I don't know what it is with my parents, in-laws for that matter. Perhaps some comments on here might help me gain a bit of perspective!
I have three dc, a four year old who goes to pre-school a couple of mornings per week, a nearly 2-year old ds and a 4 month old dd. I've had difficult pregnancies with each, and am just adjusting to looking after all three mostly on my own. Dh works full-time but is otherwise helpful etc, and I'm on maternity leave at the moment. On average dh and I go out on our own in the evening once a year. My parents never want to have the children, either to stay/go out/babysit etc. They both live 10 minutes away, but my Mum works full-time (out of choice, she won't retire because she feels she has to visit her mother in a nursing home every evening, and has confessed that without the 'excuse' of work she'd feel she had to spend more time with her). They 'pop' to see our family usually on a Sunday evening for half an hour when I'm frantically trying to make a meal, but otherwise don't help. Well, my Dad is retired and does call around in the week so I can collect eldest dd from pre-school without waking the others from their nap, so twice a week he sits with the two children asleep for half an hour while he does his Sudoku, an I am grateful for that because it is hard work getting the two little ones out in the afternoon to pick dd up.
When I was pg I was worried sick about leaving my eldest, and last time about leaving dd and ds, but got no reassurances from my parents. Mum said it had better not be on Tuesday because she had a meeting, she wouldn't be able to get out of interviews on such and such a day, and the end of term would be difficult. She said she'd 'pop' in when she could, leaving dh to basically look after the children single-handed. In fact, when I was in labour he rang his own parents, half an hour away, to ask if they could help and they said they had a doctor's appointment the next morning so couldn't have the children. They actually had them for an hour later the next day when dh came to collect me and the baby, and leant him £2.00 for the car park which they asked to have back next time we saw them but... I digress!!
In a bid to build relations with my Mum I've been going out for an hour a week with her, walking (so that we can both get fitter and have a chat away from the children). In our discussion last night she tells me that it was harder for her because she had 'no one' when her children were young. I feel really angry about this because firstly I was nearly four when my brother was born, whereas I've got three children under that age, and secondly I know that my grandparents moved in before my brother was born and stayed with our family for a week or so, cooking, cleaning etc. I've breastfed all three, in fact am still feeding two of them, and feel exhausted most of the time. With ds I was diagnosed with pnd - he had reflux, and I wasn't getting any sleep, and was generally feeling anxious and depressed the whole time. I told my family about the diagnosis in a bid to be open and 'ask for help' and they laughed about it. Not in a callous way, but in a sort of 'she thinks you've got depression?' kind of incredulous way. I went for counselling at the time, and found it quite helpful, and realised that a lot of my problems stem from my expectations of my family and so forth... I'm trying my best to not expect help (because I know I'm not going to get it) and to not feel hard done to, because I know it can sound like a stuck record, and you get in a negative mindset ending up feeling jealous/bitter/angry about everything when in reality I've a lot to be grateful for, love my children, our choice entirely to have three little ones, happy with dh etc etc. I just can't help feeling that my Mum is being unreasonable. She thinks she had it so bad, and thinks that all her friends who spend time looking after their own grandchildren need their heads testing - why would they want to do that? I feel hurt that she doesn't want to spend time with my children, and throws herself into work first, then visiting my Nan second, then when she is on holiday (she's a teacher) she heads straight off either abroad or to stay with my brother and sister. I'm garbling, I know, don't know if this makes sense, and I know that grandparents don't have to give up their lives just because they have grandchildren, but I find her general attitude so unsupportive. Fed up fed up. Feel doubly unlucky that both parents and in-laws seem to feel the same, so no chance of any help or support, and the only thing we ever hear is how bad it was for them!!!