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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

or is the nursery?

161 replies

RegularHasNameChanged · 18/01/2011 17:50

Got a call today from my DD's nursery to say she had fallen asleep and could I come and get her as they hoped to take the other children out for a walk - whilst I didn't want to inconvenience the other children it was also quite inconvenient for me to cut short my plans to dash there.

It's a small and usually sweet nursery and not one that usually facilitates naps, but when I had asked before what would happen in this situation and if for example, she was tired and looking at a book in the reading corner and fell asleep would it be ok? I had been given the impression that yes, that would be ok.

She's not quite two, so still quite little, and had had a bad night's sleep, hence she fell asleep whilst reading a book with one of the nursery workers.

I asked them to try and wake her after ten minutes and then I would come if she wouldn't, and rang back 10 minutes later. They weren't keen on trying because she was "snoring and really asleep."

I got there ten minutes later to see her being woken by another child who simply stroked her cheek a couple of times, so felt a bit annoyed that this was all it took and that they still seemed keen for her to go home, despite me having to pay for the session.

Anyway (I'm getting there!) what really upset me is that she had been left lying face down on hard, and fairly cold floor. Sad
I feel that it's uncomfortable, unhygienic (she only recently recovered from croup too) and that she was vulnerable to being trodden on. If any child in my care fell asleep on the floor I would move them to a comfortable spot (she had a picket fence-enclosed beanbag area that was two feet behind her), or at the very least slipped a cushion under their face??

When I calmly asked this, I was shrugged off and told that they don't facilitate naps and that they "didn't know how long she would be there for". I asked how long it had been and the lady said half an hour!

I rang the manager (who was there at the time) this afternoon after checking with my DH that I wasn't being precious, he for once (!) said no and that I should clear it up). I asked her several times that if this situation ever arose again, would they put her somewhere safe and comfortable until I got there? She gave me a variety of evasive non-answers like "we don't facilitate naps", when children fall asleep during a session they need their mum" Confused, "the other children tried to wake her for ages and in the end we called them away", until the fourth time I asked and she just said "hmmm, yess, yess, anyway". I just felt flabbergasted and said see you next time.

I'm not sure if they're being wishy-washy or taking the piss!

I feel I've been uber-polite about it so far, even though I feel like flouncing but it's a small world round here,and I've been really trying to fit in to this new area and feel unsure of my next move. I like her carers but can't compute that they also think this is acceptable...

WWYD? I have to go out but will gratefully read your replies when I can throughout the evening.

OP posts:
Acanthus · 19/01/2011 14:45

That's really very odd. I live in the suburbs of a city and, as you say, nurseries that put the little ones down for naps are commonplace. Presumably that is because in the main they provide childcare for working parents and babies start at six months old quite frequently. Is this set up more akin to toddler group?

elephantjelly · 19/01/2011 14:58

this is a bad nursery. I would report them, remove your child and find other arrangements.

Megatron · 19/01/2011 15:06

YANBU, they are being ridiculous. Why do they 'not facilitate naps'? for heaven's sake, it's a nursery and your DD is a baby. And the fact that they left her on a hard floor when she could easily have been laid on soft cushions is awful and she could easily have been trodden on.

I would go and speak to the manager, tell them you are very unhappy at this treatment and ask why it was allowed to happen. I'm a nursery nurse by the way and this would never in a million years happen in my nursery.

tiggyhop · 19/01/2011 15:08

Where we are it is the law for all children until the age of 4 to have a nap in the middle of the day.

Rev084 · 19/01/2011 16:29

My DD of 2.4yrs isn't in nursery so can't really comment. But I would definitely not put my DD in a place that doesn't allow naps. I mean my DD has dropped her nap, mostly, these days but flexibility is the word especially if she's had a bad nights sleep or a very active morning. She's asleep now cos she was awake at 4.30am! Even older tots might need a little snooze in the afternoons.

I'd be very upset if I found my DD asleep on a cold, hard floor, very uncaring... horrible really. It would raise my suspicions as to how the children are treated generally. The staff's response to you is mind-boggling. As other people said, why didn't they just take her out in a buggy?

I would seriously put it on your agenda to change nurserys. Trust your instincts.

mumeeee · 19/01/2011 17:50

YANBU. The nursery should be providing somewhere for her to sleep. She is under 2 and I know ofsted insist that under 2's have somewhere to nap.

Ripeberry · 19/01/2011 17:55

What kind of nursery would make you come back to get your sleeping child? Find yourself a better nursery.
Children of that age should be having naps!
Even French schools still 'make' the kids have a nap after lunch (ecole maternelle).
Bonkers! Why can't they just take her along for the walk, don't they have spare buggies?

mumeeee · 19/01/2011 17:57

I worked at a nursery that for 2 to 5 year olds and was open from 9 to 4, Even here we were told that we had to provide somewhere for the younger children to sleep if they wanyted to.

BuntyPenfold · 19/01/2011 18:02

Report them to Ofsted, because I have never heard such a load of hooley in my life.

I worked in day care for years and thought I had heard it all.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/01/2011 18:04

That's awful, my DD is 4, her nursery get a little pillow and put it on the couch so she can have a nap if she needs one.

Ripeberry · 19/01/2011 18:06

How did the meeting with the manager go?

RegularHasNameChanged · 19/01/2011 18:23

Well we had the meeting today, I was channelling you lovely ladies when I felt myself faltering!

After a lot of going round the houses we finally got them to admit that in hindsight they should have moved her to a comfortable, safe area, and that if she (or another child) should ever fell asleep again that they would put them in the soft area (as is in EYFS guidelines, I was keen to point out).

She continued to say however, that she would then proceed to call us or our emergency carer number to have her collected! Confused I asked how any mother whose child is there can ever do a day's work?
They again stated they are not set up for naps and cannot employ an extra member of staff to watch over napping children, so I suggested they put her in a buggy (thanks tallulah / bonkers / reshape ) and took her with them on any walks or whatever she might be inconveniencing, only to receive blank stares.

She then tried to divert this by saying that it is highly unusual for a child to "fall asleep" in a stimulating environment and it "could be meningitis or something" so they had to call home...
Gobsmacked, I ignored this absolute rubbish and resisted the temptation to ask if she had ever been inside another nursery, and continued to say why take 19 month olds onwards who even when they do short sessions can still fall asleep which is perfectly normal and she replied none of hers ever had.

Now I know this to be bollocks because a friend's child who used to attend (before the manager insulted the mother) used to do short sessions when he was aged 2+ and they regularly put him to bed on the sofa in the staff room!

I will move her ASAP but not in a knee jerk style. I want to get the numbers for the mothers of the friends she likes and be sure of the next nursery's policies before I leap. Then I'll be ringing Ofsted and Montessori.

I have made it clear that what I called her "personal policy" is not EYFS policy and whilst she did not visibly acknowledge this whilst we were there, I do believe she knows she been found out on that score, so there's no imminent danger for my DD.

Thanks so much for all your advice, I've really apreciated it and it gave me the courage to tackle this.

OP posts:
Tolalola · 19/01/2011 18:26

I'd definitely find a new nursery. DC would not be going back to that one, I'm afraid.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 19/01/2011 18:28

I am so glad you went for it....cannot believe the meningitis comment! Stupid woman.

I would let all the other parents know about this too....you could always wait till' you leave..or just before. I know I would want to know if this happened at my DDs nursery.

MadamDeathstare · 19/01/2011 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chloe55 · 19/01/2011 18:40

I am Shock at reading this thread! Thank God you have addressed it. I used to childmind and not one of my under 3's went the whole day wthout a nap and I would plan my day (and the other childrens day) around a nap time. It is a well known fact that sleeping aids a child's ability to progress and learn. What an absurd statement to make about not facilitating naps in early years children! Angry

mincenmash · 19/01/2011 18:47

well done for tackling the manager. I have never heard anything as absurd as this. I also cannot believe the meningitis comment, especially as she didn't raise the possibility of her being ill, meningitis or otherwise, when she first rang you. And she still maintains she will call you if your DD falls asleep again. Is she for real? I know I'd be telling her where to stick it, especially if I was paying my hard earned cash for it as well. I would move my child asap as even after her supposed explanations it is still not acceptable. I find it hard to believe that this person actually works in child care when they have the opinion that it is "highly unusual" for a 2 yr old to fall asleep in a stimulating environment.....what a load of *$£!!!!!!
You are doing the right thing looking to move her but do it sooner rather than later.

NonnoMum · 19/01/2011 19:12

You might want to let the nursery manager know that lots of (good!) nurseries use things like these

NonnoMum · 19/01/2011 19:14

And, yep, def need a call to OFSTED, especially as she doesn't realise that children under 2 often nap in the day.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 19/01/2011 19:44

Well done for tackling the manager!

StarExpat · 19/01/2011 20:07

I teach 6-8 year olds and if one fell asleep (has happened before) I would make sure they were comfortable and safe - if we needed to leave the classroom to go to another place, I'd just get another member of staff to watch over sleeping child (again, has happened! Not regularly, but it has happened). Not once did I think "it's meningitis". I did call parents and let them know and asked if they wanted to let them rest and wake and finish the day or come collect... their choice. And that's much older children!

undercovamutha · 19/01/2011 20:09

Shock at the meningitis comment. The woman is a lunatic!

Glad you stuck to your guns!

littleducks · 19/01/2011 20:41

I would expect my childs nursery to ring an ambulance thought my child had meningitis and had passed out and thats why they couldnt be roused.......her story makes no sense

pixipie151 · 19/01/2011 21:04

Get her out of that so called nursery now. At nearly two (my DD is same age) they need a nap of 1-2.5 hours during the day. Why dont they facilitate naps? I've never heard anything like it!

And to leave her on the floor?! What the f is the matter with them? Common sense tells you that you'd move a child to a comfy spot and let her have her nap.

I'm so gutted for you and your little one. You put your trust and faith in these people and this is how they treat a child?!

I am a great advocate of nursery care, and believe me, my daughter's is far from perfect, but I would not expect that.

Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

threefeethighandrising · 19/01/2011 21:28

DS is just over 2 and he sleeps for 1.5 hours at nursery. It was one of the first things they asked me - did he need a nap and how long would I expect him to sleep for.

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