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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:
camerondiazepam · 15/01/2011 15:00

When I go into someone's house, I watch what they do re their own shoes and I do the same. When people come to mine, they generally do the same. Not such a big deal, is it?

GabbyLoggon · 15/01/2011 15:02

LargeVino

well, its up to you. Its not a thing I come across a lot But the late Harry Secombe
had white carpets and slippers for all sizes. He clearly had the dosh. But it seems
a bit OTT to me. cheers "Gabby" PS I will wear my green shorty wellies.

MoonGirl1981 · 15/01/2011 15:04

humanheart, I spray the floors with flash or similar and then run a mop over them. Mopheads go in the washing machine once a week.

Clean floor in two sceonds. Easy!

borderslass · 15/01/2011 15:11

I don't ask unless it's children most people do now anyway. Just before christmas I deep cleaned all the carpets so specifically asked DH who never takes them off to do so the very next day he traipsed right through the house in his bloody shoes I went nuts at him so he started taking them off it lasted about 3 weeks I've given up with him.

humanheart · 15/01/2011 15:13

don'[t they get sticky moongirl? you know, neat flash without a rinse afterwards.

humanheart · 15/01/2011 15:14

wow, mopheads in the washing machine - brilliant!

BlackSwan · 15/01/2011 15:18

I ask - and I leave a couple of pairs of shoes by the door so some of they get the hint anyway.

I hate delivery men, who clod around in their boots. Can't ask them.

I also ask people to wash their hands before they go near the baby. When very young, sanitiser too.

YANBU.

knitty · 15/01/2011 15:24

YANBU
Drives me bonkers.
Thankfully I have only about 2 friends who do that, the rest take their shoes off. One of them walked over my baby's playmat once wearing outdoor shoes. Hmm
I know a bit of dirt won't harm her and she'll be rolling around in puddles soon but it just wasn't necessary.

ToysRLuv · 15/01/2011 15:35

In Scandinavia, where I come from, people would not dream wearing shoes inside, unless, maybe, if there's a posh party and people are wearing fancy shoes. But we also have washable wood or linoleum floors.

Here in the UK we have carpets, so absolutely no shoes allowed. Yuk. Think about all the dog poo, spit, mud, etc. that is around pavements and then in your house! No good for a crawling baby or anyone else for that matter. I have a few pairs of spare slippers and woolly socks for people should they want to wear something on their feet. Nobody's ever been anything else but completely understanding.

Bumblequeen · 15/01/2011 15:54

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Withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 15:56

You put a sign on your door ! bloody hell thats hilarious

wizardora · 15/01/2011 16:01

No I haven't put a sign on my door but I really feel like it the amount of people who have to be reminded every single time they come round

phedre · 15/01/2011 16:14

Note to self - do not move to UK where people are bonkers about shoes inside houses.

The only time I have been slightly concerned about shoeware inside a house was when I was living in the NW of Australia which is a bit like living on Mars with the red dust. Are people really this precious?

0karen · 15/01/2011 16:17

For people who "try to do as people do in their own home".

My girls and I are often naked around our house, so I should expect people to take their clothes off, lol.

Have a neighbour who a couple years ago bought very light grey carpets for their bungalow and now ushers me into the tiny kitchen that is right next to the front door. We hardly visit each other now but when she comes round I now keep her in the hallway

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 16:18

Well I don't actually know anyone in rl who is that precious about their carpets and floors ...but judging by this thread, I'm in the minority

MrsNonSmoker · 15/01/2011 16:23

In some countries and cultures you have to take your shoes off, end of. People often don't realise they have dirty shoes or have trodden in something (and probably wouldn't care anyway). The year we bought a new mat with brown and white squares the people who refused to take their shoes off or "forgot" walked black marks all over the rug - I also find these are the same people who are so charmingly forgetful they walk through both flower beds in our front garden before they get to the door - but hey, I'd be judgemental and precious to ask them to take their shoes off eh?! Some people seem to be suggesting we inspect our guests' shoes, if they are muddy ask them to take them off, if not then they are clear to proceed to front room ....?! Grin

We have one friend who refuses to co-operate. When we went to his house when DCs were very young and crawling, they'd come away black, hands, knees smothered in dirt - he now comes to our house and makes out he's been asked to eat the dog when I mention shoes, but clearly it does make a difference. I would never ask elderly visitors to do it, but most people offer, I think its a courtesy.

VictoriousBeckham · 15/01/2011 16:23

It's always shoes off in my house as I have cream rugs and wood floors. If they don't take a hint, I always ask.

I know one couple who will NOT take them off and will sit on the sofa with their manky boots on on my beautiful rug and I cringe.

The last time they visited, I brought in a tray of cakes and coffee, which I nearly dropped when I realised that their daughter had walked around the livingroom and clambered over the sofa with dog faeces all over her shoes. They were terribly apologetic but I haven't invited them back Angry

Mind you, I have been to theirs and the floors are so dirty you have to wipe your feet on the way out.

For dinner parties though, it's always acceptable to keep shoes on as they are part of the outfit. I just accept that there will be extra cleaning to do the next day.

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 16:24

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sarah293 · 15/01/2011 16:25

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PussinJimmyChoos · 15/01/2011 16:30

DH is from Syria and they are rigid with shoes coming off in the house even though they have mostly marble floors. Its offensive if you walk in with your shoes unless the hosts tells you it is ok to leave them on (rare!)

I like people to take their shoes off in my house, even though I have wooden floors and a rug...its gross...people are always hawking up phlegm in the street - do you really want that on your floor?!

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 16:31

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musicmadness · 15/01/2011 16:40

I must admit it wouldn't occur to me to take my shoes off in someone elses house (unless they were muddy etc) but I would if they asked. My feet are really gross though so I prefer to keep the shoes on if I can, especially if I'm not wearing socks. Does anyone really want to see a stubborn verruca and a toenail fungus in the process of being cured rather than clean shoes?

JoBettany · 15/01/2011 16:43

I also don't know anyone in RL who does this either. After the last thread I asked some friends in RL and at work and they were as bemused as I was.

However, as always, MN is a real education! Shoeless parties and signs up in houses. Holy shit!!

Each to their own I suppose! Grin

Lamorna · 15/01/2011 16:48

I don't think that you are in the minority, usual suspect, if people are so houseproud that they can't let you decide for yourself whether your shoes are dirty I'm not sure that I would bother visiting. I would have thought that the first rule of hospitality was to make you guest feel comfortable and not to protect your floor!
I never find it an issue except with one friend and by the time I have walked over her stone floor I have to spend the rest of the visit surreptitiously rubbing my feet to get some feeling back into them.

Lamorna · 15/01/2011 16:51

I suspect that when these threads turn up people who have a shoe problem post and those with a relaxed attitude to floors don't bother and so it looks as everyone is a control freak when in actual fact most leave it to the visitor.