To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

LadyBiscuit, I like the idea but my spread sheet skill stretch to pie charts I'm afraid.

A pie chart is good enough for me

I read the OP and a few of the pages. What struck me is that OP has had the nanny "for several years", nanny informs OP of intended nuptials and OP thinks "nothing of it" . Surely there should be a warm relationship between them, given that the nanny cares for OP's children? I know I would be pleased for her and take an interest. Sounds to me as if nanny is treated a little at arm's length and the arrangement is a tad too business like, when in reality life happens for nannies too. So on the face of it OP, YABU.

Trollorific.

OMG that is awesome!!!!!!

Love it, Cain

I work in a job where I have to take my holidays at certain times in the year. When I got married I arranged my wedding and honeymoon for the period when leave was allowed.

If for any reason this had been impossible for me to do I would have had to approach my employer and request unpaid leave which they may/may not have granted.

This nanny has done neither of these things, so I can see why the OPs pissed off, and she's left looking like a meanie unless she agrees. Even though she wasn't even directly asked for this 'favour'.

Retreats are not a human right, they are something people choose to spend their spare time doing.

This nanny should either use her holiday for her wedding or tentatively enquire whether an exception could be made and realise that she's asking a big 'favour' which hopefully if she approaches it right the OP will grant as she's such a good nanny and it's such a big occasion.

All these 'what about your butler' comments are pathetic. A nanny is a job just as a secretary or a lawyer is a job and as such has a contract with an employer.

Having a nanny these days hardly makes you likely to be a Mitford sister. Get real people.

To be fair, you don't have to be best mates with someone to think that they are good at their job.

Nicer if everyone is friends but not essential. Obv with nanny relationship, more important to get on well on a personal level cos of the kids.

It could be that since the nanny has been engaged for over a year with no sign of a date, that the OP put it to the back of her mind and assumed that the nanny would bring it up if she wanted to discuss anything or had some news. Dunno. I am always careful with wedding plans as people can feel under so much pressure to conform that it can be more stressful than leaving the topic alone.

Brilliant, Cain. I salute you [bgrin]

Cain - perhaps you should seek employment with MNHQ as resident stats geek

Ah, but without Venn Diagram abilities my work would be found wanting I fear.

gorione You mean as shifty as nanny who has not had the courtesy to communicate with OP that she wanted 2 extra unpayd weeks holiday? If my memory is correct, the only reason OP knows about the wedding dates atre because cleaner told her, not nanny. You cannot have it both way.

There is nothing to say the nanny wasn't going to discuss it but the cleaner jumped the gun, and in response to your second point are you suggesting she should shaft the nanny to teach her a lesson? because if she does well the old analogy of people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones springs to mind.

Lots of feedback here. Where is the OP?

Is the fiance a fireman/personal trainer?

Surely if having the time off after her wedding in September is so important to the nanny then she would have moved her leave and not gone on the retreat? If both are equally important then she should have negotiated this sooner, or maybe had the wedding the weekend before the retreat and treated the retreat as a honeymoon.

Everyone seems to be expecting the OP to compromise by either:

(a) potentially jeopardising her professional standing at work by taking unpaid / sick leave

(b) cancelling a booked holiday with PIL to move her leave to September

(c) fork out 50% more to leave her baby and older DCs with a stranger in the form of an agency nanny.

Even if the nanny should've cleared the time off first, at the end of the day we're talking about 6 days off after 6 years of looking after your kids. I cant believe how heartless you are to think of sacking her over this. Yes, its her job. But its different to other jobs; she has a real relationship with your kids. And you're willing to disrupt their world. In any case, it might well be a six day gap between this nanny and the next, unless you plan to not tell her incase she just leaves without notice?

Surely it's about negotiation? The nanny has family abroad, any one arranged a wedding recently? Does the nanny feel OP is approachable? How good is her English or shared language?

CameronCook - quite. A lot of jealousy abounds here. The word "slavery" was used earlier. This is the real world where if you have a job, you can't just expect the world to stop because you are getting married.

Re reading OP, makes me smile to read that nanny "does some sort of retreat thing" good for her. How sad OP doesn't know more, could be Glastonbury, whatever. I know I would be interested in getting to know who was looking after my children...

Portofino - "You can't expect the world to stop because you are getting married" Lots of employers give holiday just for this reason, alongside maternity leave blah blah. It's called compassion.

Well it probably doesn't matter much. She's getting married and (how very dare she) will have her own life. I doubt it will be long before she has her own kids to care about and will leave you anyway.

If she doesn't leave you in September.

I would. You don't sound like a very nice employer.

FWIW I was in my last job for a total of 6 months when I asked for 2 days off unpaid (with about a weeks notice) to visit my friend abroad whose baby was poorly. There was no question - and I got it paid.

And I already get 13 weeks per year. Yep, I know.

YAB very very very unreasonable. What a nightmare you are OP