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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For considering having a DC2 with my exP?

127 replies

imhungry · 22/01/2011 20:38

Bit of a long one but bear with me. I split with exP after it became apparent that he may prefer boys to ladies IYSWIM! We have a DS who is 2.4yo. Obviously it was a deal breaker but we have stayed on very good terms and still have a good friendly relationship. He comes to see DS most days and we take him out and on holiday together. Nobody knows the real reason we split.

Before we split we both said we wanted another DC and I would still like to have another baby at some point. AIBU (or just insane) to consider asking him to have a 2nd DC with me?

I have thought about using an anonymous donor but am put off this by it meaning the younger DC wouldn't have a father around when DS would have his around and would be off doing stuff with him. I think it would be difficult for younger DC.

I'm very limited for space at home and as a result DS and I co sleep (its not just a space issue as we both enjoy it) but I know as he gets older he will need his own room etc. AIBU to think about having another one when I'm pushed for space?

I know what hard work having a baby is and have heard many people say its much harder going from one to two so would it be too difficult to manange on my own?

AIBU to think about having a 2nd DC on my own and/or asking my exP to be the father?

OP posts:
clevercloggs · 22/01/2011 20:39

nah gwan

and hope its twins

FabbyChic · 22/01/2011 20:41

To be honest, Im a believer in not having children with different fathers, if this would suit you i.e both your children having the same dad its a great idea.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 22/01/2011 20:42

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RealityIsKnockedUp · 22/01/2011 20:43

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RealityIsKnockedUp · 22/01/2011 20:44

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suwoo · 22/01/2011 20:45

Go for it. I would.

suwoo · 22/01/2011 20:46

Can I just ask a nosy question though? Would you shag him or use a turkey baster?

chippy47 · 22/01/2011 20:46

erm.... How lovely? Bang em out ,no proper father figure, not much space for one never mind 2. You go for it.

chillichill · 22/01/2011 20:46

go for it. and if your such great friends, why not live together?

brightlightsandpromises · 22/01/2011 20:46

I thought it was fantastic until you said how little space you have. Do you work? what about supporting the child? Does your ex pay for everything? Whilst i do think its a quaint idea, what will happen if and when you meet a new partner and want children with him?

So, with my sensible head on i would say yes only:

If you can comfortably support new child

If you are sure you wont meet someone else and want a child with them

You can cope with two children on your own (which im sure you can and your ex helps alot).

good luck

FreudianSlipIntoMyLaptop · 22/01/2011 20:48

I think you'll need to be prepared for disappointment in case he's not keen on the idea.

But I think it'd be really lovely - it'd be different (IMO) if you'd broken up because he's horrible or whatever... But as you're still on good terms, well it sounds great :)

lostinwales · 22/01/2011 20:48

My friend did this with her 'boyfriend', had a beautiful daughter together and then even though he wasn't around as a 'parent' she had another child with him. They are lovely children and seem to be a very happy family of three but it was very hard work being a single mum when they were both small. Still if it were me I'd go for it, even after watching how hard it was for her at first!

ThatsNotMyAlpaca · 22/01/2011 20:52

YANBU

So long as you have a good relationship i think it would work out great.

Chippy of course they would have a father figure ffs! I am separated from my dd's father but that makes him no less of a dad.

Original poster
imhungry · 22/01/2011 20:53

Thank for the prompt replies - you lot are quick!

Yes I work and think I could just about manage financially. He pays maintenance for DS.

Don't mind you being nosy and it would be a turkey baister job - couldn't consider the other option I'm afraid!

I'm not interested in a new relationship - just too much hassle.

The lack of space is a problem but if I can work around that is it better long term for DS to have a sibling?

OP posts:
nulgirl · 22/01/2011 20:53

Have you ever broached the idea with your ex? Tbh I think it is not a bad idea if he is happy to co-parent as he is currently doing. I personally would have felt very sad to only have had one child so can see the attraction especially if time is not on your side.

Are you happy however to be single and so involved with your ex? Have you not fancied meeting someone new soon even if you don't want to have children with anyone else?

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/01/2011 20:55

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WimpleOfTheBallet · 22/01/2011 20:56

Fabby

Hmm And THAT'S a realistic belief isn't it?

RumourOfAHurricane · 22/01/2011 20:56

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ThatsNotMyAlpaca · 22/01/2011 20:57

TBH i don't think lack of space is a reason not to go for it. You could always move to bigger place in a cheaper area if need be.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 22/01/2011 20:57

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Nanny0gg · 22/01/2011 20:58

Seriously? You are off your trolley. Shock
Do you actually think he'd go for the idea?

Original poster
imhungry · 22/01/2011 21:01

I don't think I can move in the short term but long term I'll need to. I'll need a bedroom for DS anyway so have always thought I'll go in the living room (with sofa bed) when he needs his own room. At the moment its lovely that we share as we both like the co-sleeping but I know having another is much harder.

OP posts:
TitusOates · 22/01/2011 21:03

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brightlightsandpromises · 22/01/2011 21:05

i hate to bring this up, but it has just occured to me, is he HIV tested? that sounds really homophobic but its not, its just that he is in a relationship with someone else? So there is a risk, i should want to have that ruled out first!

stewmaker · 22/01/2011 21:07

how would you explain to everyone that you've split but had another child Wink

i think it's a lovely idea