Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:
nooka · 15/01/2011 19:42

When did everyone start buying such delicate floors/carpets? This is something I've really only come across in these MN conversations. I do know some families who always take their shoes off, but it's the exception, not in any way the rule. When I get dressed I put my shoes on. They are not 'outdoors' shoes. They are just shoes. I take them off if I am curling up on the sofa or if I am getting undressed, but that's about it. I don't take them off in shops, or at work, so actually most of the time I wear them indoors. When it comes to wellies or walking boots then of course those come off, but that's because they are wet, muddy or snowy, which is a totally different thing.

I wonder if the change has come because of central heating? When I grew up most of my friends and family didn't have central heating, and if you took your shoes off you risked getting chilblains. I still get very very cold feet if I don't wear shoes (socks are not at all effective).

In my house I wear shoes, and dh and the children don't. We all sit on the floor a fair bit (the children like to roll around on it too) and none of us suffer from terrible illnesses. We do have cats and a dog though. Our house is no cleaner or dirtier than anyone elses.

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

countless · 15/01/2011 19:46

it depends on your house really, we have wood floors on the downstairs and only carpet on the bedroom floors and stairs leading to. someone made good point about being sliperless and cold..my sister has an array of washable slippers with this purpose which i find very considerate.
tonight i'm off to a birthday party at a friend's and i know she is super anal about shoes, naff old carpet anyway but a rented house..
i do think it's quite ridiculous to expect people to socialise in their socks and stockinged feet. i'm not pleased at all

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 19:49

laquitar they are ok up to size 11 foot then after that they will not fit!

cabbageroses · 15/01/2011 20:08

I don't know what you mean by "delicate" carpets. Ours are off-white/cream in lounge, study, dining room and stairs.

I wanted carpets that fitted with my colur scheme- rather than dark carpets that would not show the dirt!

They cost £3K from J Lewis.

I don't want them ruined by one person with muddy feet.

RachelHRD · 15/01/2011 20:14

I don't think it's the case of being 'precious' about carpets it's a hygiene thing for most people. Can those who are anti taking their shoes off honestly say that they can be 100% certain that they or their DC's haven't stepped in anything unpleasant before entering a house?

We are a shoes off family and I prefer guests to remove their shoes but sometimes find it difficult to ask. I have a crawling baby and with a no shoes house can feel comfortable giving her food which has been dropped on the floor which is pretty much every mealtime!

I don't think it's rude to ask people and will always check when I visit someone else's house and TBH feel more comfortable with shoes off knowing I haven't traipsed dirt or unmentionables through their house.

It also keeps your floors clean and reduces wear and tear on flooring. If someone has an issue taking their shoes off they should wear socks or carry slipper socks IMHO.

ulyanka · 15/01/2011 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JoBettany · 15/01/2011 20:18

Are people deliberately wading through mud before visiting friends? Confused

NosyRosie · 15/01/2011 20:19

I think YAB a little U:
I was brought up in a household where shoes were always worn inside. I didn't know anyone else who took their shoes off in the house as a rule. I was about 30 before I realised that people actually had 'no shoes' rules. I now ask people if they would like me to take them off (or I glance down and check their footwear situation)

HouseOfBamboo · 15/01/2011 20:21

A bit of mud won't 'ruin' a carpet (I speak from vast experience, french doors off a muddy garden). A good quality carpet will usually hoover up no problem. A crappier carpet (I have one of those too) will usually hoover up not too badly too. The sort of thing that tends to stain them are wee stains, puke stains, play doh, coloured glitter etc...).

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 20:22

the thought of shoes in a house disgusts me

harpsichordcarrier · 15/01/2011 20:26

YABU
I would take off my shoes if they were particularly dirty or it was raining BUT I really don't like trolling around in my bare feet or even worse TIGHTS bleugh in public.
TBH I don't really want to show the world my bare feet nor are my tights/socks always fit for public viewing.
Nor do I want to be walking all over someone else's floor in case THEY are dirty and I TREAD in something (yes it has happened!). Walking into someone else's bathroom in BARE FEET bleughbleughbleugh.
Also it can make your outfit look a bit weird e.g. esp if wearing boots and, finally, it can be cold esp if you have a wooden or tile or stone floor.
AND it's rude to ask someone to remove an item of clothing. IF they do so of their own free will, so be it.
SO yabu and you should probably try and lighten up because it would make people feel more welcome if you were more worried about their comfort than your rug.
disclaimer - I don't much care about the state of my house or STUFF in general, so I know I am unusual in this respect

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 20:28

Jobett - we go out looking for mud to cycle through as its so good for the soul getting covered in mud Grin I can't speak for anyone else

as for hygiene there is a thing as to much hygiene, it needs to be balanced and babies should be allowed to eat a bit of mud but certainly not any poo as that is dangerous

Yes puke is terrible to get out and I had to get a carpet cleaner in to the job in the end and get dd1 to promise not to puke when drunk again on the stairs

HouseOfBamboo · 15/01/2011 20:32

Yes, toilet floors are actually covered in poo mist (really).

harpsichordcarrier · 15/01/2011 20:35

In the summer I am usually in flip flops, in the spring and autumn in Converse-a-likes, in the winter in boots.
at no time of the year is it a good thing to take these off.

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 20:40

hob - so if you go to the bathroom with no feet covers- you get poo mist all over your feet?

I hate it when people go to the loo when taking a dip at the pool - then come back to the pool and get in without washing their feet - thinking about that is far worse than wearing shoes in the house and taking them off to go to bed

cabbageroses · 15/01/2011 20:43

House- I assume you have never had pale carpets? dry mud hoovers off but wet mud stains pale carpets.

the other point is that you can hardly start tackling stains when your guests are still sitting there, can you?

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 20:45

Even small bits of dirt or dust mark my upstairs carpet

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 20:47

I have cream carpet through out my house - mud doesn't stain them - I know as i have rubbed it out with success, it was just the puke I had trouble with, the lipstick and the biro Grin

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 20:47

I wouldn't visit someones house if they were precious about their pale carpets ...

RachelHRD · 15/01/2011 20:47

HouseOfBamboo not if you close the lid before you flush :) A tip I picked up from Kim and Aggie many moons ago!!!

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 20:48

we have clay soil and clay mud which stainsfabric and carpet.Clothes are as good as wrecked with it.

cabbageroses · 15/01/2011 20:50

There seems to be 2 schools of thought on this-

those people who don't care and have muckydark coloured carpets

those people who care and have pale carpets and want to keep them that way

Also- if you go and visit someone, you should anticipate that you might need to remove your shoes- so you ought to make sure your socks are hole-free- or at least be prepared to laugh off the holes ( as some friends of mine do).

Ditto manky feet- get a pedicure so they can be on show!

Really it is commone sense. if you visit someone and have wet or muddy footwear, offer to remove it.

If it summer and your sandals etc are completely clean, then ask, but it's unlikely you will need to take them off.

MerylStrop · 15/01/2011 20:53

There's this marvellous new thing they have these days called a "doormat". Maybe you should get one of those, OP?

It is weird to be more bothered about the cleanliness of one's floor, than the comfort of one's guests.

cantspel · 15/01/2011 20:54

No one ever wears shoes in our house and i have never had to ask anyone to remove their shoes at the door. Even my boys friends altermaticaly take their shoes off and leave them in the porch.

Maybe they just follow our example or maybe i just only know people who remove their shoes indoors but so far it has not been an issue but i wouldn't have any problem asking someone to remove them if they didn't.

I never wear shoes in other poeples houses either. i went to a house party at new year and we took our sliipers with us..........god i sound a right old fogie