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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my dp's mum should just butt out?

104 replies

rougelapin · 15/01/2011 23:44

Had another delightful invasion from the in-laws today. Dp's mum ended the visit by telling me how wrong I was not to get ds (14 months) vaccinated. We've been through this many a time, just wish she'd respect and accept our decision. Am I right in thinking this is none of her bloody business?

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 15/01/2011 23:48

Would you feel the same if it was your own mum saying it?

It is your decision, but you cant stop grandparents having their opinion too.

mumeeee · 15/01/2011 23:50

She is only giving you her opinion.

cat64 · 15/01/2011 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
rougelapin · 15/01/2011 23:52

Yes I would feel the same. Luckily my mum agrees with me and I have her full support. I understand that dp's mum doesn't agree with me, that's fine, I'm just asking that she accept that we have differing views, and stop going on about it.

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AgentZigzag · 15/01/2011 23:53

If you've made the decision with your DP there's not much more to be said on it.

I take it she was just saying it because she cares for your DS and couldn't help herself, rather then having a dig?

Dansmommy · 15/01/2011 23:53

I think not vaccinating children is the wrong decision, and if someone was making that decision for children I loved, then I would find it hard not to give my opinion.

Original poster
rougelapin · 15/01/2011 23:55

It's fine to give her opinion, but she has done so many, many times before. It's not going to change anything, so wish she'd just accept it and stop harking on about it.

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curlymama · 15/01/2011 23:58

Once she has given her opinion, she should leave it alone and respect your descision. If she keeps going on about it, she is out of order and should butt out.

Original poster
rougelapin · 15/01/2011 23:58

I know that she cares for my son, I appreciate that and it's wonderful. I am just asking her to accept our decision. I think that vaccinating children is the wrong decision, but I would never force my opinions on someone (loved one or stranger). I would offer it, then shut up.

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GetOrfMoiLand · 16/01/2011 00:02

If she really will not belt up about it, just lie and say he has been vaccinated to stop the whole pointless discussion.

You are right, it has nothing really to do with her.

nickschick · 16/01/2011 00:03

The thing is sometimes we make decisions based on the information we have at that time and obviously youve put a lot of thought into your choice.

As much as you and your Dp are the childs Mum and Dad his and your mum are the Grandmas- usually Grandmas have been there before us and have experienced a lot of the quandries first- sometimes and im not saying this is the case they know best sometimes just for respect its better to acknowledge concerns made from love - I didnt get on with MIL we were at loggerheads until she was termially ill Sadit was only then I saw her as a friend as my Dhs Mum and she saw me as an addition to her family not a replacement for her.

Lifes really too short.

Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:06

Thanks for the feedback.

This is the same woman who thinks it's weird that we co-sleep and breastfeed (to name but a few things she dislikes). Oh and carrying my son on my back? MENTAL!
She on the other hand thinks it's fine to turn the radio up when your child is screaming as "it's fun to listen to them try to compete."
I am not about to take any parenting advice from her.

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 16/01/2011 00:06

I have to say, having weighed up pro's and cons, I would opt for vaccination too and I can understand why she is concerned.

charliesmommy · 16/01/2011 00:07

How does your partner feel about her parenting advice? presumably its how he was brought up..

Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:08

I do tolerate a lot of what she says. I want ds to have a good relatioship with her as I was incredibly close to me grandmother, she helped raise me. I do think grandparents are important and respect their input, but believe in turn they should respect when others have different parenting ideas.

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Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:09

GetOrfMoiLand I may have to!

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nickschick · 16/01/2011 00:10

Well co sleeping and breastfeeding may be something she doesnt believe in Hmm,im not a huge fan of babies on backs (I know I know its safe its just so not for me ) the radio thing I cant understand unless she was joking?.....I dont think the way you say you wont take parenting advice from her is very positive though.

My own MIL had some differing opinions on parenting but I could still learn from her or appreciate her views.

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/01/2011 00:10

People tend to get a bit silly if you do things which 'weren't done in their day'.

I got a load of shit for co-sleeping. 'Rod for your own back/she will NEVER go to sleep in her own bed'

Trust me, she is 15 now, she has been in her own bed for years.

Theer is no point with arguing with these kind of people, they believe their way is right, as do you. Just nod and smile and say 'yes, you might be right, I will give it a go'. And then carry on as you were.

Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:11

Partner takes it all with a pinch of salt. He says he's ok and that things were done differently when he was a child. He understands that our parenting styles differ greatly, but he is happy with how we're raising our son. He's so damn laid back about everything it all just slides off him. I on the other hand get pissed off! Maybe I should take a leaf out of his book!

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atswimtwolengths · 16/01/2011 00:16

I think you're very, very wrong not vaccinating and I know if my daughter made that decision I would try to persuade her otherwise.

Given the fact so many marriages become sexless and end up in trouble, I'd argue against co-sleeping, too. I did it, but it was a contributory factor to my marriage ending. Children are happier when their parents have a love life, in my opinion!

Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:16

nickschick I won't take parenting advice from her as she has not yet dished out any that has made any sense to me, or that doesn't sound bloody awful (see baby competing with radio comment).

I would never be direspectful to her, I always listen to what she has to say. It is only when she won't accept what we're doing that I get pissed off.

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atswimtwolengths · 16/01/2011 00:16

And I don't get what you mean about carrying the baby on your back? Why would you do that?

Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:19

Thank you for your opinion atswimtwolengths, duly noted.

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Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:20

I mean put him in a ergo type carrier on my back. i think the term 'babywearing' is funny, just rather say I'm carrying him.

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Original poster
rougelapin · 16/01/2011 00:23

She thought I was mad when I carried him everywhere in his Wilkinet carrier when he was born. How could I stand to have him on me after carrying him for 9 months?? Never mind the fact being upright helped his refulx!

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