to find this a bit odd and not sure whether to go now?

[brokenmarrow]

Have been invited to a wedding which will cost about £300 pounds to get there (plus
whatever hotel/B&B costs)

Had assumed we would be invited because dh is paying rather a lot to go on stag weekend.

Got email to say there is no room for the meal so we would be invited to the ceremony and speeches then put on a bus and taken to a restaurant , presumably while the rest of the guests stay (not sure if we then pay for our own dinner or not ?)

and then the bus will bring us back for the
disco etc..

i would love to go to see other friends who are also travelling in but ?would be a bit when we had to make an exit thereby marking us out as less important guests than them?

wwyd?

rubyruby- that's actually quite a likely scenario- maybe they thought the venue would be okay and pushed the numbers a bit and then they said "no, sorry, 100 is the limit for fire" or something.

However, if it's only about 6 people extra, they should hold their nerve as they will get at least 6 people drop out in the lead up. I almost guarantee it.

YANBU! Rude and rediculous for you to put in the effort for people who obviously do not value your attendance enough.

2 temptations are

1.go - lose a stone between now and then and wear stunning dress.

2.dont go - print out this thread and post it to them?

(am actually far to chicken and lazy to do either of these in reality!)

We're going to have to do something a bit two-tier when we get married, as the chapel where we want the ceremony only seats about 60 so it's basically going to be just family and a handful of very close friends.

But we're planning to invite everyone else to a big knees-up afterwards, and there won't be any of that A list and B list nonsense there at all. If we can't afford a sit-down dinner for everyone, then we'll have a hog roast and a ceilidh and lots of relaxed fun.

IMO if someone is asking people to come a long way, spend money on transport, accommodation, frocks etc, then they should damn well throw on a good party. If they can't or won't do that, then they shouldn't invite you. It's ruder to invite someone and then slight them than not to invite them at all.

YANBU in the slightest!

I don't personally have a problem with not being invited to the church like how you're doing it Manatee, that seems perfectly fine to me.
It's the 'come to the church, which is free, bugger off during the expensive meal then you can come back during the cheap disco' way of doing things which I really think goes against the idea of hospitality.

But then again I like (and had a) child-free weddings which I know is a huge MN bugbear, so I guess it's swings and roundabouts!

I wouldn't go marrow without knowing who else is being shipped off. Can you call a few friends and find out what their invite is like and make a decision from there?

1 couple and 1 friend out of how many?

Kenobi - absolutely agree, the whole idea really "goes against the idea of hospitality".

Sounds like they have invited loads of people so they can brag about their huge wedding when in reality they cant afford it and many people are going to be put out and inconvenienced at their lack of thoughtfulness.

brokenmarrow
2 temptations are
1.go - lose a stone between now and then and wear stunning dress.
2.dont go - print out this thread and post it to them?
(am actually far to chicken and lazy to do
either of these in reality!)

Or 3) take the 300 pounds plus B & B costs and do something fabulous and really enjoyable for you and your family ( and have option of mentioning it every-time you talk to these friends for ever) . It is what I wish I'd done.