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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find this a bit odd and not sure whether to go now?

133 replies

brokenmarrow · 25/01/2011 12:10

Have been invited to a wedding which will cost about £300 pounds to get there (plus
whatever hotel/B&B costs)

Had assumed we would be invited because dh is paying rather a lot to go on stag weekend.

Got email to say there is no room for the meal so we would be invited to the ceremony and speeches then put on a bus and taken to a restaurant , presumably while the rest of the guests stay (not sure if we then pay for our own dinner or not ?)

and then the bus will bring us back for the
disco etc..

i would love to go to see other friends who are also travelling in but ?would be a bit when we had to make an exit thereby marking us out as less important guests than them?

wwyd?

OP posts:

GORGEOUSX · 25/01/2011 12:45

Clearly, they regard you as having bad table-manners and/or don't like you enough to pay for your meal.

They figure they'll be pissed by the time you come back for the disco, so will be able to suffer you.

It's a no-brainer really isn't it.

mumto2andnomore · 25/01/2011 12:47

That sounds awful, I would feel very unwelcome and probably wouldnt go at all.

rubyrubyruby · 25/01/2011 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

brokenmarrow · 25/01/2011 12:55

Thanks thought i was maybe being a bit touchy - we are secretly emailing other friends to try and find out how many might be on the bus but yes am very afraid there will be some awful announcement along the lines off

will all those not considered important enough now leave - your bus is here - see you later.

some friends are travelling from other continents and will be only chance to see them for a while ( also cant imagine they will be bussed out after travelling several hundreds of miles )

OP posts:

DinosaursHateUnderpants · 25/01/2011 12:55

Personally I wouldn't go, I think it's really rude.

Original poster

brokenmarrow · 25/01/2011 12:56

GORGEOUSX do you think if i phoned and promised to use a knife and fork and leave the nosebag at home it would help ?

OP posts:

GORGEOUSX · 25/01/2011 12:58

LOL! No, I think they're incredibly rude. I'm sure your table manners are worthy of the Queen herself!

DublinMammy · 25/01/2011 13:01

Come back incredibly drunk and berate them in front of all the A-list for their lack of manners. Enjoy!

Tolalola · 25/01/2011 13:04

Was just about to post, then saw that swanandduck had said exactly what I was going to say!

Maybe try to have a word with some of your other friends who are going to be there and find out if they're in the same boat (bus) though. mAybe one of them will know what the deal is with the restaurant re: who's paying etc.

BackInTheRoom · 25/01/2011 13:05

I hate these kind of dooooos! Nothing like a shite good wedding to f**k up friendships!

I would go to the ceremony and leave if I were you OR go to the meal with the rest of the rejects guests and stay and have a good time there.

BackInTheRoom · 25/01/2011 13:06

I cant get the hang of the strike through? now

valiumredhead · 25/01/2011 13:07

Bizarre!!!

funkygibblets · 25/01/2011 13:07

Are you very close friends? seems a bit strange!

Merrylegs · 25/01/2011 13:19

There is nothing unusual (although I always think it's a bit tacky) about only being invited to the evening party as well as being welcome at the wedding service (especially if it is in a church as any tom dick and harry can go).

What is really freaky is being invited to the ceremony and then being bussed out to an alternative venue until you are allowed to reappear again in the evening. Quite mad.

(And an email to tell you there is no room at the meal?! Mmm. Classy.)

OhCobblers · 25/01/2011 13:24

i've heard of similar.

registry office wedding and then some guests assumed they were off to the venue for lunch.
they discovered they weren't due there 'til the evening, however, were only told that at the registry office. no advance warning at all!!! admittedly in london so no shortage of places to go.

i really hope that OP's friends travelling from abroad are invited to the whole thing. that would be even worse!!! find the whole thing shockingly rude though.

however, if a good number of your mates are on the "bus" too then you will probably all end up having a great time - maybe get too pissed that you don't actually make it back to the evening do . only joking!!

coatgate · 25/01/2011 13:29

This reminded me of a wedding I went to shortly after leaving college. College friend invited lots of mates to ceremony, then the posh people went off to a Golf Club for a wedding breakfast and we went back to the parent's house for a buffet. Very odd.

I think if you want to see friends from overseas then yes, you should go. Just make a joke out of the whole thinng.

taintedpaint · 25/01/2011 13:35

Very bloody rude, and no way would I be going. I don't even think I'd send a present.

Classic example of B&G wanting to have a wedding beyond their means and upsetting their friends in order to get it. Horrible people.

Original poster

brokenmarrow · 25/01/2011 13:38

groom was is friends with dh so it will ultimately be dh's choice. If it was a friend of mine i would be greviously insulted and probably refuse to go but then none of my friends would do something like this !

OP posts:

GORGEOUSX · 25/01/2011 13:44

Yes, I agree, it's DH's decision. Men tend not to be offended by anything by these things, so you'll be going - enjoy!

GORGEOUSX · 25/01/2011 13:46

Bibidee You need to use the hyphen, rather than the underline key.

swanandduck · 25/01/2011 13:47

When did weddings evolve from nice simple occasions, with every one keeping within their means even if it meant sandwiches and beer in the local hall to big stage managed events with guests being told they have to donate cash only no unwanted presents, they can only come to the church and the disco not the meal, they must do this, they must do that and if they don't they are 'ruining' the B&G's day. I really think people having weddings need to get over themselves and stop acting as if they've suddenly become royalty (and rude royalty at that).

Swarski · 25/01/2011 13:53

We had a similar experience, no explanation given for the following invite:

12 O'Clock wedding at registry office

7pm meal and disco.

No arrangements made for the 6 and a half hour break and the majority of the guests none the wiser on the day.

Found out afterwards that the grooms dad had altzhimers and so they had a private family lunch so people did not witness his increasingly odd behaviour. V upper class family and felt it was not 'proper'!!

Anyway, weird experience that made us feel pretty shit that friends thought we would be so horrid to judge his sick father!

Swarski · 25/01/2011 13:53

We had a similar experience, no explanation given for the following invite:

12 O'Clock wedding at registry office

7pm meal and disco.

No arrangements made for the 6 and a half hour break and the majority of the guests none the wiser on the day.

Anyway, weird experience that made us feel pretty shit that friends thought we would be so horrid to judge his sick father!

mackereltaitai · 25/01/2011 13:54

I have been to a wedding like this, but I did understand because it was specific circumstances - the couple were 1 year post-graduating and broke, they each came from families of 4 siblings each and could only afford a meal for their immediate families, but wanted to invite all their friends. TBH it was fun, we went and decorated the evening venue for them and hung out with the friends we actually wanted to see, rather than making small talk with Auntie Y who we'd never met before. However, crucially none of us had kids at the time, they held the wedding at the city we'd all studied in, so it cost nothing for several of us and was cheap for the others, no bussing anywhere, and they were very open about what was happening and why.

Are they paying for the restaurant meal?

I think you could still have fun - why not ring a couple of friends who are also going and broach the subject with them, agree to sit together if they are in the bus group. But if it's going to be a hassle (£300??) just decline. you don't have to be a slave to other people's crazy ideas.

Quenelle · 25/01/2011 13:58

Sounds quite sinister to me.

But appears to be quite normal for weddings these days. Apparently guests are so grateful to be invited to the social event of the year that they'll put up with any insult, snub, expense or generally weird decree just to be there.

Honestly, if DH and I had made any of the ridiculous stipulations I've seen in recent threads when we had our wedding 19 years ago we'd have ended up sitting on our own in the registry office.

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