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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have my 8 week old baby sleeping in her own room

217 replies

Olivetti · 15/01/2011 19:55

My little girl (8 weeks) has slept in her own room since she was 3 weeks old. She currently sleeps 7-9 hours and I wake up if she even squeaks loudly, and check on her - she usually just seems to be dreaming. She's putting on weight and thriving. I remember very heated debate about this on MN when I was pregnant, so just wondering whether people think it's ok, given she seems to be happy enough.

OP posts:
BurnAfterReading · 15/01/2011 20:35

"And I certainly wouldn't want to chuck my husband out into another room - I want her to have siblings you know!"

fair comment, i too, value my sex life, but not above my baby's safety...

people are different, if your baby is settled in their own room then that's your boggle...good luck with the siblings....I hope you have a big house with plenty of bedrooms

wigglesrock · 15/01/2011 20:35

I kept dd1 with us for about 4.5 months - my returning to work was main reason for move, she also slept through from about 9 weeks. I talked it over with HV who did give me one bit of helpful advice : reverse the baby monitor so that the baby hears your breathing, snuffling etc at night.

PigValentine · 15/01/2011 20:35

It's not that they copy your breathing, so it doesn't matter if you are grnting, snoring, etc...it's that you breathing stimulates them to breathe, and babies are prone to randomly stop breathing for anything up to 20 seconds (which is terrifying if you happen to be staring at them at the time) Both DS's were in with us until about 9 months anyway, but I was surprised to find out that the sensor pad monitor, which I used with DS1 for extra reassurance, was bugger all good anyway (I can't remember why now, but there was a bit of stuff about it on the news etc)

I think it is one of those decisions you have to make for yourself, and be careful on advising others. I was uncomfortable to read, on the facebook page of a friend pregnant with her first baby, another friend strongly advising her to put the baby in it's own room from day one, because it stopped them getting "clingy" and also encouraging her to do "parent-led feeding"...I respect other people's decisions, but there are certain things I think you can only make your own mind up on - for example, I put DS2 on him tummy to sleep from quite a young age, and was happy with my decision, but would never encourage, or suggest to, someone else to do the same.

thisisyesterday · 15/01/2011 20:36

don't worry about siblings yet! she's only 8 weeks old lol

cunexttuesonline · 15/01/2011 20:37

We moved DS into his own room earlier than the recommended 6mo (I can't remember exactly when!) so that we could all get a better sleep as we were disturbing each other.

We used a motion sensor pad though, which I actually do think reduces the risk of SIDS (as well as helping me relax a bit - and yes I also check him as well as using the monitor!!). I have heard that one of the causes of SIDS is that babies forget to breathe, and if they stop breathing then the monitors alarm goes off which jolts them back to breathing.

I don't think there has been much research done into this, and anyway most people don't use them.

octopusinabox · 15/01/2011 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Icoulddoitbetter · 15/01/2011 20:41

I feel like a bad mum for saying this but by about 4 months I really didn't enjoy having DS in our room any more as his snuffles kept me awake. But I didn't move him to his own room until he was 6 months as to me it was a no-brainer that I needed to follow the FSIDS advice. So I just got myself some ear plugs.
I think there's a place for following instinct and one for following research advice, and on this subject the research was enough for me. As others have said as long as you know what the latest advice is and why, and have made an informed decision, then it's noone's choice but your own, and you just happen to have made a differnt choice to me.

1gglePiggle · 15/01/2011 20:42

Depends if you can live with the guilt if anything did happen. I know I couldn't have so kept my dd with me for 10 months.

Honeybee79 · 15/01/2011 20:44

mamatomany it's about weighing up the risks and deciding for yourself. I was quite ill after DS was born and was also depressed so getting more than 3 hours sleep enabled me to function and enjoy spending time with and getting to know DS, who slept through the night. I read the research, DH and I talked about it and we made the decision.

EBDteacher · 15/01/2011 20:44

I don't think YABU to put your DD in her own room. DS slept in his cot the night we brought him home from the hospital and SHOCK HORROR ShockShockShock we let him sleep on his tummy.

Every family makes their own decisions, it's not anybody else's business.

I would think YABU if you had posted a thread on MN just to cause a bunfight...

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 20:44

I know, I was only joking re ths siblings thing!
Before she moved, I was so knackered from having her with us that we would often fall asleep together with her on my chest in the morning, tummy down, and I was much more worried about that. She seems so much more settled n her own peaceful room, and she's kept nice and cool, exclusively breastfed on demand, cuddled loads and never smoked over, so it's not like we don't look after her. I suppose I just wondered when others have moved theirs.

OP posts:
snowyweather · 15/01/2011 20:46

I will never forget the time I got up to find that my babies mouth has been sealed with clear snot/mucous/reflux. It was terrifying as I could not open his mouth but could not work out why. Also his face was cold and a bit off colour. Thankfully he was next to me and I managed to peel away the seal around his mouth but it took some time, and then he was fine. Because of that experience and because he would love to turn to sleep on his tummy I kept him in with me. Although I would have anyway because of SIDS.
Often we co-sleep and I feel he is like my little hot water bottle.

I do not like sleeping alone so I imagine my baby doesn't either. Dh goes to the spare room if he can't sleep.

Sirzy · 15/01/2011 20:46

DS wouldn't settle in his moses basket again after being in a cot in hospital for 2 weeks when he was 8 weeks old. Therefore when he was about 11 weeks I had to move him into his cot which meant his own room.

I have used an angelcare monitor since then anyway and never had a problem.

Its up to each family to do what works for them, but I don't think anyone should be made to feel guilty for the decision they make.

faverolles · 15/01/2011 20:47

OP, YABVU starting this thread IMO.
As I recall, you were quite a vocal part of the lengthy bunfight thread a few months ago on this exact same subject. (can't do a search though, as I'm on an iPod)
There were links provided showing that it was safer to keep the baby with its parents until at least 6 months.
When it comes down to it, you are your baby's mother, you make that decision, but why start another fight about it here?
Many people (including myself) will never agree that it's ok to put a small baby on its own, but you were part of that other thread (in pregnancy topic) did it not occur to you to go and have another look at that thread, instead of starting it all up again? Hmm

LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 20:50

1ggle piggle- and how would one deal with the guilt if their child died in the room sleeping with their parents?

Cotdeath happens. There are suspected ways of preventing it but until they find the cause, they're only speculating.

I don't think it is appropriate to assume that cotdeath (SIDS) happens because of parental neglect, and I hope that you are not implying this.

Honeybee79 · 15/01/2011 20:50

1gglepiggle - no, of course the guilt would be terrible. I don't even want to think about it. But I would no doubt blame myself anyway,including if DS had been sleeping in with me.

Awful thought. Need to think about something nice now . . .

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 20:51

I'm not starting a fight, at least I'm not fighting! I referred to that post myself. As I said, we debated it when I was pregnant, and obviously I didn't know whether she would like her own room or not. All I am saying is she seems to like it, whereas a lot of people feel that it is cruel because they are used to being in the womb. Given she can't speak, I am genuinely wondering how other babies have reacted to it.

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 15/01/2011 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoonUnitAlpha · 15/01/2011 20:54

Did the SIDS risk come into your decision making at all Olivetti, or was it more based on how well you/she sleeps?

midori1999 · 15/01/2011 20:54

It's up to you of course, but I can't imagine the guilt if I ignored the risk factors and then my baby died of SIDS. I imagine the guilt must be huge even if you do everything recomended.

All of my 3 DS's slept in our room until at least six months old and all slept through from an early age (6 weeks, 3 months and birth). I was only kept awake the first couple of nights with the worry and excitement of having a newborn home, but slept soundly after that, only waking if baby needed me. Had my DH had trouble sleeping, he would have been the one in another room, as baby's life is most important.

Original poster
Olivetti · 15/01/2011 20:56

Ladyofthe manor - couldn't agree more, and am so sorry about your brother.

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 15/01/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canyou · 15/01/2011 20:58

Wigglesrock has already said it reverse the baby monitor which is what DD's paed told us to do with volume lowered] we also had one of these
DD had her own room due to the fact that we woke her and we all were very sleep deprived, she was about 4.5 months]
Your her Mum Olivetti you will know what is right for all of you

MsBinbag · 15/01/2011 20:58

Olivetti it does not matter whether she likes it or not but whether she is as safe as she possibly could be given what we know about SIDS.

mamatomany · 15/01/2011 20:59

I can only speak for my own babies but they reacted by being throughly pissed off when we moved them, but they could speak as they were 18 months.
I was told to do CC, put in own bed etc and even at the age of 12 months it went against our natural instincts to do it but people told us to and we thought they knew better than us. After 2 miserable weeks we went back to how we wanted to sleep with our children and then if anyone asked we told them CC worked a treat. I doubt we are the only ones who don't want to admit their baby won't conform.
With number two we did as we liked, no stress and she was conceived with number one staying at granny's which is often the case.