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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random old ladies touching my baby's hands!

319 replies

MsKLo · 21/01/2011 20:17

AGHHHHHH

So this happened again...

In Tesco's the other day and my baby is in the trolley and I am shopping away when an old lady (I only put old as it has always been old ladies who have done this!) comes up to us and takes my baby's hand in hers...

I really really hate this! Why do people I do not know insist on touching my baby's hands? She puts them in her mouth still, I don't want random strangers who I don't know touching her hands.

Get orrrrfffff! I don't want people touching my baby's hands! One time, this other old lady who was coughing and sniffing came up and went to touch my baby's hand and was offended when I moved my baby away!

Do any of you ladies get annoyed by this or does it not bother you?!

OP posts:
KirstyAllsoap · 21/01/2011 21:54

Superb post BCBG

but OP isn't picking on the elderly, just in her experience it is them that are touching her baby.

It's a generation thing. Middle aged women often chat/smile/play with my baby, but don't touch her.

I think it's worth remembering that mothers of young children are evolutionary programmed to be extra protective of their young vunerable offspring so that they don't get eaten by a sabertoothed tiger/catch swineflu from a 95yr old prostitute

KatieScarlett2833 · 21/01/2011 21:55

(waltzes off with Blessed to the sunny side of the street)

PatPending · 21/01/2011 21:57

Methinks people need to get a grip.
Babies shove all sorts of crap in their gobs.
That's the nature of babies.

OK ... you obviously don't want some really dirty person pawing at your child, but really get a grip. If this old lady appeared to be clean etc. you are being a bit silly.
I sometimes wonder how cavemen/women managed to keep babies alive.
We have bred a generation of "allergic" children because we are too clean nowadays.
Actually, personally I think it's more like 2-3 generations of "allergic" children because of our obsession with "hygiene".

I am now donning my flame-retardant suit.

sungirltan · 21/01/2011 21:59

agree with bcbg and patpending (no flaming here!)

Lamorna · 21/01/2011 21:59

There seems to be an awful lot of my in OP as if the baby is a possession.
I think it is lovely, the elderly lady and your DC would get a lot out of it. Much better to be sociable than live in a bubble. In countries where they have a reputaion for liking DCs they pick them up.....shock, horror! I think that it is more refined in UK with touching hands, or sometimes feet, and quite sweet.

Nando95 · 21/01/2011 22:00

I really cant believe that this would be an issue for anyone- I find it unbelievably sad.
Germs are everywhere and are essential for life! To be so paranoid that people would want to touch a babys hands is frankly unbelievable! It reeks of snobbery, ageism, and judgement! All the bad things that happen in the world and some people see a person reaching out for human contact as an issue- I think this is awful!

friedtoacrisp · 21/01/2011 22:00

No flaming from here either PatPending because what you say is 100% right.

gibbberish · 21/01/2011 22:01

Old ladies holding your baby's hand I can cope with.

But thinking that it is ok to allow a person who has taken drugs (as long as they have licked them off their fingers) to hold their baby's hand, is a bit much imo. Ugh.

Odd thread.

friedtoacrisp · 21/01/2011 22:01

And Nando95 I completely agree and that was my first point. It is incredibly sad.

sungirltan · 21/01/2011 22:05

eh???

again......eh??

i don't get anyone under 55 cooing at/under chin chucking/cheek stroking/hand clutching dd!!!!

the only people likely to come into contact with dd who take drugs are some of dh's mates - which is why they arn't allowed over!!!

femalevictormeldrew · 21/01/2011 22:05

Reading your post has made me a bit sad. My grandmother passed away two years ago and she would have loved to see a little baby and probably would have touched its hand (and stuck a couple of bob into the pram for luck!).

A little baby might be the only ray of light that these people have seen in a while or might remind them of their own kids who are long grown up. I have two kids and probably have suffered with PFB-itis on occasion, but I have to say I think YABU.

Hopefully we'll all be old ourselves sometime and Its only kindness and love that is making them do it.

Topspin · 21/01/2011 22:07

BCBG, PatPending and Nando95 - great posts. I agree and as I said in my first post, it's a shame that this is how the wider community is perceived by some.

Yes, it makes me sad. Especially as my children are almost grown up now and I will remember this thread and maybe not interact with a young parent and their baby because of it.

Chatelaine · 21/01/2011 22:09

I agree with what Lamorna says. We do not live in a bubble and your reaction is a bit extreme imo. Often people give sontaneous gestures and mean well; it would be a shame if this died out in our society.

libelulle · 21/01/2011 22:10

Not being entirely unreasonable in my book - I hate it too, but mainly because my DS was born extremely prematurely and in the early months, catching a simple cold could have killed him. Nothing to do with snobbery or ageism Hmm I kept him cocooned in his pram with the raincover on for precisely that reason. Now he's a bit less vulnerable I'm trying to get a grip, but it still bugs me I admit - not just old ladies, lots of people do it. I don;t mind touching - stroke his hair, touch his babygro - just leave his hands alone!

Chatelaine · 21/01/2011 22:12

Spontaneous even!

FreeBards · 21/01/2011 22:13

Shall we kill all old people with fire?

OP admitted she was a troll (in another post) didn't she? I reckon there was no old lady, or house made of biscuits or three pigs.

Pub anyone?

strawberriesncream · 21/01/2011 22:15

McHobbes what a silly arse you are!!!

So you've NEVER been touched by a random stranger and found it slightly inappropriate?

I agree with the op and don't think she is being remotely unreasonable...

Children are not 'delicious' this objectifies them in an idealistic way.

I've had complete strangers come up to my child and rub noses with him!! FFS that is disgusting!!

I've worked in care with kids, the elderly and adults with learning disabilities... dignity and respect are not about being thought cute or whatever... dignity is about being respected, having your feelings respected and having your needs met. It just pisses me off when you talk about community as though it is some ideal. I've contributed through my work to the most vulnerable in our society and yet I still feel strongly about strangers touching my kids! That doesn't make me or the op bad people - I just simply don't like it. I don't have to like it or put up with it... If little old ladies, men or any other lonely person wants to have some human contact then I'll quite happily stop and chat to them! But don't touch my kids I don't like it!!!

StayFrosty · 21/01/2011 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lamorna · 21/01/2011 22:18

I remember when mine were babies and I used to visit elderly relatives in care homes I would carry them around to say 'hello' to all the old people. They loved it! (babies and the elderly) Surely it is better to be friendly to an elderly lady, who may not speak to anyone all day, than worry about your DC's hands? Once they are crawling they encounter far worse and put it in their mouths!

PatPending · 21/01/2011 22:19

FreeBards - I spotted OP's other thread just now funnily enough!
I refuse to pass comment 'cos I love MN and lots of posters........
Hmmmm .... mine's a red wine.

Chatelaine · 21/01/2011 22:19

To those that do not wish their older babies to have their hands touched - do you go to mums's groups, soft play, other germ ridden environments?

usualsuspect · 21/01/2011 22:21

I'm an elderly lady and I'm going to make it me mission to touch as many babies hands as I can...just to piss off the bloody loonie mums

twirlymum · 21/01/2011 22:21

The trolley is probably more of a worry.

Lamorna · 21/01/2011 22:22

I never touch them, but I feel inclined to have a go!

Morloth · 21/01/2011 22:23

My baby likes to lick people and can pick his nose with his toes. I wonder why no-one wants to touch his hands?

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