do not experience the financial gain in the workforce as men mainly due to the fact that women tend to be in and out of jobs, careers and positions. Why should you get as much as the man a few cubicles over, when in fact, after say maternity leave, you've worked far less. The OP was talking about women who can't be bothered to work. Of course in the financial stress of most families experience today, it is beneficial to have one parent at home. That is certainly not someone who can't be bothered to work.

I do feel on this thread there is plenty of animosity towards women who love their careers and chose to put their children into daycare, as though it is a terrible thing to want something for yourself in your life and not 'put your family first' idea. You cannot give to others until you've given to yourself. All you'll find is that after your children have gone off to university and established lives of their own, you have nothing in common with your husband or anything of any real interest to you because you have spent all your life doing for your family. Sacrifice breeds resentment which may takes decades to manifest.

I love my DD and will to the end of time and am 5 months pregnant and can't wait to begin it all again. However, I love my career and have worked very hard to get where I am and am not willing under any circumstances to give that up. I jump through hoops to give to myself, my husband and my daughter. I am fortunate that I am able to have that balance in career and home. My DH works long hours in his career that he has also worked very hard to get to the high point as well and I would never ask him to give that up any more than him of me. We work as a unit to achieve what we want. DD gets exposure to two fabulous worlds that most don't get in a lifetime. She is a very loved, loving and happy child. I resent being condemned on MN as a mother who wants and has both worlds, which is an underlying comment on some posters here.

People need to also stop thinking about being a SAHP or having a family as a 'job'. It is a lifestyle. Its a difficult lifestyle, one that requires constant changes and decisions and comes with many challenges.

BlackSwan · 03/02/2011 04:59

GotArt, I applaud you on creating jobs for nursery workers. That's all you've done for womankind.

We shouldn't expect equal pay - are you out of your fucking mind?

Not everyone feels resentment towards their other half or their children when they choose to stay at home to care for their own children.

You clearly attach your self-worth to your career and your ability to make money. That's fine. Just don't shun people who choose differently. They may well just be a little less selfish than you.

GotArt · 03/02/2011 05:57

My child isn't in daycare; she's with me full time.

No, one cannot expect equal pay when one isn't in a position the same length of time as another.

I didn't say everyone feels resentment, but many will, it something that happens over time.

No, I do not attach my self worth to my career, nor do I make the money that some seem to think. I attach my self worth to my hard work at my career and creating a family.

I don't shun people choices, just people who do.

Serendippy · 03/02/2011 09:34

Litchick Tue 01-Feb-11 15:45:03
But Serendipity, I'm so often told here on MN, that being a SAHP is 'the hardest job in the world.'

I started a thread on this a while ago. Being a SAHP is not the hardest job, neither is being a WOHP. A job is as hard as what it asks of you and what you put into it. So if you are a SAHP to one even tempered child who sits and watches TV all day while child entertains itself, it is probably not very hard. If you are a SAHP to 4 children under 5 who does what a childminder would do and tries to make each day entertaining, educational and worthwhile, it is probably extremely hard. (I wouldn't know, I fall somewhere in the middle)

In the same way, someone working in a job they love with fun colleagues, flexible working hours and something that is not too taxing is not doing the hardest job in the world. Xenia clearly is, everyone else falls into the middle.

Let's face it, both WOHP and SAHPs are on here at all times of day, so clearly none of us is too busy and important!

Greenkit · 03/02/2011 09:44

MIne are 12 and 14 and I would quit work in a second if I had the chance.

I would be bored out my brain, but no work so :)

Seems you are a tad jealous that she can choose to leave you and maybe you cant....

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