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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have my 8 week old baby sleeping in her own room

217 replies

Olivetti · 15/01/2011 19:55

My little girl (8 weeks) has slept in her own room since she was 3 weeks old. She currently sleeps 7-9 hours and I wake up if she even squeaks loudly, and check on her - she usually just seems to be dreaming. She's putting on weight and thriving. I remember very heated debate about this on MN when I was pregnant, so just wondering whether people think it's ok, given she seems to be happy enough.

OP posts:
faverolles · 15/01/2011 21:02

But olivetti, what I can't understand is, having already been on a very long, very emotive thread about babies being in their own room, you could probably have a safe bet that this one would turn out the same way. Which leads me to believe that you're fixing for a fight tonight, why else have this discussion again and in AIBU?

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/01/2011 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 21:05

Well I'll move it to the "sleep" topic if it would make you feel better! Don't see why it matters, if you feel it's just fight-picking, don't comment on it. But it's not - I may not have much of a life at the moment, but even I'm not that sad!!

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 15/01/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarahtigh · 15/01/2011 21:09

YANBU its your decision, our DD slept in own room from about 3 months she was already sleeping through the night. every night
have read research but i felt it was good for her to bein her room DHsnores was waking her, well he wakes me too sometimes

i think its ok when I was baby it was encouraged to be in different room also though in medical profession take reasearch with large pinch of salt as new research will show sometihng different soon, see recent threads on weaning advice, good article in todays telegraoh we needto stop pretending every baby is the same and the same blanket advice worksfor all, mothers are not "stupid cows that need to be always told what to do"

from what I can gather it is a risk factor for SIDS but other things eg smoking etc are much bigger risks. also for some it depends on DP job personally would not want to fly on a plane when the pilot had been wake all night and was exhausted, in my work would not be fair to my own patients to operate half asleep

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 21:09

p.s. thank you to everyone who has commented constructively, whether using the same or different sleeping set-up.

OP posts:
1gglePiggle · 15/01/2011 21:12

I'm not suggesting cot death is down to parental neglect at all.

It's just when I know there is an increased chance of cot death happening if I ignore advice then I could have done something to reduce those chances so if it did happen then I would feel guilty. I would always be wondering "what if"

InspirationalBreadbin · 15/01/2011 21:14

What made a huge difference to the number of SIDS cases was putting babies to sleep on their backs rather than on their fronts. The risk of SIDS is very low anyway so if you are happy with taking a very small risk then that is your choice.

In my case I had a 98 th percentile baby who out grew his Moses basket at 10 weeks. I couldn't fit a cot into my room, and as co-sleeping also raises risk of SIDS I chose to move him next door with a motion sensor monitor. I don't see what else I could have done. He is fine, by the way.

charliesmommy · 15/01/2011 21:15

I dont think anyone knows for sure what causes cot death, and new research will throw up new advice all the time.. in five years it could be that research suggests a baby is less at risk when in its own room.

You cannot watch a baby 24 hours a day, every moment it is asleep. Even mothers have to sleep at some point.

thisisyesterday · 15/01/2011 21:15

Olivetti, you seem most concerned about hwether your baby would "like" her own room...

i'll repeat the question another poster asked, did the FSIDS recommendation feature at all in your decision, or was it based purely on how much sleep you all get?

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/01/2011 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BurnAfterReading · 15/01/2011 21:18

thisisyesterday...don't forget to mention the sex they could perhaps miss out on

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 21:22

To be fair, I am concerned about whether she likes sleeping in her own room. A lot of the debate is around whether babies need to be close to their mothers at night because it might be upsetting to be apart once they are out of the womb. (I'll answer the question re SIDS and my decision in a sec). I am simply saying my daughter seems content, but I am a first time mum so I don't know for sure, and was wondering whether other mums have a view on whether a baby can sleep happily in their own room and not feel lonely. She definitely seems very content and smiley etc.
On SIDS, yes, I read it, someone on MN quoted the stat, and I discussed it with my sister-in-law who is a paediatrician, then my husband and I took our decision.

OP posts:
MoonUnitAlpha · 15/01/2011 21:25

My personal opinion is I find it a little strange/unnatural to want to be away from your tiny baby. I don't feel it is biologically normal for a newborn to be apart from it's mother. I understand other people feel comfortable with other things though.

InspirationalBreadbin · 15/01/2011 21:25

Re: contentness, my baby is happier in his cot and sleeps with his arms stretched out, which he couldn't do in the basket in my room.

MistyMooBags · 15/01/2011 21:27

DD slept in her own room from 4 weeks... Obviously we had a baby monitor, and checked on her regularly. From that day she slept through pretty much 12 hours straight and FINALLY DP and I got some sleep. (Have no idea how people cope with long-term sleep deprivation!)

When she was sleeping next to me in a Moses basket, if felt as though I woke up every time she so much as moved - and that was when I managed to get to sleep!

mamatomany · 15/01/2011 21:29

my sister-in-law who is a paediatrician

Do you know having a parent who is a doctor is considered to be a risk to children, simply because they deal daily with children who are very ill, they forget that children can be poorly without having cancer etc.
Several of the medics at my children's school have had strips torn off them by the school nurse for sending them in when most parents wouldn't have, but their judgement was clouded.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 15/01/2011 21:29

Well...you say you're concerned aboutwether she's happy alone and then tell us how smiley and content she is. So that answers that. My concern is that smiley doe not equal safe necassarily.

With all due respect to your SIL the paediatrician, I still think that multiple research projects speak for what's the best choice.

Giddyup · 15/01/2011 21:29

I was under the impression that FSIDs advice now goes so far as to say that a baby should be in the room with you all the times until 6 months, i.e. for naps and all evening. I am genuinely interested to see how many posters stick to that? Not me for sure.

But I do fail to see the reasoning behind starting this thread. The OP knows the feelings of most other posters already so it seems a bit inflamatory/pointless

WimpleOfTheBallet · 15/01/2011 21:31

Does seem a bit inflamatory doesn't it Giddyup?

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 21:33

I don't know the views of most posters - I know views of some people from a thread a while ago, but presumably there are thousands of people out there!
Actually, point taken, the fact that my sister-in-law is a paediatrician is pretty irrelevant, especially given all she said is do what works for you!

OP posts:
TandB · 15/01/2011 21:35

I don't really get this thread either. I think I remember the other thread - didn't it turn really nasty? I had only just joined MN and I seem to remember being jumped on for daring to suggest that my DS was towards the top end of noisiness for babies! Much competitive noisy-baby-ing ensued....

People's opinions won't change just because it is a few months down the line so why start another thead? And why start it 5 weeks after making the decision? I don't really see what you want out of the thread. To be told you are doing the right thing? Or for an argument?

My personal opinion is that it is a little unfair to take a tiny baby who has known nothing but you, your voice, your heartbeat, and put him in a room on his own where he can't hear you or smell you. My DS was in with us for 6 months - we learned to sleep thorugh the old-man snoring and the snuffling. I did the research and didn't really consider any other option. My OH occasionally spent a night in the spare room if he really needed a good night's sleep but it wasn't that bad once we got used to it.

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 21:36

As I said, if you think it's inflamatory, there's no need to read it. Charliesmommy - totally agree. I often wonder what people do when their babies sleep in the day - are you meant to watch them literally every second?

OP posts:
BurnAfterReading · 15/01/2011 21:40

I have a moses basket in the livingroom for daytime naps and a moses basket in our bedroom for nighttime sleeping. She is getting a little big for her moses basket and I'm awaiting delivery of a cot, once that arrives then all naps/sleeping will be done upstairs in our bedroom.

However, what age is too old to be sleeping in mum and dads bedroom...I won't be moving her until at least 6 months but what is the age limit..?? Genuinely want to know what others think - should i start a new thread?

Giddyup · 15/01/2011 21:42

I also don't understand why posters who put their baby in their own room get flamed but co sleeping is held up on MN as the holy grail of parenting choices. I have scanned the FSIDs link and it seems they discourage both equally! I guess it is just another MN demograhic peculiarity.

( N.B. I have no strong feelings about bed sharing or room sharing, it is just something I have often noticed)

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