To be annoyed when parents hog high chairs

[Mapley]

I hate it when you're in a busy cafe, that only has a couple of high chairs and they are invariably in use.

But what annoys me more is when they have a 6 (or something) month old baby in them that has finished being spoon fed 20 minutes ago and is now being ignored (and conveniently contained) while his mum drinks coffee and chats. In the meantime i'm wrestling my one year old who is too little for an adult chair, wriggles all over the place without a high chair and won't eat half as much as he should when he can't reach the table and isn't strapped in.

Surely when you've finished feeding your baby you give up the high chair, and either hold your baby or put them in their buggy, not hog the highchairs and make other parent's lives difficult?

Today I was in a cafe and this woman literally sat there for over half an hour with her baby in the high chair playing with toys while I tried to feed my toddler on my knee! I finally decided to ask her if she finshed with the hugh chair, and she said no and carried on chatting! Grrrr

I usually do carry round a portable fabric high chair, but it's still not as good and I usually pick cares to go too because I know they have high chairs.

Aibu?

I think it would be ok to ask if they could put their baby in the buggy, but if there wasn't space at the table for a buggy or they didn't want to that would be fair enough. I don't want to have my baby on my lap while I eat!

I would complain though to the restaurant that they don't have enough highchairs because booster seats are v inexpensive. I actually have an inflatible booster seat which I would try and take with just in case.

this thread has reminded me of the Boden-clad family in the Shell Bay cafe by the Sandbanks ferry who were using all 3 highchairs only all 3 were empty and the children had finished and were running around outside but they still wouldn't let us have one.
They didn't use them again during the whole meal

sethstark' - i would have just taken one and told them they don't own the bloody things...

Just out of interest, Wwyd if?

You were on the bus with your awake or walking baby in your buggy. A women with a sleeping or tiny baby in a buggy comes on. Would you fold your pram for her and hold your child even though you were there first?

You were in a bar with a friend, sitting on some sofas with room for 8 or so. A large group come in and have to stand at a table for two next to you. Would you offer to swap with them and let them have the sofas even though you were there first?

You're on a plane, there's a couple that can't sit together because all the single people are sat alone at the window seats. Would you move to another seat and let them sit together?

"If I am in a cafe with dd and she is in a high chair and has finished eating, then if someone else needs it to feed their child then of course I offer it to them.

If my child had finished eating and I see another mother struggling to feed her child on her knee then I give them the highchair, that's what most people do."

louii

those two sentences say exactly the same thing

I must not have ever met "most other people" then as I have never once been offered a highchair that a family is still using. You'd have thought somewhere along the line having had 3 children I'd have met at least one of them !

Personally though I@ve never struggled to feed a child on my knees (or a pushchair for that matter).

I have however struggled to eat my own food/drink my own drink with a child sat on my knee, and/or had to leave my food/drink behind because they were getting fed up in the pushchair staring under the tables/away from us........

Oh Mapley you are asking for trouble with that last post...

But before it kicks off to answer your points:

Bus - I'd fold but I wouldn't get off so she could get on if there was no room.

Bar - I'd move, but only if there was somewhere else to sit. Again for same reason that we were there first.

Plane - I'd move, but again only if there was another seat. It's not going to hurt them to have to sit individually but would inconvenience me to have to get another flight.

IMO you're not comparing like with like. Where there's no question of need them a first-come basis is the correct way. Obviously where need come into it, eg if the person getting on the bus wasn't pushing a buggy but a wheel chair user then that's completely different and my dc and I would get off the bus for that passenger.

Where there's no priority of need

I don't have toddlers, but am retrospectively jealous of all those who don't have to wait the best part of an hour for their DC to sloooooooooooowly finish up every last crumb. But that kind of chair-hogging is presumably acceptable? Except that I ought to have given up my chair as I'd finished about 45 minutes earlier. Every Bloody Time.

Bus - unless it's a particularly quiet time of day/quiet bus I always take my awake DS's out of the buggy anyhow. However given that most times I'm on a bus it's packed and I have to stand myself then no I wouldn't take my small child out of a buggy and stand holding them/hold them up.

Bar - Like Katie - I'd probably move if there was somewhere for us to sit. I wouldn't give up my seat if I then had to stand for example.

Plane - Same as Katie.

Though tbh I'm not sure what comparing swapping a seat has got to do with GIVING UP a seat.......

I've been offered highchairs people were still using a few times. Usually in greasy-spoon type cafes and by women who were probably the grandma not the mum - from which I conclude that our generation is probably more selfish about this than the previous one.
(though it may also be that if you are out with grandma you are less under pressure than if it's just you, so you're more likely to notice other people/have a spare lap for the baby to sit on once you've given away the highchair.)

"If you can help by simply sitting your child on your knee, then it's a nice, helpful thing to do."

ok so this other parent now has to struggle to balance their child (the baby in the OP was about 6 months old) and their coffee/food whatever? why is thatany different than you saying "you can't have the chair because i want it."?

both children have the same need for the chair- to be able to sit, contained safely while eating, waiting for parents to finish eating.

both parents have the same need for the chair- to be able to eat/ drink cofee without having to struggle to contain or keep safe their baby.

why is your need for that any more important than the otehr parent's need?

I am slightly puzzled about what Mutznutz said that was so horrifyingly rude! Her post seemed about par for the thread to be honest.

OP, YABU. I think you might have accepted that. But then sort of unaccepted it again. And then maybe re-accepted it. I am confused so will proceed as though I have only read the OP.

There is another thread running at the moment about prams on buses. Slightly different issue because public transport is a means to an end, whereas a coffee shop is somewhere you go for pleasure and social reasons, but there is a point that is relevant to both scenarios. When you have a child, particularly in a busy, family orientated place like parts of London, for example, you are constantly in "competition" with other mums for things like high chairs, comfy seats in cafes for feeding babies, spaces for prams on buses etc. It makes simple trips out that much more stressful if you know that you might not get on the bus, or that you will have to hover and pounce on a high chair in the cafe. The easiest thing to do is to make yourself self-sufficient. Get a pram that folds easily, or a sling to solve the bus issue, and get a clip on high seat to solve the high chair issue. Then you don't have to depend on anyone else. My friend and I both had the Phil and Teds clip on high chairs. Hers went under her buggy, mine went in my bag. We had one buggy and one sling between us and life was pretty easy.

In answer to the OP, I would be shocked if I had been asked to take my baby out of a seat so that a 22 month old could use it. That is easily old enough to sit in a normal seat if no high chair is available. My 18 month old does - it's not the most restful experience but we manage!

And incidentally, at 4 months my DS was very lucky not to be scalded when I stupidly moved a cup of hot tea out f the reach of my friend's toddler...and straight into the reach of my son who decided to demonstrate his picking up ability for the first time. How the hot tea that he poured over his hand didn't scald him I will never know. So I would never, ever ask a mum to put her baby on her lap in a coffee shop just because it might be slightly easier for me and my toddler.

on a bus. if i was on first and tehre was no room for her buggy, she shouldn't have gotten on. sorry but she shouldn't get on if there isn't any more room for her buggy.

in a club, no i wouldn't stand so 8 people could sit. me and my friend go there first. i would have no problem with 6 of the eight people sharing teh sofas with us though. their need to sit is no greater than mine just because tehre are more of them.

on a plane. if tehre is a single seat for me to go to, of course i would move but that isn't the same as the highchair issue as changing seat isn't the same as giving up a seat.

Kate - I chose those examples (assuming in all cases you'd still have a seat, and you'd stay on the bus) because they have the same feel to me, that in giving up your seat you'd be inconvenienced in order to help others. Which I personally would do everytime.

But then in doing that I know I'm assuming that for others having their baby on their knee is just inconvenient, as it is for me, rather than a struggle and unsafe. So easy to only judge by your own standards innit! I really should shut up, and just continue to be the person I am without expecting others to be the same!

kungfupanda - I'm confused too! I think that i've accepted I'm in the minority in my viewpoint, and resolved to not get annoyed about it in future. I'm also pleased and very interested to read nice posts like yours that serve to help me understand why others feel differently to me so I can learn to be more tolerant of others.

But no I haven't accepted that I'm unreasonable to hold my viewpoint, just unreasonable to expect others to hold it too. Which I don't anymore!

Yes I shall continue taking my fabric high chair everywhere! Those phil and ted's ones do look good, i'll maybe look out for one on ebay.

YABU. Your issue is with the cafe for not providing enough highchairs for the obvious demand, not with the other parents who are using them.

but why is the inconvenience to YOU having a child on your knee while you try and eat your own food/drink your coffee any greater than the person who you're trying to swipe the highchair off?

Why should they be inconvenienced so that you're not? Why is your need greater than theirs??

do people even worry about this?

YABU

think you're confused their too baroque, i wasn't feeling inconvenienced because I was eating with my child on my knee, I was fed up because I was finding it difficult to feed my child without a high chair.

in answer to what I think you wanted to ask , because I viewed the highchairs as just being a resource to enable you to feed your child and didn't realise others saw them differently. So if someone needed a chair to feed their child I viewed this as more important than someone using a chair for other reasons! I see now that others see it differently and fair enough. They are entitled to that viewpoint as I'm entitled to mine. Hopefully we'll both just be considerate to each other.

OK - so you were fed up not feeling inconvenienced

So the question is the same - why should another parent be made to be fed up so that you're not??

knitted breast, excellent point well made!

bye all! I don't think i'll be starting one of these threads again. Although it has been helpful in some respects, it's obviously complete nonsense. The things you do when you're poorly eh? shall try to resist responding again! thanks all!

i have a solution

keep the little horrors at home until they are at least 33 and able to sit nicely without annoying normal people :)

Sorry if you have already answered this OP but just out of interest why can't you feed your DC in his pram when a highchair isn't available?

We took DS out yesterday and went into a cafe, no highchairs were available so we gave him his snack and drink in his pram, ok his cozy toes is now in the wash but better that than getting myself in a tizzy about highchairs or risk DS stealing my cream cake by sitting him on my lap.

i already answered your question above baroque, ie because, rightly or wrongly, I viewed the high chairs as a means to feed babies, and not as a safety and socialising aid.

right! cheery bye, have a nice day lady.

YABU. I'd be saying fair enough you have a point if they weren't using it, but if there's a baby sat in it and the mum hasn't finished, she's not just going to give it up is she? First come first saved, they were using it first, and blatantly hadn't finished!
It's a bit cheeky in my opinion for you to decide 'oh she has to go now, I need it, off you go then!' Let the poor woman finish FGS!
:-)