Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:
hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 20:54

Does anyone here wear shoes upstairs in gtheir own houses?

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cabbageroses · 15/01/2011 20:57

Meryl you will be amazed at how many people do not know what a doormat is for- they just walk right over it...

also, a doormat does not remove all the dirt.

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Milliways · 15/01/2011 21:01

We recently tiled our hallway so I am not so bothered about the shoes as the lounge carpet is very old.

We had a car fire on the driveway one night, and apart from the terrbole stress of the whole thing (DH was away) I was horrified at the huge police boots traipsing in & out. The fireman had made a terrible mess i the hall as had trodden in oil & soot, but they stayed near the door, the coppers had actual oily footprints right through the house - that was when we replaced the hall carpet (and had lounge profesionally cleaned)!

Milliways · 15/01/2011 21:02

Excuse spelling - sicky keyboard! Blush

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 21:03

4 those with pale carpets that don't give a poo

yes door mats cabb - my dad is always goign on to my dd2 about door mats and then walked in my house and didn't use the door mat the day he walked accross the muddy park to avoid the ice and slipping Grin muddy foot prints accross the hall and lounge. I did smile and ask why he didn't use the mat and apparently I put him of when he came in by doing something out of routine which he says at his age is confusing! He cleaned the mud out with out a problem

HelenBa · 15/01/2011 21:11

"All 40 or so other guests had taken them off"

Too funny!!

I always take mine off in my house and other people's if appropriate (ie if they are shoeless), but at a party? seriously? lol

0karen · 15/01/2011 21:21

If people want to have 3k pale carpets and want the carpets to stay forever clean, I suggest they do not have people round

Also keep reading it is a British thing, but how true this is I am not sure.. In some countries it is far more common for people to to wear slippers in their own house, but I never seen anyone demand visitors take off there shoes, apart for the UK, - which I do not mind but I just feel it is strange - or offer slippers or covers

Then what happens if someone has really bad foot odour?

ifancyashandy · 15/01/2011 21:24

Hmm.... if I'd popped round for a cup of tea and a friend asked, then I wouldn't mind.

If I've come for a dinner party / party, I would have put a lot of thought into my outfit and shoes would have been a part of that. Would feel most miffed if you asked me to take them off in those circumstances.

Can't understand those who don't think shoes are part of an outfit. But then I adore clothes and dressing up / down and putting outfits together.

Mymblesson · 15/01/2011 21:43

Also keep reading it is a British thing, but how true this is I am not sure..

Very. Try going into a house in Germany, Poland or Sweden without removing your shoes in the hallway.

My father-in-law's face was a picture when I walked into their flat on first meeting them and didn't bother removing my shoes first. I very nearly ended up labelled as having nie kultury. Fortunately the wife hissed at me to get 'em off.

HouseOfBamboo · 15/01/2011 21:43

Cabbage - yes the carpets are pale-ish (deffo not dark mud-brown). The good quality one isn't even mottled to disguise the dirt. It's amazingly stain resistant, I've managed to get entire glasses of red wine out of it.

The hallway one is mottled beige and shit quality, it is only stained right by the door where people would be coming in to remove their shoes anyway.

Neither were my choice by the way, I think carpets are filthy things full of skin droppings (off people's socked and bare feet Wink ) and I'd much rather have wood.

Rachel - yes you can shut the toilet lid, but the poo mist still blasts out of the cracks at the sides and over the seat. And you'd better not lean back while on the toilet or your back will be covered in poo mist from previous flushings...

0karen · 15/01/2011 22:09

Mymblesson never been to Germany but been to Poland and Sweden.

My father works for Volvo and spends a lot of time in Sweden, Finland, Iceland, Italy, Austria, France, Poland, Hungry and used to travel with him sometimes during school holidays, never seen visitors to peoples houses remove shoes

Wet to Poland with a friend a couple of years ago (Warsaw) who took me to see their family, on arrival they took their shoes off, I went to do so too but was told no don't.

SE13Mummy · 15/01/2011 22:17

We live in a first-floor flat which was carpetted throughout in pale beige (no underlay and only stapled to the floor, not properly fitted) by the developers who 'developed' the place before we bought it 10 years ago. Given that we weren't in the position to replace the carpets and neither of us are indoor shoe wearers DH and I have always left our shoes on the stairs. It's pretty obvious to visitors that in our home shoes are not worn. Most visitors (including plumbers and meter readers) ask if we'd like them to remove their shoes as they traipse up the shoe-ridden stairs and we usually say yes.

It's only since having DD2 that our shoes indoors situation has changed... she has hypermobile ankles which turn over and collapse if unsupported. Slippers with strong ankle support don't seem to exist and so, as a very recently walking 20-month-old, she is the exception. I'm fully intended to get hold of a pair of indoor shoes for her but we'll be waiting until the physio has seen her now she's walking.

toastandmarmiterocks · 15/01/2011 22:25

I wear slippers at home purely for comfort. My DH and DCs don't wear shoes, again, purely for comfort. I have a no shoes on the bed or furniture rule but the floors are free for all. I absolutely hate it when I have to take my shoes off in other people's houses but then I hate being told what to do, period.

Think me a right snob but I actually think its a bit common to ask people to take their shoes off. And the idea of offering slippers/house shoe/over shoe/sock is just barking. And insulting.

I have a friend who makes me take my shoes off in her house which I find most odd because there is so much food all over her kitchen floor and the house does have a bit of a whiff about it. I am now shuddering at the thought of poo mist (and god knows what else) in her bathroom...!!

nooka · 15/01/2011 22:25

My point about carpets being delicate is that none of my family (older generation) have ever asked people to take their shoes off, or not worn shoes themselves, and their carpets seem fine - my parents only replaced theirs fairly recently after about 20 years of wear, shoes and all. Oh and they were pale green, so not some special dirt hiding type of carpet. I rent my house in the UK (we live in Canada now) and after two years the carpet was totally wrecked, but a) it was a fairly cheap carpet and b) the tenants were very scummy. I just see this a very recent concern, so something must have changed presumably. Either people are getting increasingly over anxious about hygiene (there is a quite a lot of evidence about this - it's not a good thing) or the quality of flooring has seriously declined, or perhaps dirt has got a lot dirtier?

Lamorna · 15/01/2011 22:31

I really don't think that most people have an issue with it, sometimes people come to my house and ask if they should take them off and I say 'no please keep them on'. If they say 'my shoes are muddy I must take them off' that would be different. Someone taking their sandals off on a hot, dry summer's day and treading around in bare feet is mad! Coming to a dinner party in shoes that have walked from the house to the car to the house is mad! Coming to the house after a 3 mile walk in the woods and taking them off is the polite, sensible thing to do. I think that you can leave adults to decide for themselves.

kitbit · 15/01/2011 22:59

Muddy shoes and pointy stilettos, yes OFF. why is it ok tostomp dirt in or make holes in someone's wooden floor?

Real bugbear is the friend who insists on all shoess off in her house but who thundered through into our kitchen this afternoon in her new stiletto boots and had made two divots in the new lino before I noticed. Now THAT'S bloody rude Angry

GwendolineMaryLacey · 15/01/2011 22:59

In a million years I would never dream of stomping my shoes round someone else's house. I automatically take my shoes off at the door. Do you refusers not respect other people's houses and property?

hormonalmum · 15/01/2011 23:02

My auntie asks us to remove our shoes when we go there, when she comes to us she "reminds" me that we all need to eat dirt in our lifetime; when I say we do not have shoes in the house. I have a crawling baby - ffs.
Now I just force her to sit in our dining room and have had to physically block her entrance to our carpetted rooms. Yes, rude, but you know, it's my house and my rules.
My children always remove their shoes when entering someones house anyway - we went to a party at new year and my children were the only ones without shoes.

ItsGrimUpNorth · 15/01/2011 23:03

Well, you know I think it depends. Ultimately I prefer shoes off - more hygenic - but I know not everyone is comfortable with that.

If it's a cold, wet rainy or snowy or muddy kind of day, then definitely shoes off. Now that's only polite.

Dinner party scenario - can you ask for heels off? I don't think you can. You choose a frock, you can't take off the shoes you've chosen to wear with it. Bit deflating that.

So, you get these and everybody's happy. Grin

counttothree · 15/01/2011 23:05

This taking your shoes off thing is quite new to me and I only came across it once I'd had children. When I visit someone's house I do offer to take me shoes off if they are not wearing theirs but I'd prefer to keep them on because I feel half naked without them.

We would never ask adults to take their shoes off when visiting our house although I would ask children who were going into our sitting room as they often climb on the furniture. As far as the playroom, kitchen and hall go I'm not worried as I can clean the floors.

While we're on the subject, I'm always pretty amazed when people who keep dogs or cats in their houses expect me to take my shoes off when I visit. As far as I'm concerned keeping animals in the house is not exactly clean. Different priorities I guess.

Then there's visiting the toilet in their house in my barefeet. Children and men will certainly have splashed the floor with urine and the floor won't have been mopped after every visit - yuck. I certainly don't want to step in it. I don't want to wear someone else's slippers either as I don't normally put on clothes after they've been worn by other people.

You've got me going on this one. Now start threads on child free weddings, requests for cash and gift lists!

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 23:11

Its grimupnorth - I already suggest those, they went down like a shower cap on shoes Grin

HouseOfBamboo · 15/01/2011 23:41

Sofa-rambling toddlers and kids should be made to remove shoes, agreed. Stiletto wearers can reasonably be barred from areas which they might leave holes in.

But to expect people to wander round your house in their bare feet isn't really all that hospitable. So they get to collect general family and pet hairs, dandruff, detritus and poo mist between their toes before slipping their shoes back on and going home again? Hmm, lucky guests.

Disclaimer - I don't usually think terribly deeply about this stuff, and am not that bothered about taking my shoes off in people's houses (usually). But people who faint in Hyacinth Bucket-style horror at the dirtiness of people wearing shoes in the house need to have a word with themselves, really. The world is full of dirt, including your house.

mumbee2 · 15/01/2011 23:41

We have had no shoes in the house policy for many years both with carpets and floors mainly to have no shoes upstairs as absolute - now in the habbit that when i go visiting i take a pair of slippers with me wherever as somany friends prefere no shoes in the house even the children follow my example and also carry slippers when visiting family friends!