AIBU or is DHs ex???

[scatterbee]

Hi everyone.

Did have this posted in stepparents but DH asked me to move it to somewhere we would get the "biggest range of responses" so i am braving AIBU!!!!

So .....

My partner has 2 DSS with his ex. One is his, one we have found out is not his. We have confronted ex with the results. Originally she denied it, she has now admited she had an affair, and is going to contact the bio father to see if he wishes to be involved.

Youngest DSS (5) calls partner daddy, because he doesnt know he is not his bio father. Ex is now saying he must be told, and as such will need to call partner something else. Shes suggesting Daddy XXXX for my partner and Daddy xxxx for bio dad, evtually dropping to daddy as he becomes more involved.

My partner doesnt see why he can no longer be called daddy and has to have his name tacked on the end. His other son will obviously still be calling him dad and we feel this will be confusing.

Can we insist he is just called daddy? Any other steps in this situation? Any ideas how we make her see shes unreasonable? Or AIBU??

Let me have it .....

OTTMumma

HE actively sought the removal of himself from the BC and the CSA records. None of that was urgent as he is a student and not paying anything.

As the posts have gone on it has become clear that the OPs DH is using this situation to get one over on his ex, and she appears to be doing the same. No one is saying that the ex is blameless, but she isnt the one asking questions her. The OP asked what they should do about him not being called Daddy, when he is the one that has gone out of his way to make it clear that he isnt a Daddy.

THe child isnt the issue here, its winning that seems to be important to him and that is what is so shameful.

And given that none of the adults involved seem to give shit about the child, dont you think that his name is rather irrelevant?!

But he isn't the bio daddy is he, its only right that his name is removed from the BC.
Why let it drag on with the incorrect information on it?
Is it illegal to not change a false BC if you know so? I would be worried about it if were him at the time.

Lets not forget that this man raised this child for years with people whispering about the paternity, it isn't unreasonable to want to do a test if you have doubts is it?

I feel that the OP's DH did this for the right reasons, but didn't think it all the way through, or felt confused about the legality of the outcome etc, that is unfortunate, but it is clear to me that he isn't wanting to drop the boy at all.
He just wants things to be fair, and it isn't fair that he pays money to the ex for this child, especially if the real father is being sought after.
It isn't fair that just because he did the right thing he shouldn't be called what he has always been called 'daddy, just because the mother has felt the need to be spiteful, it will be confusing and is unnecessary to do this, the child will find his own words in time.

I don't see how he is playing a game and trying to 'win' can you explain why you have come to this conclusion please, because i really can not see it.

Because as I, and alot of others noticed, at no point has the OP mentioned the child other than as an aside. Not what they want for him, whats best for him, they didnt ask what would be the best for the child. But a ATBU to want the DH to be called Daddy.

Selfishness pervades every single post from the OP and her DH, thats why its a game that he wants to win.

Removal from the BC so that the true bio father can be inserted?

Btw, you only need the child and one parent to do a DNA test - swab inside of cheeks and send off to a lab. My best friend was put into a state of shock when his wife left him for a friend, and discovered his wife was cited in the friend's divorce 18m earlier. Ex-w of the OM suggested that his youngest child might not be his as timings coincided & he needed to know before the court custody case. He had already resolved that he wanted to remain 'Dad' as long as ex-w would let him, whatever the outcome.