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Original poster

I have no idea what to do? DH or OM?

331 replies

CheshireCat · 20/01/2011 22:45

I really am in a mess.. I've been married 10 years, to a very good man. But have been having an affair for a year and a half.. He is single and wants to take on my 2 children, etc.. My husband wants to try and make a go of things.. but I just don't know what to do. He has a very high profile job, always, busy working away..and in the zone, I felt so so lonely..I have no family around..I feel I spent my 10 years being at home etc.

Am currently going to relate to sort my head out.. DH is waiting for me to sort myself out, and the OM is also waiting as well. :(

OP posts:
Ihavebeencreditcrunched · 20/01/2011 23:44

Your DH is a very patient man!

I think you need to stop dithering, dump the OM and put some real, honest work into your marriage.

Other than being bored, you have nothing to complain about regarding your DH so why would you give up so easily and tear your family apart????

If...after total commitment by both of you...it doesn't work, you will both know you tried and you can part.

What is hard about this decision. The OM shouldn't have been shagging some poor blokes wife...and you should have kept your knickers on and worked for your relationship rather than copping out

onceamai · 20/01/2011 23:44

And what will happen in a few years time after you children have been uprooted and upset and the OM finds the third model?

mutznutz · 20/01/2011 23:45

That's a crap excuse 'Men' do not do it 'all the time' and 'Men' get bashed for treating women like shit just as much as women do for treating men like shit...actually probably more so because there often seems to be some misguided sympathy towards women in these situations.

For goodness sake, if you have an ounce of respect for your children and your husband you'll at least try to work this out with him...the easiest way would be to ditch the main problem which seems to be the other man.

If you and your husband decide to split then fair enough...leave him because BOTH of you are unable to solve your marital problems...having had enough respect for your children's feelings to at least try.

But giving up on a marriage because you've introduced a lover to the equation is totally different and pretty crass to put it mildly.

FreeBards · 20/01/2011 23:45

People get bashed for it, because it messes up lives. Including yours by your own admission in your OP. Hmm

AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:46

I think you should leave your husband

I don't give a shit what else you do

mutznutz · 20/01/2011 23:46

Well said brightlights

Deciduousblonde · 20/01/2011 23:47

Men do this all the time, if only their wives knew about it.. How come women get bashed for it?

Oh really?

My advice would be the same if you were male or female.

FreeBards · 20/01/2011 23:50

Ah Harriet but OP says he has a "very high profile job". Does she like the money? The status? Did she ask him to stop working so much? Do they skype? Sext? Email? You can work at long distance relationships you know. You know what? It can be sexy and fun to not see your OH every day/week/month.

1950s housewives or not, you pays your money, you takes your chance and other relevant clichés! (It takes two to tango anyone?) Wink

brightlightsandpromises · 20/01/2011 23:50

Harriet, if the OP got off her arse and got a job then maybe her husband could reduce the hours he does? Saying that, i respect any womans decision to be a SAHM because i did the very same thing.

Of course relationships breakdown but this woman wants her cake and to eat it too. Well her arse is going to get fat isnt it

onceamai · 20/01/2011 23:50

He's put work first. What a terrific crime. Presumably work first so you have a nice home, enough money and can be a sahm with so little to do that you have taken up with another "more exciting" man. Remember how exciting your DH was at the beginning? Why can't you try to rekindle that now - surely there is some substance to your relationship after two DC. If the OM is the true love of your life you wouldn't be asking the question you would be going to the far corners of the earth for him and you would know you were doing the right thing. If you have to ask, replant yourself in the flowerbed of reality and get on with the life you have.

brightlightsandpromises · 20/01/2011 23:54

waves madly at Anyfucker - (i used to be lucyellensmum, but dont tell anyone, you might not remember me)

bubblewrapped · 20/01/2011 23:54

It is perfectly possible for parents to separate and their children to live happy, well adjusted lives

I dont think its right to uproot them from their family home, and move them in with mummys bit of stuff straight away. What does she say to them "oh here you are darlings, here is your new daddy"...

Original poster
CheshireCat · 20/01/2011 23:54

brightlightsandpromises

yes i am for real, yes I may sound like a selfish brat, as others have suggested. Yes men do do this, all the time, women always get the bashing.. I was a devouted wife, I am a stay at home mother, with 2 children.. I don't paint my nails all day, or go out lunching.. I clean the house, iron shirts, cook dinner, walk the dogs etc.. I'm not saying I'm deprived, just very lonely.

Hatsponge

I don't want to excitment of shagging, just a companion.

FreeBards.

It has been going on a year and a half.. Yes I would never have an affair with a married man, I could never do that to another woman.

Toilet for one hour every day?! surely thats not normal?

OP posts:
ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 20/01/2011 23:56

Out of all of this, the thing I find hard to believe is that your DH has been such a doormat as to wait since last July for you to make your mind up. (Well that and your posting name tbh.)

Mind you - as cantspel said, if you told him what you had been up to, he'd probably make it up for you!

AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:56

brightlightsandpromises, hello

of course I remember you

why was I not informed of your name change ? < hard stare >

are people meant to be mindreaders eh ? eh ?

brightlightsandpromises · 20/01/2011 23:57

cheshire, i get the lonely i really really do, belive me and maybe i am being a little bit unfair to you, you havent got nasty in return. But i genuinely feel you should stick it out with your husband. You say YOU are going to relate? why just you? why doesnt he go with you, yes you are guilty one of having an affair but there are things that he needs to address too. Maybe then, you could work together, you must still love him, you have been offered a get out but you havent taken it = STAY

AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:57

OP...have you actually told your husband the truth ?

not a bullshit version

bubblewrapped · 20/01/2011 23:57

I would never have an affair with a married man, I could never do that to another woman

shame the bloke you are shagging doesnt have the same morals eh.. Hmm

AnyFucker · 20/01/2011 23:59

or that OP doesn't have the same morals about herself

brightlightsandpromises · 20/01/2011 23:59

AF, i only came back to ask for some advice with regard to running techniques! lolol i have tried to move on from my self pitying LEM days, im nearly there! lol Hope you are good! sorry, as you were ladies

onceamai · 20/01/2011 23:59

Well if I knew I was coming home to an unfaithful man everynight I'd hide in the bathroom for an hour. Have you thought just how upset you DH might be? Have you thought how lucky you are to have a choice at present? Don't you realise that it would be entirely miserable to be sitting at home all alone because DH has gone, had enough, vamoosh, because he can't stand the thought of your disloyalty.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2011 00:00

I am great, BLAP

I don't remember any self pity, btw

Deciduousblonde · 21/01/2011 00:00

You know what also happens to men all the time? seemingly dissatisfied wives take the kids away from them for a more exciting life..then sting him for maintanance and babysitting duties.

Generalisation? you're damned right it is.

mutznutz · 21/01/2011 00:01

Right well I'm off to bed so...

In a nutshell yes you are being unreasonable and not only that you're being a spoilt, selfish brat who imo (from what you've said so far) does NOT deserve a hard working husband and does not deserve the love and trust your children have no doubt put in their mother.

Good luck to your Husband and children...I hope they all remain very close to each other during the hard time you and your bit of stuff are going to put them through.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2011 00:03

OP, just fuck your husband off and take up with the fragrant OM

there are plenty of fabulous single ladies on here who would love a go at a hardworking, decent family man like your H