to think my dp's mum should just butt out?

[rougelapin]

Had another delightful invasion from the in-laws today. Dp's mum ended the visit by telling me how wrong I was not to get ds (14 months) vaccinated. We've been through this many a time, just wish she'd respect and accept our decision. Am I right in thinking this is none of her bloody business?

Yes I would say discuss it further and maybe explain the implication it has had on the people affected and surrounding family, I highly doubt she would have much to argue about that if she understood it fully.

I do find it laughable that some ProVac's will happily go along for Vacs without research (I.E Me ) yet they will slate AntiVac's for not knowing what they are doing to society yet AntiVac seem to do a lot more research and are probably making a much more informed decision.

Well that is my opinion anyway.

Windward that's a bit harsh!

Rouge sorry if I have missed it, but does your DH ever back you up against his mother?

If nto then I think he needs to, speak to him and tell him it's really starting to get you down.

If he does then ask him to speak to her privately and tell her he's not happy about it.

FWIW atleast your MIL argues about things that are worth discussing, mine said I was encouraging DS to be a 'wee poof' because we got him a blue dolls pram for his teddy when he was 2 and the fact that his favourite colour is pink so I got him a pink Megasketcher that he had been asking for for ages

Think yourself lucky

"Windward that's a bit harsh!"

It's absolutely not.

People who refuse to vaccinate are not only stupid but incredibly selfish. They not only rely on others having the vaccination to protect them but increase the risk to others who have a genuine reason why they can't be vaccinated.

There is no argument to be had. The "anti vaxxers" crowd are flat out wrong, they're no different from those who would argue against evolution or that the earth is flat. Vaccination as science is as well understood as any other discipline with a history of hundreds of years of development.

No amount of dodgy, unreferenced websites using fabricated or deliberately misrepresented data will change that.

Whoever said that refusing to vaccinate is tantamount to child abuse had it spot on.

Windward
Op wrote this on page 3
I have many many reasons not to vaccinate, including the fact that 2 of my immediate family members are vaccine damaged. Watching what they have had to go through has been awful. It is my opinion that it would be irresponsible for me to vaccinate my son. End of.

This thread was about my mil respecting my views.

So it is harsh.

Windward that's completely unacceptable and downright rude.

Rouge, you have more patience than me. Anyone who I believed had tried to "sneak" meat into my children would never be allowed near them again. Some years ago my Stepsister was named in my will as guardian to my DDs should I die young. That was until I watched her (and my father) allowing our halfbrother meat, in the full knowledge that his mother would have hit the bloody roof had she known. I went home at the end of that weekend and had had my will changed by the Wednesday.

It is not for others to tell you how to care for or feed your child. If I were you I'd get tough now (okay, maybe not as much as I would be myself, I'm a stroppy bitch!) because I fear that this will otherwise run and run.

Windward your logic baffles me...

Did you not read the part about the OP having family members who have been directly affected by immunisations?

How dare you call somone stupid for having a differing opinion and quite frankly one of the most plausible reasons I have ever heard for not getting her child vaccinated.

I refused the Swine Flu jab for my son because I thought the risks outweighed the benefits, is this also child abuse or does the fact that he has had every other vaccine available make up for it?

Stop being so bloody narrow minded.

"I have many many reasons not to vaccinate, including the fact that 2 of my immediate family members are vaccine damaged. "

Has she been advised by a medical professional, as per the guidelines and documentation that accompany vaccination programmes that her child is at significant risk and should not have whatever vaccination is in question?

Or has she looked at these family members and made a stupid decision based on an wrongly perceived risk and as a consequence her child will instead have no vaccinations at all and will take advantage others to protect to her child?

If it is the first scenario then I unreservedly apologise. If its the second then I standby the fact that she is a moron.

For all the control-freakish insult on here, there is a choice in this country with regard to vaccination.

I'm happy with my choice, thanks very much Windward. I'll settle for being a moronic child abuser, just as my parents and Grandparents did before me.

Has she been advised by a medical professional, as per the guidelines and documentation that accompany vaccination programmes that her child is at significant risk and should not have whatever vaccination is in question?

Those same medical professionals that force you to sign a document you've never laid eyes on before, in the surgery with no real time to understand or research the legal implications of what you are agreeing to, but the jist is if this all goes wrong, and it can it's your fault.

It doesnt sound like the DP gets much say in anything, never mind his mother.

Ha, of course dp gets a say! He may be laid back, but he certainly geats his say, especially in something as important as our son's health. Goodness, where did you get that from?
He just choses not to let his mother's views get him angry. As far as he's concerned, we've made our decision and she'll have to live with it. I however tend to get bloody fed up with the whole thing.

mamadiva I think I may have to get him to speak to her privately, think he'll have more luck than me. Raising a 'wee poof'?? Oh dear Lord, poor you! Mil is not too happy about son walking round with my handbag a la Tinky Winky, oh and he likes dolls! I couldn't give a crap.

:o Tinky Winky, yes we have had that too and a few weeks back had to explain why he could'nt wear my high heels to nursery LOL

My thinking is well they are happy and not harming anyone so shut up and keep out of it....then again if hes still doing it at 14 I may need to be speaking to him about it :o

Good Luck and just remember ignore and change subject, hopefully she will get the hint quite quickly when you keep repeating some random sentence.

I really think your frustration here is just because MIL is an unbelievably tactless individual. She has an opinion on everything. This latest is just the straw that's breaking the camel's back.

It might have been different if she had asked 'what if DC gets the disease? Would you need help to cope with it?' etc. And try and express her concern differently..

What's the attachment like between DH and her? Has she ever let go? Why is she taking such an unhealthy degree of interest in his relationship with you? I'm quite shocked. Whatever happened to children growing up, maturing and being entitled to some bloody privacy?! It's OK not to answer her, btw. It's okay to say 'that's a v personal question, don't you think?'

Of course this is her grandchild, but I really think your DH should be intervening more to curb the worst of her excessive and intrusive opinions. She's had her turn, it's yours now.

Fair enough if she has concerns about her grandchild, but there are ways to express these that show support for you all, and other ways that are just likely to get your back up.

If I were you, I'd get your DH to take the worst of the flack. Control the frequency and length of their invasive visits. (Shame, but it may be the only way of maintaining civility with her unless she changes her ways.) And visit them sometimes - that way, you can choose when to leave.

I'm sure you're smart enough to make your parenting decisions jointly with DH, with your son as the no.1 priority, rather than making decisions to spite MIL. Then DH can defend your decisions if he wants to.

missmehalia you talk a lot of sense, thank you. She is far too overbearing with dp and it drives him loopy. He just keeps his distance when it gets too much. He has told her to back off before, but just doesn't listen. I'm amazed at how bloody nosey she is. My family are so respectful. We have both been raised very differently. I will make sure that I don't take after her with regards to my son!

Rouge, I'm sorry that 2 of your relatives were vaccine-damaged. But that is not data, it is anecdote. The data prove that vaccination against various diseases is overwhelmingly more of a benefit than a danger, and most of the research claiming to prove the danger has been faked (Wakefield and MMR being a case in point). I'm with many others on this thread; your refusal to have your children vaccinated is against their interests.

It's the same old cycle, isn't it? We are deaf to a lot of advice from the old days and we'll be equally appalled when our children start having children and refuse to take our advice. :)

I think that some of the 'child specialists' touted these days are nothing of the sort, creating hysterical and pointless 'guidance and policies' with abandon. Do you listen to your MIL's reasons why she thinks your DC should be vaccinated or just block it out? Does your MIL listen to the reasons you have given for non-vaccination and understand, if not agree, with your decision?

Do you more easily accept advice or comments from your own Mum than your MIL? If so, you should think about that as your MIL loves your DC too and she also has their best interests at heart.

Thanks for your input, but wasn't asking for views on vaccination. Wanted some feedback on whether or not my mil was being unreasonable by not listening and accepting our views.

Thanks to all of you who have offered the great advice. I'm off for a walk by the sea with my lovely little family. Bye :)

"I'm amazed at how bloody nosey she is."

It sounds as if she´s used to being told everything.

So stop telling her everything!

Alternatively, when she asks about your contraception, ask about hers!

If it was my dgc I wouldn't be able to 'butt out' either I'm afraid.Imho she is right-I hope that your unvaccinated child never gets whooping cough,measles or meningitis-mind you thanks to all the reponsible parents who do vaccinate that is unlikely

"Wanted some feedback on whether or not my mil was being unreasonable by not listening and accepting our views."

She's not unreasonable to not share your views. To repeatedly bring up a subject when the response is going to be the same though is not unreasonable, but pointless. You will not get her to agree with you.

xfirsttimemummyx- with all respect thats your opinion on someone who doesnt vaccinate their child,lots of people choose not to - they make their decision on information they research,they may feel conversely those that choose to vaccinate put their dc at risk.

This isnt a pro vaccination thread.

I am partially deaf thanks to some irresponsible mother not vaccinating against mumps. I caught mumps at the age of 33 because of that.

I hope that never happens to your child. Personally I'm grateful that it was merely mumps I caught and that I still have some hearing. It could have been far, far worse.

We don't build up an immune response to diseases like that unless we actually catch them. I would never place my children's health at risk for the sake of some anecdotes and disproven faux research.