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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:
togarama · 15/01/2011 12:14

A bit of both.

Taking shoes off indoors isn't the norm in the UK but is in many other countries. I can understand the principle.

Normally I just look at the feet of the house owner and take off / keep shoes accordingly.

At our place I don't care as long as no one treads in mud or dog poo.

MrsBonkers · 15/01/2011 12:15

Oh, and I put my boots on when I get dressed in the morning and keep them on all day.

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 12:15

Can you imagine a party with everyone wearing these

Lizzywishes · 15/01/2011 12:16

We always take our shoes off, but I've noticed my parents generation never do. I think it's unreasonable to expect party guests to take shoes off, as they're part of the outfit and people may not feel as confident or comfortable without them. If you're going to have a party then you have to expect a big clean up the next day

echt · 15/01/2011 12:17

Seems like quite a lot of people who don't like the shoe wearers and inwardly seethe but say nowt.

If you don't like it, say something. If not, then you are BU to piss and moan.

MrsBonkers · 15/01/2011 12:17

usualsupect - Yes, I can, but then I've been reading the swingers thread!

Original poster
LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 12:17

Don't you feel guilty knowing that someone will have to mop their floor after you've been walking round their house in your dirty shoes?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 12:18

Well yes, for that sort of party Grin

susiedaisy · 15/01/2011 12:18

i have two people in my life that walk their crappy shoes right through my house and both of them are too lazy to bend down and take them off, one of them is very overweight and once she has her jeans on just physically cant get down to put them back on if she kicks them off, but rather than admit that they try to imply i am anal about things,

valiumredhead · 15/01/2011 12:21

We have tiles and wood flooring all downstairs, so I tell people to keep their shoes on as it's chilly ( we have a HUGE door mat by both front and back doors.)

nickschick · 15/01/2011 12:23

I have 2 friends that spring to mind on reading this thread.
Person A has a beautiful home all newly carpeted and lovely- the minute she opens the door she says ......'shoes' not hello not how are you - but shoes,I very rarely visit her house not because I object to taking my shoes off its just the way its demanded.

person b has an equally lovely home - she goes by the theory her home is your home,if you take shoes off you take them off if you dont wipe your feet,she hoovers frequently and her carpets dont look any the worse she does however get many more visits than person A.

sarahtigh · 15/01/2011 12:24

yabu unless a very muddy snowy day, you can put slippers on but visitors might get cold feet especially on wood tiles and socks are slippery on these surfaces and certainly the older generation would think it was odd and bad mannered as not everyone wants you to see their socks tights I wear shoes indoors my DH walks in all the time from workshop to kitchen would not wear wellies indoors, but i do wipe my feet on doormat would take shoes/ boots off if I knew they were dirty( like muddy not just i had stepped on pavement)

personally care more for my friends company than whether they dirty the carpets

when house hunting someone asked us to take our normal shoes off so we just turned round and left they lost a buyer ( ok the house was not us) but if selling a property don't ask for shoes to be removed.

if asked I would take my shoes off but would be a bit annoyed inside, that they thought their carpet etc was so so important in some parts of world it is culturally but not in uk, so could be thought odd, stilettos do damage wooden floors i know you have to cover them in national trust houses etc

YANBU about stillettos but YABU about just shoes

pawsnclaws · 15/01/2011 12:24

I would rather people took them off as we have a cream carpet (not my choice - came with the house and too expensive to replace) - but if people don't then I certainly wouldn't say anything because I'd hate to embarrass a guest. I always take my shoes off without being asked at someone else's house.

Riven, I have a Chinese friend who produces your own little pair of soft slippers to wear inside her house - she has wooden floors. So much nicer and comfier than clomping around in outdoor shoes!

0karen · 15/01/2011 12:25

I would never ask anyone to take their shoes off unless they are wearing stilettos, as it would damage my floor

I have wooden floors and they are easily whipped

Besides my DDs are forever running in and out of the house with no shoes on

I think people who have light coloured carpets in their living area are a bit well odd (sorry not meant to offend), then they get paranoid about people taking their shoes off when they go into their house

What are they thinking at the point off purchase.

susiedaisy · 15/01/2011 12:28

yeah my dad opens the door saying "shoes" very loudly to my DC b4 he has said anything else and it pisses me off, not the fact that shoes have to come off but the way he says it, my kids are 10 and 12 and we know that shoes come off at the door way but he just has to say it every damn time, puts my back up b4 i have even got through door,

gorionine · 15/01/2011 12:31

Yanbu, I used to have a nice welcome in message in my entrance hall saying " Take your shoes off and make yourself at home"

No one has ever protested to take their shoes off when asked and if they find me odd they will just have to make their own coffee and biscuits in their house where they can keep their shoes onGrin

"I think people who have light coloured carpets in their living area are a bit well odd (sorry not meant to offend), then they get paranoid about people taking their shoes off when they go into their house

What are they thinking at the point off purchase."

Yes but sometimes, like in my case,we can blame the landlord for having light beige carpet throughout!

Bogeyface · 15/01/2011 12:34

This is a real bugbear of mine. I just think it is really rude to ask people to do it!

I never wear shoes in the house but it would never occur to me to go barefoot in someone elses! And I would never dream of asking someone else to go barefoot in mine!

That said, if (when, it happens regularly) there is a broken plate or glass the kids now know to stand absolutely still until I bring their shoes to them! We have wooden floors throughout downstairs so bits of glass etc shoot everywhere. They hear the crash and all freeze, its like musical statues Greek style :o

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 15/01/2011 12:34

i do ask guests to take off their shoes over winter as i have babies crawling on the carpets and would like the carpets to stay clean for them. Most people look at the floor, see a carpet and take off thier shoes anyway.

During summer when shoes are generally clean, it doesn't bother me so much.

I always take my shoes off in other peoples houses (unless they tell me not to) and I expect my children to do the same.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 15/01/2011 12:36

YANBU !!

I have wooden floors too, my auntie recently visited and sat there in her muddy fecking boots, my eyeball was twitching until she left but I didn't feel I could say anything.

Shoes are most definately OFF in this house, the dcs have always done it without even being asked, partly because i'm a lazy cow who can't be bothered with muck pointlessly being walked through and partly because over time, small stones/ grit etc on caught in the treads will scratch my bloody expensive floor which I saved up for a long time to pay for !

ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 12:40

YANBU - it's your house - your rules :)

One friend annoys me, they have kids, at their house they all take their shoes off at the door and expect guest to (fine, no problem so far) - for the record they have a hard floor entrance and a darkish carpet.

Do they do the same at mine? Do they hell... they all walk in on my much paler and much newer carpet with their shoes on? I find that rude! I have now trained her kids better (they come here a lot without her! Grin) so it's a little better as we are all causing a hold up in the hallway so she takes hers off too :)

I don't have crawling babies so I don't actually mind if people leave their shoes on, unless it's really wet/muddy outside but if definitely doesn't do the carpets any favours.

I will take mine off/leave them on depending on what the 'house etiquette' seems to be - but if it looks like my socks/feet will get dirtier with them off then I leave them on Grin

I have to say though, if it's a hard floor I'm not so quick to take them off - but would if they were muddy/dirty or you had a crawling baby.

goingroundthebend4 · 15/01/2011 12:41

I always take my shoes of at peoples house and at home .

I find by far the worse is proffesionals for ds3 that come in one of these days ill say to his Sw take your blo**y shoes of

canyou · 15/01/2011 12:42

We never ask people to remove in our house as we have wooden and tiled floors and socks have no grip so would be terrified some one would fall and be hurt.
The DC tend to wear slipper when home and I have a collection of slipper socks in the house so their friends can change if they want as it is apparently good to wear different shoes during the day.
I have now resorted to carrying slipper socks for the DC to wear when visiting and I wear these as I hate the idea of walking around in bare feet or socks esp as we never touches wood have had verruca's or athletes food and I would really like to prevent it.
I have taught the DC never to eat off the floor and to wash hands before eating, I also mop the floors on my way to bed each evening and if muddy, everyone seems to have survived so far Grin and as my Nana would say 'A healthy child is a dirty child' and 'One will eat a ton of dirt before you die' Wink

NewImprovedJollster · 15/01/2011 12:43

Yeah I see both sides a bit in this one.

OTOH unless said shoes/boots are going to visibly make damage (very wet/muddy or stillettos on wood) I do think it's a bit OCD to ask everyone to remove shoes at the door. It always sets the tone for me in terms of how relaxed you're going to feel...

BUT it is your house, your rules and if that's what makes you happy then you should assert yourself.

Mind you I've always had wooden floors downstairs, partly as we have cats, and deliberately wouldn't choose a high maintenance or precious floor covering in high traffic/visitor areas.

But we're a fairly relaxed sort of household on stuff... agree with previous poster that people are less happy to visit if they feel conscious of every speck of dust or crumb they've created Grin.

Chandon · 15/01/2011 12:44

love the idea of 40 guests in their socks Grin

I think really muddy boots should be taken off, but I never ask guests to take shoes off, it seems rude and I know one friend of mine who is tiny and HATES being barefoot (ie having to stand on tiptoes to listen into conversations) at parties, and others with bunions they are ashamed to display, and others whose feet smell....and older people for whom it is an effort.

I think yabu.

A house is for living in, imo.

But I know some people are very precious about their stuff. It is the same sort of people who leave the plastic covers on their furniture so it doesn't get dirty. Always makes me Grin

canyou · 15/01/2011 12:44

Meant to say if you knew my DP or my Mum you would never ask them to remove their shoes unless you wanted the room cleared by the smell.

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