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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:
Mymblesson · 15/01/2011 13:52

We have a selection of slippers of various sizes for guests to wear. Again, this is common practice in Polish households.

SauvignonBlanche · 15/01/2011 13:52

The mental image of your party is hilarious!
You sound like some host. Hmm

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 13:54

I wouldn't want to wear slippers that countless other people had worn thanks

And the thought of having to look at my mothers bunions when she comes to visit,no thanks ,she can keep her shoes on

humanheart · 15/01/2011 13:57

yes I'm embarrassed sometimes by the state of my floors - also this thread frightens me. clean-y mother and the old fear of DIRT that haunted me throughout my childhood threatens.. (oop, therapy post alert)

had foreign students for years in my house and their often undisguised disapproval was enough to make me feel tempted to crawl with shame sometimes. so I had to get brave and bold about it.

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/01/2011 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

humanheart · 15/01/2011 14:00

and that's aside from the arab students who are deeply insulted if you leave anything at all (save furniture legs) on the floor, dirty or not...

flyingcloud · 15/01/2011 14:03

I find this so weird. I don't know anyone who takes their shoes off at home, apart from Asian friends.

We have dogs and live in the country, have dogs and our kitchen floor is stone and freezing cold.

Lamorna · 15/01/2011 14:04

I find the thought of someone having a party or dinner party with everyone in socks a funny image, even worse all dressed to the nines in slippers!
I think people should take off muddy boots or shoes but aprt from that I find it very odd to value your floor more than family or friends.

MoonGirl1981 · 15/01/2011 14:04

I don't mind either way, I have wooden floors and it takes two seconds to mop it.

Have a friend who always asks people to, her floors are freezing (no heating) and people leave early because they're so unfortable/cold.

If someone has a crawling baby then shoes off should be common sense.

I've noticed that workmen always take their boots off. Wonder if it's because the company they work for suggests it or because enough people have asked they do it on impulse.

Ray81 · 15/01/2011 14:11

Op i dont think YABU tbh.

In my house you take your shoes off at the door and i have wooden floors and tiles downstairs, but i also have a crawling baby. All my friends know this and take thier shoes off.

I dont understand how some people think it is acceptable to wear shoes in someone elses house and possibly ruin carpets, wooden floors etc that that person has most likely paid alot of money for.
Who would dream of going into someones house and say do something that could possibly break their telly for example, no one would because it would cost the owne lots of money. The same could be said for carpets/wooden floors.

flyingcloud · 15/01/2011 14:17

I really need to proof read.

Did I mention we have dogs?

I have a crawling baby too, and it just never, ever occured to me that all must go barefoot and wear indoor shoes I do see why, but that's not how I was brought up and none of my friends with babies have instigated this rule.

GlynistheMenace · 15/01/2011 14:19

Funny how you think you live a relaxed normal life then read a thread like this and realise you're quite a freak! Shock

I always take my shoes off when at home, and going into another house. I don't specifically ask visitors to do the same but I think they often take the hint when they see the shoe racks at the front door.

It just a courtesy thing to me.

Or maybe I have another OCD really and need to add it to my list Confused

Smile
SkyBluePearl · 15/01/2011 14:21

I usually ask the house owner what i should do -off or on and let them decide. I hate shoes on my carpet but don't mind so much on my wooden floor - unless i had a crawling baby of course.

humanheart · 15/01/2011 14:30

please tell me how you mop your floors in 2 seconds moongirl

shinyshoes · 15/01/2011 14:32

I have wooden floors and a creamish and brown floor rug in the front room.

All people take their shoes off without asking when they come apart from the MIL Angry she kinda gives me a smirk if I ask her.

It's always been the done thing in my house and people do it now without being asked to because they know that's how I like it

My friend tells me to leave mine on when I go to hers as 'it would probably be cleaner to leave them on '

strawberrycake · 15/01/2011 14:39

Oh I hate this. I used to just put up with it but now I have a crawling baby I've become stricter. I have a crawling baby who licks carpets plus they are cream. IT takes AGES to get mud of them and it's so unnecessary. I wouldn't mind quite so much if I had wooden wipeable floors but the last owners put cream nice quality carpets throughout. I'm not anally tidy but I don't respect the rights of others to leave permanent marks on my floors!

I provide slippers for woman with bare feet/ uncomfortable taking shoes off and dh is happy to lend out house shoes/ slippers. Our flat is warm and cosy with thick carpet so perfectly comfortable shoeless. Nursery don't allow shoes inside either, it's just not clean.

wintersnow · 15/01/2011 14:41

How do you ask people to remove their shoes?? YANBU btw, we don't wear shoes in the house but I never know how to ask peoplke to take theirs off, I always hope they'll take the hint when they see us take ours of...

ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 14:42

Shiney - are your feet really that dirty??

ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 14:42
Wink
Original poster
LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 14:43

Rindercella - err no, I had a party with 40-odd guests in the winter and they all (apart from SIL) automatically took their shoes off in the hall. I never asked them to.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 15/01/2011 14:44

wintersnow - just hang around in the door area until they take the hint - helps if you have a couple of pairs of shoes by the door :)

If you have have a baby it's easier to ask directly 'Would you mind taking your shoes off as x in now crawling around on the floor'

wintersnow · 15/01/2011 14:46

We're got a large rack of shoes by the door, I actually feel like making a little sign saying "no shoes please!" Blush !

strawberrycake · 15/01/2011 14:46

I tell people on entry 'We only wear shoes in the hall and kitchen, would you like a pair of slippers?' so I don't actually ASK. If they ask why I point to the baby and say shoes are find in the hall/ kitchen but not in the front room where he plays as he likes to lick the floor. Only one person has then pushed it and said 'I think it's fine, it won't hurt him a bit of dirt'. I said 'fine, you lick the pavement outside and then I'll take your word on it.' Generally though I seem to have friends with manners, this was a hv.

London streets are foul frankly, countryside 'dI be a bit more relaxed but it churns my stomach to study the pavements round here.

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 14:49

So at the shoeless party ...where on earth did you put 40 pairs of shoes

mummyosaurus · 15/01/2011 14:56

I try to do as people do in their own home. I even carry socks, in summer when I am wearing sandals in case my feet are whiffy when I take the sandals off.

At my house we have terracotta tiles with rugs through out. I often have to forbid people to take their shoes off as floors are cold and hard, plus they may tread on some discarded lego etc. I do, secretly, feel a bit sorry for all you shoes off at the people. The people worrying about babies crawling on the floor, this never occurred to me, I hope you have a very gentle awakening as they grow Wink.

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