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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:
MrsPennySworth · 15/01/2011 12:45

We dont wear our shoes in the house and find that most people do just take their shoes off anyway.

But I'm the same, if someone doesnt take their shoes off I just cant bring myself to say anything as I'd hate them to feel unwelcome in my house.

It does make me seeth inside though. The same as when a friend offers their 2 year old the most chocolately/melty type biscuit in the biscuit tin and then just leaves them to run round touching everything in sight smothered in chocolate. I'm going to stop buying those biscuits.

Rasputia · 15/01/2011 12:54

We don't wear shoes in house as a family, but I tend not to ask other visitors to the house as it feels a bit awkward (although I'd secretly prefer they did). It did annoy me when my MIL used to treck through on my light carpet with mud all over her shoes. She'd act as if she couldn't see it and I'd have to wait until she left before i got the bucket and cloth out as I felt too scared to say anything.

Upsy1981 · 15/01/2011 12:54

We have wooden floors downstairs and carpet upstairs. We sometimes have shoes on in the house and sometimes not, I don't have any particular rule on it. MIL keeps her shoes on downstairs but takes them off if she is going upstairs.

Most of friends come in with their shoes on but they get discarded during the visit so they can curl up on the sofa while we are chatting.

When we visit others I ask what they would prefer or follow their lead. I know what the 'done' thing is in most people's houses that we visit e.g. DM has just had a new living room carpet so shpes are definitely not allowed in there but she's not so bothered about them in the hall as she has dark, hardwearing carpet.

MIL prefers you to take shoes off in the porch as soon as you get there.

I had a hideous verruca for years that nothing would shift and I used to cringe if someone asked me to take my shoes off especially in summer as I wouldn't usually have any socks on, as I'd be wearing sandals, so I started carrying a spare pair of socks in my bag and then I could stick them on if I had to take my shoes off.

Basically I follow the rules of the house we visit, but don't have many rules myself (not even when DD was crawling-we have three cats so god knows what was already being walked in to the house). That would probably change if I had carpets downstairs! My mop is my friend.

Rasputia · 15/01/2011 12:55

should have been (secretly prefer they didn't)

Rindercella · 15/01/2011 12:58

Oh my OP, you had a party with 40 guests and insisted they all took their shoes off?! Shock

charliesmommy · 15/01/2011 13:01

Its actually better to let mud dry and then brush/hoover, than try to clean it out with a cloth. :)

FluteyBoots · 15/01/2011 13:03

Not bothered in hall and kitchen, but ask people to take off in sitting room or going upstairs. I have a crawling baby. Also, even if there are no great lumps of mud on shoes, there is still dirt from outside on them that I don't want rubbing into my carpets.

Quite a few people have stomped dirty footprints up my stairs, and I think it is really annoying and selfish. I am not precious about my belongings, but dirt doesn't always come out with the the Hoover, and we can't afford to replace the carpets.

Rindercella · 15/01/2011 13:05

Upsy you sound really lovely. I think your way of respecting the rules of the house you are visiting is spot on.

Species8472 · 15/01/2011 13:06

I would like to feel able to ask people to take muddy shoes/boots off but am far too unassertive.

I am happy to take shoes off in other people's houses, if asked, but would be a bit pissed off being invited there in the evening for a dinner party or whatever and having to pad around in smart clothes and socks/tights.

Adversecamber · 15/01/2011 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 13:14

I think its rude not to offer to remove your shoes when youenter someone's house

humanheart · 15/01/2011 13:19

if people took their shoes off in my house they'd get dirty socks which they would have to put back in their shoes when they leave which would give them dirty shoes inside. but I don't have a crawling baby and can#t remember what I thought about it then.

ds's enormous friends automatically start taking off their gigantic trainers at the door (which is sweet of them) and I have to practically order them not to. do you have any idea how much space those boat-like trainers take up at the door?

but I do make a big show of wiping my feet on the TWO doormats if I'm first in with people behind me.

I dread it if I have to take my shoes off at other people's houses (though I will, but am frightened of people who don't say anything but quietly fume) because I become short and fat: as it is I'm tall and willowy. all about illusion I find.

purepurple · 15/01/2011 13:21

YABU
How weird you lot are.
Is it a class thing?
Am I not middle class enough?

hoovercraft · 15/01/2011 13:23

No class involved...just sheer common courtesy in my book

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 13:26

My DSs friends always take their great big trainers off because they usually go up to his room ...I never ask them or expect them too though..I'm glad they do, often sounds like a herd of elephants up there without great clumping shoes on Grin

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 15/01/2011 13:30

Class ?? I'm about as low class as they come, and not overly houseproud tbh but I do think it's common courtesy to ask if you want filth from outside to be traipsed through your house or not !

Canella · 15/01/2011 13:32

You've walked around outside in those shoes - why would u then drag dirt thro your (or someone else's) house when u dont need to? Its not exactly torturous to take your shoes off!!

Granted i have a german husband and it is thought beyond rude to have shoes on in the house in germany!! Thankfully i agree so no problems here!!!

So YANBU

purepurple · 15/01/2011 13:33

What filth, though? Where do you lot live? In the middle of a swamp?
I walk on the pavements, and don't trapse through farm yards.

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 13:36

When my kids were little I let them crawl around in the garden or on the grass at the park ,so a little muck in my house from someones shoes was hardly going to hurt them

Mymblesson · 15/01/2011 13:43

People take their shoes off when they come to our house. My wife insists on it, because being Polish that's how things are done there and she was brought up with it. It's never a problem, as if anyone's a bit odd about she just smiles at them and says, "oh, it's Polish custom to take off shoes in the house", so they don't argue after that. Shoes go straight into the cupboard undeer the stairs until guests leave.

I must admit I agree wholeheartedly with the practice.

purepurple · 15/01/2011 13:44

Well said, usualsuspect.
I am wondering about the pets. Do they have to wear slippers too?

JingleHell · 15/01/2011 13:44

I've found it to be a generational thing. My friends all take their shoes off when they visit, and ask their kids to. I do the same at their homes. However, wouldn't dream of asking my parents or PILs to and they wouldn't think of doing it!!

When visiting PILs at xmas, I was v.disturbed to see how filthy the DCs feet got, from running round their place barefoot! Although they are pretty houseproud and the carpets didn't look dirty, there was enough grime on them to make my kids' feet dirty Shock

Rosa · 15/01/2011 13:47

YANBU at all - In Italy it is again accepted that you take shoes off when you go in - or you check with the host. Dd going on playdate takes a pair of non slip socks - its the norm.
I don't want shoes with remains of dog , cat, rat , bird poo / wee walked through my house. Yes my dds do play in gardens , have eaten mud etc but that doesn't mean I want it rubbed in my carpets or floors thank you.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 15/01/2011 13:48

Cumbria, nuff said ! Wink

Caz10 · 15/01/2011 13:48

Is no-one else embarrased about the stAte of their own floors?! We had wooden floors all through our old house, which was also very small so ALL of it was a high traffic area! Even with us taking our shoes off religiously and brushing or hoovering every day it still got pretty dusty and crunchy - would hate people walking on it in bare feet, cringe!

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