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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to take their shoes/boots off?

304 replies

LargeGlassofVino · 15/01/2011 11:43

I always take my shoes off when I go into someone else's house. I don't understand why you wouldn't. Why would you traipse crap all through someone's home? Most people seem to do it, but there is a hardcore of people that do not - am I being unreasonable to expect them to? Is it rude to tell them to take them off?
We have wood floor from front to back - does that make a difference?
My mum never takes her shoes off. She came over the other day when it was pouring with rain, wearing her big winter boots and went to walk straight through. I asked her to take them off as I'd not long ago mopped the floor. She was quite taken aback as I never ask - good old unassertive me that I usually am... When it was time to go, she went into the hall and brought the boots back into the living area, putting them on over the brand new rug (that we'd just been talking about, so she knew it was new). Aggghhh!
My SIL is just as bad. We had a party a few years ago when the wood floor was quite new, and she refused to remove her pointy high heels when my OH asked her to, as she 'hadn't painted her toenails'. All 40 or so other guests had taken them off except her. She came over for a dinner party the other night and it was the same - she stomped round my house in her big high heeled boots, when everyone else was in socks.
I'm no clean-freak by any stretch of the imagination. I am just surprised by this hardcore of people who think it's reasonable to keep their mucky shoes on. It's winter as well - of course they're mucky. And we have a crawling baby in the house - surely that's reason enough to take them off?
If I am being unreasonable, I'd love to know why...

OP posts:
PussinJimmyChoos · 15/01/2011 16:56

Riven - hiya! Bump is huge! All at the front and have SPD so am hobbling around a lot and struggling...10 weeks to go!

Its not being a control freak/ocd with hygiene if you ask guests to remove shoes...it is basic hygiene..the pavements are filthy - dog sh*t, phelgm, chewing gum, wee - dog and human...who would be happy having that trekked in their house??

'tis farking disgusting really and may I say, having experienced other cultures, it seems a very British thing (and I am British myself so not being racist!)

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 17:03

get a door mat so people can wipe their shoes at the door and not bring dirty mud into your house, simple really.

I would not be impressed buy a new pair of shoes and being told to take them off and walk around in my stockings Hmm

gemma4d · 15/01/2011 17:06

I've only been asked once, and wouldn't have had a problem - except her floor was FILTHY, didn't look like it had been cleaned for months. I kept having to scrape bits off my socks as it was uncomfy to walk on, then didn't want to put my shoes back on when leaving as I made them dirty inside!!! But if your floor is clean, its your choice.

PussinJimmyChoos · 15/01/2011 17:07

Wiping your feet on a mat doesn't clean the shoes though..DS stepped in dog poo a few weeks back and it took 30 mins of cleaning with a toothbrush, bleach etc to get it all out of the grooves..if he had wiped his feet then walked in, dog mess would have still gotten on the floor - same for mud

strawberrycake · 15/01/2011 17:14

I think it's a British think too (I'm not British but I still don't think this is racist!). I didn't grow up thinking I had a right to rub grime into other people's houses so I just don't get it. Indoor/ outdoor shoes are the norm to me. Where's the line? Do people sit with their feet up and shoes on the sofa? On the bed? On play-mats? Do you wear coats and carry umbrellas indoors too? Or are shoes the only outdoor wear you wear inside? It doesn't even sound comfortable to wear shoes indoors, they are stiff and surely rub if worn 24/7.

It almost seems to me when I go in english friends' houses that the mess is a point of pride. They act like airing their knickers on the radiators with guests round is like a badge saying that their kids are too important for them to take time away from them to enjoy basic hygeine/ cleanliness. They come round my house and always comment on how tidy it is almost like it's distatseful. I'm not a clean/ neat freak but nor do I spend forever on housework but I have certain expectations that mess is regularly tidied and nothing needs to have long-term marks on it.

PrincessScrumpy · 15/01/2011 17:15

My dad hates feet so they've always insited people keep shoes ON!

We take shoes off but I would never ask someone to do so - it's not great etiquette. Guests usually see my slippers and the shoes by the front door and get the message. Older people find it offensive though.

Life's too short to stress about these things - it's what cleaning products are for.

Got2Dance · 15/01/2011 17:16

I think if you care about it so much, you are perfectly right to ask people to remove their shoes. If you don't ask, then you have no right to get upset when they don't.

My dad feels undressed without his shoes...he'll wipe them but would never dream of taking them off. He has commented in the past that mud is easier to get rid of them the smell of smelly feet Grin

I do sometimes dislike having to take my shoes off in other peoples homes - it can be part of a whole outfit. Some shoes I only wear occasionally for going out - and so may wear from the house to the car and into the persons house. If I know people are "shoes off" people, I'll take my slippers with me. Job done!

In Turkey, they provide slippers/indoor shoes for their guests.....maybe the OP should consider that.

PussinJimmyChoos · 15/01/2011 17:19

Strawberry - I'm so with you on that! I mix with a lot of non English friends and the difference in outlook towards housework between the English and non English is quite marked.

Although obviously, not with all of my English friends - some have really tidy houses and are more organised than I am! Smile

acumenin · 15/01/2011 17:20

Hm. It depends. I don't make guests at dinner parties take their shoes off, but most of my friends visiting-alone do it unbidden.

The agency carers track mud/shit/leaves/snow through our house every single morning. We've no hall-- you just walk straight into the sitting room, but there is a mat and a shoe caddy at the door. It does upset me to go up into my bedroom at 7am and see dogshit on the floor (and twice a squashed, dead cockroach that'd come in on shoes). My sadface cannot be denied.

I end up mopping every morning and I really wish they would take their shoes off, but as they refuse to wash their hands, I think shoes are a lost cause.

Our sparkly and wonderful doctor always takes hers off, and our IB carer keeps her own slippers here! Bless!

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 17:21

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follyfoot · 15/01/2011 17:23

I'd never ask or expect anyone to take their shoes off. Their choice. Dont think I'd even notice, I'd just be pleased to see them.

usualsuspect · 15/01/2011 17:31

Exactly follyfoot

ivykaty44 · 15/01/2011 17:34

I don't often step in dog shit thankfully.

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 17:47

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Mymblesson · 15/01/2011 18:05

Note to self - do not move to UK where people are bonkers about shoes inside houses.

Actually, the UK is ony just catching up with the rest of Europe in this regard. In most mainland European countries, wearing shoes inside a house or flat is simply seen as rude and disgusting.

cabbageroses · 15/01/2011 18:07

YANBU

Many of my friends ask if they should and i say yes.

If strangers come I tend to stare at their feet as they enter.

Sometimes they get the message.

We have pale cream carpets throughout except in the hall.

muttimalzwei · 15/01/2011 18:15

I think it is obsessive really unless the shoes are muddy or the carpets are white I wouldn't want people to take shoes off. I have noticed that my daughter's friends take off their shoes at my door which bugs me and makes me feel like a slob but I just don't think it is necessary. I've got horrendous feet and usually dodgy socks. My shoes are good though and I'd rather keep them on. Really can't see what is so wrong with it.

MoonGirl1981 · 15/01/2011 18:15

No, humanheart, the floors don't get sticky from spray flash.

If they did, I'd rinse them.

Amazed that the way I clean a floor is so interesting. Don't think anyone else has ever asked me about it before.

You bored?

minipie · 15/01/2011 18:24

I think it's rude to ask a guest to take their shoes off. They might have a good reason for wanting to keep them on. (For example, I usually wear heels and my trousers are adjusted to that length, so if I take my shoes off I will trip over my trousers).

I also think it's rude for a guest to keep their shoes on if their shoes are dirty, wet or likely to damage the floor.

If the guest's shoes are reasonably clean and not likely to do any damage, then surely their comfort is more important than the tiny bit of dirt they might bring in with them.

0karen · 15/01/2011 18:25

Riven glad I do not live where you do

sarah293 · 15/01/2011 18:29

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auntyfash · 15/01/2011 18:31

It would never occur to me to take my shoes off if I visited someone, and I've never yet had a guest here take their shoes off, or even ask about the shoe thing when they've come to my house. I don't actually know of anyone who takes off their shoes in the house. Is this a modern thing then?

JoBettany · 15/01/2011 18:37

It must be - I've never, ever experienced it either.

Laquitar · 15/01/2011 18:37

It depends what the outfit is.

If i go to a friend after being in the park for example i will automatically take my shoes off. Fine with jeans.

In a dinner party? Hmm last night i was wearing a long skirt and boots. If i was asked to remove my boots i would look like a potato. Or if i'm wearing long trousers (to make my short legs look longer)removing the high heels would be problematic Blush

minipie · 15/01/2011 18:41

Riven, I could turn the question round and say, surely any decent host would hate to make their guest feel uncomfortable.

I do think if someone's got a crawling or otherwise floor-bound child then it's fair enough to want very very clean floors. If they haven't, though, then there isn't (IMO) any real need for scrupulously clean floors. In which case the guest's comfort should be the main thing.

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