to think my dp's mum should just butt out?

[rougelapin]

Had another delightful invasion from the in-laws today. Dp's mum ended the visit by telling me how wrong I was not to get ds (14 months) vaccinated. We've been through this many a time, just wish she'd respect and accept our decision. Am I right in thinking this is none of her bloody business?

Um, you have to remember that this is the woman that gave birth to and raised your dh. Presumably she is not a fuckwit and has been there and done that.

I think that -when- if she brings up the vaccination argument again I will just tell her that whilst I respect her views, we have made the decision not to vaccinate, and that will not change. I have of course already done this lots, but obviously will have to be more firm. That ok?

I don't think she's a fuckwit, I just think (well know) that we have very very different parenting styles.

Women have being giving birth for millenia. The human race hasn't died out. Our parents successfully raised us to adulthood. How sad that their thoughts and opinions are worth shit these days.

Yes, advice and fashions change. It must still be possible to reach some kind of ......

How does she know about whether he's been vaccinated or not ? My parents no doubt assume we've had all ours done, they've no reason to believe that they haven't it's not something that pops up in conversation is it ?

She asked how he coped with vaccinations, I said he hadn't had any. She asks about everything and gives an opinion on everything. Even asks what contraception we use and in the next breath tells me I should get the coil! Luckliy I don't see her very often, although they are moving down closer soon, so that will change.

She is not a horrid woman, we just disagree on a lot. Last week she told me that women (with children) who left their husbands for reasons other than him being abusive were being incredibly selfish.

Well wise up quickly then, what she doesn't know about she can't have an opinion about. My MIL regularly gives me a mouthful about where I'm going wrong ruining her sons life it's of course all down to me, none of these decisions are her sons you just have to a) keep your gob shut, change the subject or be extremely vague in your answers or b) tell her to mind her own business or say gosh that's a very personal question (big smile).

That sounds like good advice mamatomany, thank you

You breastfeed your child and yet won't vaccinate? Hopefully any future DIL of yours will not discount all your advice just because she (hopefully) will disagree with your quite frankly bonkers idea of not vaccinating.

You breastfeed your child and yet won't vaccinate? Hopefully any future DIL of yours will not discount all your advice just because she (hopefully) will disagree with your quite frankly bonkers idea of not vaccinating.

YABU, of course the health and welfare of her grandson is her business!

This is the woman who raised your husband from a few cells to the man you obviously considered OK to marry and have children with - her parenting skills can't be completely useless!

Hope for your sake if your son decides to have children in future, your DIL is either a lot more reasonable than you come across as being or shares your views completely!

Personally I'm with your MIL, on the vaccination issue at least.

Vaccinating a child is not a matter of opinion. NOT vaccinating a child is (and should) be considered child abuse in many countries. I really can't get into my head why on Earth some mothers refuse to protect their children. If a child of mine decided not to vaccinate their own children I would go ballistic. I would be very tempted to take them to the nurse myself and get them vaccinated.

TechnoKitten She offered her opinion once, after that it becomes harping. She's made her opinion clear now she needs to shut up and butt out.

If your MIL keeps on about it, show her this article: edition.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/01/05/autism.vaccines/index.html?hpt=T1&iref=BN1

aurynne. Get over yourself ffs.

Child abuse not to vaccinate a child? I've heard it all now. And if you took my children to be vaccinated without my permission i'd have you done for assult you stupid idiot.

You cannot dictate what any daughter of yours does with her kids because it's none of your damn business.

Op YANBU. Everyone has different parenting styles, we are all aware of that. Your mil is more than entitled to ask the questions she is and give you her opinion on things. To keep on and on about it though is wrong and she should stop and respect your wishes.

Refusing a child a vaccine that could save his/her life is not a "parenting style", it is similar to Jehova's Witnessing letting their child die rather than letting them receive a blood transfusion. Still legal in some countries, but a stupid, and very dangerous way of imposing the parents' ridiculous beliefs to a helpless child posing a risk to their lives. Vaccinations have been the highest factor that have reduced infant and child mortality in the World, and there is not a single valid reason to stop a child from having them.

To be honest with you, aPixie, I would rather be reported for abuse and have a child vaccinated than doing nothing.

Aurynne,

I basically agree with you that vaccinating a child should not be a matter of individual preference. Unvaccinated children are taking advantage of the herd immunity of the majority who vaccinate. If too many go down this route, the herd immunity will be lost and dangerous epidemics will reappear. This is already starting in some areas in the UK and the U.S. Taking advantage of the herd immunity without vaccinating should be a privilege reserved for the very young and other vulnerable groups.

They should go down the route of the U.S. Don't vaccinate if you don't want to but to access schooling of any kind (other than home), please come equipped with your vaccination certificate.

And if the child you take to get vaccinated without his/her parents permission has a severe reaction to the vaccine and ends up disabled or worse how do you think you're going to explain that to the parents. How would you live with that yourself?

The op isn't asking for our views on vaccination. She's asking about her MIL and I don't think she's being unreasonable. I do think you are being unreasonable to call non vaccinating child abuse.

And research obviously isn't some people's strong point.

In quite a few states in the US an unvaccinated child can go to school with just a signature on an exemption form.

There is also evidence that certain diseases where decreasing even before the introduction of vaccines.

Thanks, larrygrylls. Only in very advanced countries where people have lost view and perspective of what risk is, can we find a group of ignorant, irresponsible people who will decide that their children won't have the single most effective life-saver that has ever been developed. As you very well have said, not only they risk their own children, but everyone else's children, and the lives and health of other pregnant women around them.

It really blows my mind.

Now go on and insult me. After all, I only have 14 years experience working with microorganisms, cell metabolism, and cancer, while the ones who insult have... erm... what you read on "News of the World"? I sincerely hope you never have to reap the consequences of what you're doing.

I really don't care if you've had 14yrs working with microorganisms, cell metabolism and cancer, to call parents who don't vaccinate ignorant and irresponsible just goes to show how ignorant YOU are to the whole thing.

I believe that a parent who decides not to vaccinate their child would have done FAR more research on this than parents who do vaccinate.

Unfortunately that research does them little good when the data has been fabricated.

My mil, a senior paediatric nurse, never interfered or gave unasked for advice regarding my children, but said she would have taken my children to be vaccinated behind my back if I had refused to do so, having had to deal with very sick children who had contracted measles.
I know she would have done too.

OP - I think you need to head off her concerns a little re the vaccinations - I have a friend who's not immunised her 2 DCs and counters arguements with "of course we are trying to minimise the risks, the DCs don't spend a lot of time in Central London* and we are planning on only holidaying in countries where the herd immunisation is there, and of course when they grow up we'll explain they need these jabs before going off travelling." It always seems to shut people up, make it clear she's thought it though and isn't just a bit woo about the whole thing.

*She lives communting distance to London - but there are concerns the take up in London is too low for herd protection.

Re the coil conversation - how about, "I don't think DP would feel confortable knowing I'm discussing our sex life with his mother." Big smile.