AIBU to be annoyed with mothers who can't be bothered to work?

[HellaH]

Went to a baby playgroup the other day and met yet another mother who has handed in her notice just because she has had a baby.

Thanks a lot! Now when I will go looking for a job employers will think that I too will hand in my notice if I fall pregnant again and will probably take on a man instead of me.

Can't wait for men to get more parental leave, maybe it will equal things out a bit!

And surely with the flexible working hours law and such a woman CAN go back to work without silly excuses.

I'll be going back to wrok after DC2. Eventually.

But it will be in our family's best interest that I dont for a while (childcare costs for 2 DC would mean it would cost me money to work).

YABU and please do forgive me for not giving a crap about your family OP when I'm taking care of mine.

I don't think you need me to tell you Yabu.

Would you like everyone to live their lives to suit you and your perceptions or us it just women?

Now in fairness bar my breastfeeding peer supporters course I have done nothing bar drink tea and eat cake with friends today so this not working lark is great. But dd is only 6 mo and I haven't decided whether to go back or not yet.

OP YABU.
I went back part time and then full time with DD1. I loved it while my mum cared for her but when i had to use a nursery, I hated it as she just didn't settle. In the end I quit after having DD2 and have been at home since. Although for a hort time, I used to work weekends doing 2 x 13 hour days and DH cared for the DC. However, DH got a new job which meant odd hours and working away. It was what he had always wanted to I became a SAHM and learned to love it!!!

Since SAH I have also volunteered and am studying for a degree. Being a bit more detatched from the labour market I feel i can 'see through' it and society a bit more. There are many advantages to work but I don't believe you can have it all in one go. I think young children need a parent at home most the time. I have seen the difference it has made with my DC. I would hate to miss all the school plays, worry about a sick child and childcare etc. I feel really sorry for women who want to stay home but cannot. I do believe in choice, though, you only get one life so do what makes you happy, whether that is work or not.

I am happy about being a SAHM, my DH and DS are happy. We have a wonderful carefree existence.

I should however make us all unhappy to please you.

When I gave up work I had every intention to return, I had just been offered a good promotion. When it came to it I couldn't do it and was lucky enough that I didn't need to.

Everyone one can do what they want or need just as you do.

the choice about quitting work is very much a family choice...

BUT, I'm not personally sure that stay-at-home mothers give their children, and family, the best chances. Think costs of higher education, school clubs and other activities, mortgage and living....

the cost of childcare in the UK is SCANDALOUS, especially because it's the strongest deterrent for "average earning" families to have Mum go back to work (or younger Mums).

But it still pays in the long term when looking at career's promotion (if that's possible!).

I went back to work when my dd was 16 weeks old. I quit work when she started school, as (a) I'd worked all my life, looked after my money and could afford to (and that's not being smug, it's just a fortunate circumstance to find myself in) and (b) I hated the thought of giving my employer less than 100%. I knew I'd be working seriously reduced hours or paying for childcare. Either option didn't appeal, and I had the luxury of being able to choose.

I didn't work at first, I just volunteered at the local school and did a bit of ebaying here and there to get a bit of pocket money/keep myself busy. Now I work at the school part time and am taking qualifications so I can enter a new career.

I don't give a monkey whether other people give up their jobs or hold onto them after their child/children are born. I don't care if you feel your chances in the job market are diminished or not. I only care about me (yes, it's all about me) and my family. And we're all very happy with my choices to date, thank you very much. Hope the SAHM haters and the WOHM haters can say the same for their lives, but I seriously doubt it. Hate generally doesn't come from a place of contentment...

I get mildly depressed every time a woman hands in her notice for childrearing reasons.

Because in my profession it always is the women handing in their notices. Never the men. The women in question are all bright, clever, capable and well-educated women.

For me it means that the next partner/principal meeting will just involve me and 8 blokes. As it has done for a long time.

Sometimes I wonder ...

have a

YABU. There are women, like me, who don't have a choice for various reasons.

I returned to work after have DD, only to be made redundant 4 months later. Based on the redundancy money and DH's earnings we then decided I should take a career break to have DC2, rather than mess around a new employer by getting a job and then disappearing on maternity leave nine months later.

Once DC2 is born, I plan to rejoin the workforce, but to be honest would rather not have left it in the workplace.

I've been lucky to not have to work in the meantime to support my family, as many women have to do.

BTW, I know a few dads who've taken career breaks to raise their kids. Should they also be berated?

I don't see why anyone would waste energy caring what others do.

If I didn't have to work, I wouldn't.

It's over-rated.

Well, we should care about other's people choice when we all are directly affected as far as government policies, amount of benefits, prospective employers ' perception of woman in child-rearing age group go!

we're all part of the same society, and some of our choices affect us all!

or should we even stop voting?

i can't afford to work - would be in debt to the childminders as they charge substantially more than I earn.

BUT DS gets his 3 hours a week free come the new year so I can get out of this SAHM existence which I am clearly not very suited to

I am a mum of 3 on benefits. I didnt plan to be but it happened. I worked from leaving school until half way through my pregnancy with my 3rd who is 2. I suffered from sciatica and spd and could no longer work. I also split with the kids dad whilst pregnant so ended up having to claim benefits. My mam and dad had me at a young age so still work full time to pay their mortgage as do my ex partners parents. There is no one to look after my 2 year old and i dont want to put her in a private nursery as my 1st 2 were. As soon as my daughter starts nursery at easter i will get a job, any job. We have all had to sacrifice things and do without. Maybe she has no choice but to leave work.

Im why anyone would care if another woman hands in her notice or not? The only thing that riles me in the workplace is woman who expect different treatment due to having a baby. Not the normal time off for antenatal appointments etc but being excused certain shifts/days/leaving early because they have kids.

HellaH what were you doing in playgroup on a work day then
Not that it should matter to you, but what do YOU DO that you think women giving up work will affect your career/working prospects. If you are good enough I am sure they will take you on, but if you aren't then stop scraping the barrel for excuses.

OP you are a cock.
How can you judge someone when you know nothing aboiut their circumstances.

Everyone is different and should do what is best for them and their families.

Just wanted to point out (if it hasn't been pointed out already) that the flexible working laws are no guarantee of flexible working.

You are legally entitled to request flexible working hours. Your boss is not legally entitled to agree to it. He or she may decline your request if it is detrimental to the business and you may not make another request for another.

In other words, flexible working laws do not always mean flexible working.

OP- I am a SAHM mum by choice and I have never worked so hard in my life. I have no family to leave my children with and childcare costs would cost me just under 10k if I went back to work as a secretary earning around 13 or 14k.

To me, 3-4k a year is not worth working 48 weeks of the year for. In fact I earn that much a year from homeworking when my son naps.

Nothing to do with "can't be bothered". Child care is bloody hard work 24/7, paid child care is bloody expensive.

Sorry, that should read you "may not make another flexible working request for another year."

This has to be a windup. Has anyone else notice the OP hasn't shown her face since the start of the thread?

Nope don't work, impossible to do so with childcare costs, no family and DH's job.

So

ooh what a lot of biscuits you got - here this one comes with a kick up the arse, think of something more original next time

I gave up work after paid maternity leave with both DCs because financially I didn;t have to go back.

Now they are at school though I have gone back 30hrs per week, I don;t have to still DH earns enough that I could just stay at home but think I would go mad.

You may not agree with me giving up work because I had kids, but I wanted to spend at least the first 2 years being their primary carer. Also probably selfish of me toi take a job I don't need just to keep me occupied.

But like the woman you are bitching about I don't give a shit.

PMSL

Well I could judge mothers who 'can't be bothered' to stay at home with their babies.

So. Ner.