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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:

Lamorna · 16/01/2011 14:46

Why would people buy smart, dressy shoes, to go with an outfit, if they only need outdoor shoes and slippers?

LoveInAColdClimate · 16/01/2011 14:58

Haven't read the whole thread, but drives me insane when people don't take their shoes off, especially in winter when it's wet outside. I simply cannot grasp why they would think it remotely acceptable to traipe mud (and germs) across the clean floors. I would never do this in someone else's house - just think it is so inconsiderate. My PILs never take their shoes off, and we have a few friends who are the same. Would never ask them to take them off (although might do if really filthy) but am really when people think it's fine to walk over our pale carpets/rugs with outdoor shoes. We have wooden and slate floors downstairs, so can at least mop, but we still have rugs. The stairs and upstairs are all light carpets, so if someone goes up to go the loo they mark them if they have dirty shoes. Makes me .

sarah293 · 16/01/2011 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lamorna · 16/01/2011 15:08

Maybe so Riven, I am a bit like that, but many women have a real thing about shoes and buy loads of pairs. I can't see the point if they have to take them off as soon as they go through a door!

SlubberdeGurnard · 16/01/2011 15:09

Two words.

Pissy Sock.

If you want me to take my shoes off in your house, fine, then at least show me the courtesy of having clean floor for me to stand on in my be-socked feet.

Ever since the pissy sock event (stood in pool of urine left beside loo in shoe-off offenders house and then had to endure 3 hours of cold moist footness) I JUDGE you shoes off people by the cleanliness of your floors.

[folds arms]

wizardora · 16/01/2011 15:42

Agree it defeats the object if you don't have clean floors! I sweep daily (3 DC's) and mop twice a week which is all it takes in a shoeless house, I really notice the difference if someone's worn shoes indoors, the floors get pretty grubby. After reading this thread have resolved to be stricter with friends about taking their shoes off

cabbageroses · 16/01/2011 15:58

I think this thread has run its course........

no one is saying that dinner guests should remove their ultra clean high heels or velvet ballet pumps if they have arrived by car, or flip flops on a warm summer's day.

I think what we- the remove them brigade- is saying is that common courtesy is to offer to remove outdoor footwear if there is any chance that the shoes/boots are dirty.

I live in the country. The village does not have street lights. It does have dogs and owners who don't clear up. Dog poo on shoes is not unheard of.

Children play on the school fields at lunchtime and have filthy shoes.

Don't want it on my carpets.

complexnumber · 16/01/2011 15:59

"Right now (I've just been outside) there are 6 dog turds in our very short road. 2 are smeared cos someone trod in them."

Riven, did you really go outside and count dog turds, making a separate note of how many had been smeared?!

That's hilarious, it's really made my afternoon.

Thank you.

sarah293 · 16/01/2011 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lamorna · 16/01/2011 16:35

I think that you can count it as common sesnse that anyone takes off dirty shoes cabbageroses!! The whole point is that some people don't want shoes in the house fullstop.
I agree that it has run it's course, no one changes their mind!

cabbageroses · 16/01/2011 16:48

I think that you can count it as common sesnse that anyone takes off dirty shoes cabbageroses!!

Nope.

I had a visitor a while back who thought that my John Lewis wool rug in the hall was a door mat and wiped her feet on it before walking into the cream carpeted room.

She also had to walk over a doormat first.

The whole point is that too many people with dirty shoes do not realise their shoes are dirty or will soil the carpets.

HouseOfBamboo · 16/01/2011 17:58

"no one is saying that dinner guests should remove their ultra clean high heels or velvet ballet pumps if they have arrived by car, or flip flops on a warm summer's day."

I think more than one poster has said they don't want any shoes that have been worn outdoors, full stop.

One person's perception of dirty will always be a bit different from another's. Just as some people's choice of flooring will be more practical for coping with everyday dirt than others. Some people get more stressed by having to clean up dirt than others. So in that sense, as there are quite a few variables, it's a bit of a pointless argument. Interesting though!

PS just experimentally left loo seat lid down - it was horribly splashed after flushing, as was the seat. Don't know whether that's good or bad

Lamorna · 16/01/2011 19:04

OP had 40 people for a party, all in stocking feet, a funny imafe and I bet most were a bit but too polite to say so.
I doubt whether many had walked anywhere messy first.

sarah293 · 16/01/2011 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WoTmania · 16/01/2011 19:15

YANBU - my family, and most of our friends, take their shoes off indoors. We always have. However we lived in the 'countryside' and boots always caked in mud.
Why would I want people's dirty, scummy boots/shoes all over my floors.

Lamorna · 16/01/2011 19:19

I don't think that OP lives in the middle of the country and the guests walked through mud and she didn't mention being muslims. I bet they came by car in clean shoes, bought to suit an outfit! It is a strange image of them all in stocking feet. For a start my going out trousers would be too long, they go with the heels, so at a party I would be tripping over them!

Rindercella · 16/01/2011 20:36

I expect people to go out without wearing shitty boots actually...and this is from a deep-in-the-country dwelling farmer's daughter.

Recently I went to a baby singing class. DD2 had a bit of a crawl about on the floor, I rescued her as she got to a pair of wellies left near the circle of parents & babies, handed DD2 over to a friend, friend notices nasty stinky smell and realises DD2 has sheep shit all over her hands which was then all over friend's face and neck.

Who the fuck goes to a baby activity wearing sheep shit covered boots and leaves them just where the babies are going to crawl? This woman had options - she could have chosen not to wear them. She could have left them outside (there was a proper entrance plus an inner hall). Stupid cow.

Do you know what sheep shit smells like? It STINKS. And it is also incredibly dangerous for pregnant women.

I still think yabu for insisting that 40 guests remove their (un-sheep shit fettered) shoes at a party.

petitdonkey · 16/01/2011 21:05

Does anyone remember the SATC episode where Carrie has to take off her Manolos then they get stolen??? I am not taking my shoes off for a dinner part (but I will ensure that they are clean!)

Original poster

LargeGlassofVino · 16/01/2011 21:14

Rindercella & others, can I just point out AGAIN that I didn't ask my party guests to remove their shoes - they just all did so because they have manners.

And it didn't look odd that everyone was in socks because pretty much everyone was wearing jeans or similar - wasn't a dressy/cocktail/glam party, just friends round enjoying Xmas drinks.

And anyway - how do you know whether someone's shoes are dirty before they've walked the dirt through your house already? Ask them to check their soles first? Now that would be weird...

Nuff said on this thread - wish I'd never asked!

OP posts:

A1980 · 16/01/2011 21:17

I hate having shoes on in the house. I take them off before I take my coat off.

So I would welcome taking them off in anothers home. Nor would it offend me to be asked. It's their home, not mine and their rules apply. It's not hard to accpet.

MerylStrop · 16/01/2011 21:38

(feels a bit repulsed at the sight of 40 pairs of stockinged feet)

Rindercella · 16/01/2011 21:45

Ahem. I have manners thank you very much. I still wouldn't expect my 40 guests to take their shoes off in my home at a party. And nor would I necessarily offer to take my shoes off if I visited a friend's house in similar circumstances.

And it did sound in your OP like you insisted as your OH asked your SIL - as the only shoe wearing guest - and she refused

at starting this thread. To remove shoes or not is one of the biggest MN dividers - right up there with grapes and P&T parking.

bessie26 · 16/01/2011 22:02

hmmm... must admit, although I always take my shoes off when I visit other people's houses & I like them to take their shoes off when they visit me, I wouldn't host a party & ask everyone to take their shoes off - that seems a bit OTT to me

Original poster

LargeGlassofVino · 16/01/2011 22:13

Rindercella - grapes? (am newish to MN)

OP posts:

Rindercella · 16/01/2011 22:20

Oh that age old dilemma - do you allow your child to eat grapes in the supermarket before paying for them?

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