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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with mothers who can't be bothered to work?

395 replies

HellaH · 28/01/2011 10:46

Went to a baby playgroup the other day and met yet another mother who has handed in her notice just because she has had a baby.

Thanks a lot! Now when I will go looking for a job employers will think that I too will hand in my notice if I fall pregnant again and will probably take on a man instead of me.

Can't wait for men to get more parental leave, maybe it will equal things out a bit!

And surely with the flexible working hours law and such a woman CAN go back to work without silly excuses.

OP posts:
whyohwhywhy · 28/01/2011 11:42

Having re-read OP I resent the 'cant' be bothered to work' reference. What a cheek! Do you have any idea what it's like trying to juggle work (whether full-time or part-time) with childcare?

I'm currently juggling dropping off one child at school and one at nursery to then sit on a train for 3 hrs a day to go to work and then spend the whole day doing a very stressful job before sitting on a train and picking up 2 children from differing locations.

And then there's the sickness issue, try juggling a job when one or both of your children are ill and you need to take time off.

Never fails to amaze me how others are so quick to judge.

Maylee · 28/01/2011 11:43

pingus It depends on whether you have or live with a partner.

ThePosieParker · 28/01/2011 11:44

I wanted to see Schofe's silver fox actually/!

Alouiseg · 28/01/2011 11:46

Judge me op! I gave up work a week before I got married. It's what dh and I wanted and 15 years later I still "can't be bothered to work"

pingusmumtoo · 28/01/2011 11:47

Oh I've got one of them .... he's in bed being a workshy layabout recovering from a heart problem ... I hope he hasn't got the TV on because a naked EH would probably finish him off !
Hang on - we don't have a tv upstairs - silly me - we have a very very old one in the living room that has a moveable purple/green patch on it .... such are the sacrifices we make so that I can stay at home and eat cake look after my son Wink

MissyMorrison87 · 28/01/2011 11:49

You don't know this woman and you actually have no idea of her home life or current situation.

So instead of assuming she is "Lazy and cant be bothered" maybe you should consider other factors. For all you know she could be having a disabled child or any other such circumstance.

There are many reasons women choose not to return to employment.

I've decided not to go back however, as i want to make it impossible for women like you to get new jobs. Plus i'm a fat, lazy slob and want to sit on my arse all day once my baby is born. Because you know, bringing up a baby is THAT easy. You dont have to do anything!!! Just sit and watch Jeremy Kyle all day. The baby can look after itself after all. Its going to be ace. I might claim some benefits too just to really piss you off.

Get a grip OP. Jealousy can turn into a really nasty trait too if you aren't careful...

LadyOfTheManor · 28/01/2011 11:51

If I was an employer, I'd probably take on a man over a woman...or a woman of a certain age so she wouldn't leave me in the lurch to have children then expect her job back while juggling child care/illnesses/sports days etc.

But that's just me. Oh and my dad. He doesn't employ women of a certain age. Then again most women aren't in his line of work.

GMajor7 · 28/01/2011 11:52

Envy @ Alouiseg

Chandon · 28/01/2011 11:53
Biscuit

get over yourself OP

begonyabampot · 28/01/2011 11:54

why would I want to give up my tennis in the morning, gym, walks in the countryside, shopping trips and lunches, not getting stressed with housework, always being able to be there for the kids during holidays or when they are sick - to go back to a job that doesn't pay great and is perhaps don't even like that much just to make you feel better. And shock horror all my kids are in full time school so I really have no excuse.

redrollers · 28/01/2011 11:55

maylee- I know where you are coming from but I think it's a bit of a generalisation

Not all people on the benefits you talk about are people who feel entitled to live off the state

some are regular mums who look very closely at the financial details when considering going back to work. they look at what is available to them, and these benefits are there, and that allows them to do what they really want, which is to stay home with their child. I don't begrudge them this at the moment. That is what the system is.
The problem as you say, is that the govt needs to give some incentive to mothers who think that is their only option, and they would really like to do it anyway
For someone with nothing, it must be quite difficult to think "I will get a job and it will pay for nursery", much easier to say "nursery fees are huge, I'm never going to be able to afford it"

Also e.g I was a high tax payer for 20 years and then had a baby, how about if I then wanted to live off the taxpayer, would that taxpayer be you, or the large amount of tax that I had already paid?

I'm just playing devils advocate, to try and point out that it's not that simple.

But I completely understand your point
It's not fair, why should you work your arse off and not get to see your child, when some people take the easy option and in some cases would even have more disposable income

Maylee · 28/01/2011 12:04

Yes, I completely agree that there are lots of parents out there who don't have the choice. That's why the welfare system needs reforming (although I don't feel comfortable with the Coalition reform plans either).

And yes, your point about the high earning tax payer then potentially living off the tax she has already paid is another, very complex can of worms......

figcake · 28/01/2011 12:09

Did she ask for your input into her decision? Did you tell her how pissed off you were about it or is it easier to behave like a coward and hide behind the anonymity of MN?

Overcooked · 28/01/2011 12:09

It is a tricky one with the higher rate tax payer then wishing to claim benefits but again i think that is the problem with the system.

I am a higher rate tax payer but that does not make me think that the state somehow owes me. However, if I lost my job or was unable to work through illness then I would like to think it was there to protect me (yeah right). If I decided to give up my job to look after DD then I'm not really sure that the system should be subsidising that. I do think that being able to be a SAHM mum is a privillege that not all people can afford.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 28/01/2011 12:10

I have just watched Gino cooking naked... Ohhh my word.... I agree - he should always cook naked.

Missy - if you want a bit of variety once the baby is born, you can come and sit on my sofa and watch JK. The dog will look after the baby - I'll show her Peter Pan, so she knows what to do. I feel that, as a more mature mother, it is my responsibility to mentor you younger mums as you set out on a lifetime of couch-sitting, child-ignoring, crap-tv-watching and coffee drinking. It is a hard life, but with a little dedication, I am sure you will make it! [bgrin]

MissyMorrison87 · 28/01/2011 12:14

Tennantsgirl - thank you very much for showing me the way! Having the dog look after the baby is a great idea. It gives us more time to watch JK reruns too!!

Also, Gino naked = ACE!!!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/01/2011 12:16
Rollmops · 28/01/2011 12:19

Now, where's the mandatory thread about ' AIBY to be disgusted with mothers who can't be bothered to raise their own chidren and prefer to go back to work?'

Yaaawn. OP, get a life, dear.

KittaKatta · 28/01/2011 12:23

Jeremy is that you?
Or is it Matthew???

clayre · 28/01/2011 12:25

It's not that I can't be bothered not working, I just don't want to! I call it extended maternity leave, 8 years and counting!

catwhiskers10 · 28/01/2011 12:27

I was going to say YANBU until I read your full post. I thought you meant people claiming benefits instead of working but you mean any woman who gives up her job to be a SAHM? that's very unreasonable IMO.
I gave up my job last year after having DD as DH and I agreed we would rather I raised her than putting her into Childcare (which would also defeat the purpose of me working as I wasn't in a high paid job). I have no parents and DH parents are not fit enough to look after a child full time so even flexible working hours wouldn't suit us unless you are suggesting I care for DD, do housework,cook dinner all day then take on a nightshift job as well?
Sounds to me like you are a bit jealous of the mum you met at playgroup.
Plus if employers didn't employ women that were at risk of leaving if they had a child no woman under 50 would be employed at all so you're talking crap on that point.

whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 28/01/2011 12:27

obviously it's women's fault that the workplace is so sexist. Thanks for helping me realise that. nothing to do with years of female oppression then, thats good to know.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 28/01/2011 12:29

I haven't worked a day in my life, which is sod all to do with anybody !

newpup · 28/01/2011 12:31

I gave up work when I was pregnant with DD1. I wanted to stay at home and look after my children and my home. DD1 is 11 now and I have not gone back to paid work. I volunteer for a local charity and have been a school governor.

That is my choice and as long as my DH and not the state are providing for our children, my right.

What other women choose to do is their business and not mine.

funtimewincies · 28/01/2011 12:31

Who's Gino?