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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited to a child free wedding.

333 replies

sea74 · 14/01/2011 13:46

I have been invited to a wedding, but children are not welcome.
Now, isnt a wedding the start of a family? Aren't they telling me "come to celebrate our special day but we dont give a t*ss about your family"?....because that is the message i am getting.
If you dont have money, do not invite all these people. But if you are inviting us, you should invite the whole family....

Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
cinpin · 15/01/2011 15:03

Yes must admit I like child free weddings. Its good to make the most of the vodka so better without them.

missmehalia · 15/01/2011 15:04

Wow, this is a classic gripe. No time to read it all, but it's personal to me as we got married not that long ago. We said to people that children were welcome, but that actually children often don't find the formal bit of weddings that interesting, they're easily bored. So, we encouraged people to either leave them at home or bring them if they felt their kids would be interested in the ceremony bit. As we have kids ourselves, it would have been hypocritical to say anything else! But the formal bit was very, very important to us, and we really felt it was reasonable to ask for hush while it went on.

I don't think it's that unreasonable, you can't control people's kids running up and down aisles on the day. And I have seen that before, despite polite requests to keep them under control.

Kids aren't really into that bit of weddings, I think.

SudalivefromHMP · 15/01/2011 15:48

Went to one with a chocolate fountain once and it had little scoops at side of it. But I observed several children - unchecked by their parents who thought it was soooo cute - sticking their fingers in it and licking them - then back in again. Some of the very young ones had colds or at least runny noses. Now as a mother I know that in itself cant be helped - one of mine seemed to have a permanent cold/runny nose from birth to 5yrs.

At the end of the night this couple came and switched it off and carefully scooped all the chocolate into a drum and wiped it all down with j cloths, dismantled it and took it away.

No doubt for the next customer to enjoy chocolate sauce with their pudding with essence of childrens saliva and worse (remember the runny noses)from god knows how many previous parties.

YABVU. You remind me of my sister. She has three all older now but when they were young whenever there was any kind of family and other gatherings and the kids werent invited - even a meal once - she would walk in wearing a demented grin and her three chiildren in tow - saying 'Hiya - ooh I knew you wouldnt all mind but I had to bring the kids cos DH isnt home yet /my babysitters not turned up whatever - and she had a huge repertoire of excuses. It wouldnt have been so bad if it didnt happen every single time - she infuriated quite a few people over the years - some events where they didnt even have their own children there. But the reason it was so annoying was that you knew full well that the excuses were always fabricated - because she wanted to bring her kids.

One such meal she was boring introducing her kids to a rather bemused guest who had to move up - jollied along by my beaming with pride sister - to fit her kids in.

The woman said - 'Ahh yes children - Ive got a couple of those at home!'

bupcakesandcunting · 15/01/2011 15:53

I had no children at my wedding because I wanted my guests to hear DH and I say our vows rather than hearing little Henry shouting out for poo-poo time.

RunawayFishWife · 15/01/2011 15:56

YABU not everyone has to revolve their live around your children

happiestblonde · 15/01/2011 16:12

I won't allow children at my wedding. Or mobile phones.

stillfeel18inside · 15/01/2011 16:40

YABU - had no children at our wedding except bridesmaids because it was in November in a beautiful place that would have got wrecked if the 60 (we counted) children we would have to have invited had come! Everyone loved their child-free weekend (with one exception - DH's cousin who was "shocked" that we could not invite her little darlings. I did say to friends with small babies that they could bring them obviously (one was still BFing) but actually they didn't bring them either. Now have two DCs of my own and that hasn't changed my view of weddings one iota - love going to child-free weddings now and think it's completely up to the bride and groom - it's their day, not yours.

kerala · 15/01/2011 16:59

Does anyone else think that those outraged by non invitation of their precious children who therefore dont come (not those prevented by genuine childcare problems) will probably not be much missed by anyone anyway [mean emoticon]

Bogeyface · 15/01/2011 23:10

Ime it is usually the people that kicked up the biggest stink about having no kids at their own weddings that kick up the biggest stink about their own not being invited a few years later.

My cousin made a huge fuss about no kids at her wedding (which I was happy with, a child free night was bliss!) and then was fuming when her little shit darling wasnt invited to my wedding. My mother (God love her) said "Well Bogeyface thought your wedding was so nice with no children that she thought she would do the same". She wasnt happy that my own kids were there though, if it was no kids then that should have included mine :o

RunawayFishWife · 16/01/2011 13:49

Went to a lovely wedding last year, but it was ruined by a little shit boy banging his spoon on the table the whole way through the speeches and his gormless mother letting him

Original poster
sea74 · 17/01/2011 12:14

Yes, that's the point.
Often the mothers are the main problems cos they dont even know ho to teach their kids how to behave.
There is a moment to play and a moment to shut up. And the stupid cows just want to drink and chat. Why dont they let them at home??? Or at least take them out during the speeches and vows.

I would!

OP posts:
clam · 17/01/2011 12:36

sea74 you say your children are 3 and 1. I'm guessing that might be why they're not invited.

mayorquimby · 17/01/2011 12:47

But how could anyone possibly get married without someone elses 3 and 1 year old who they didn't invite being there?
It's an outrage

meantosay · 17/01/2011 13:09

We went to a wedding last year to which children hadn't been invited. We drove 50 miles out of our way to drop dcs off at my parents and then headed to the wedding looking forward to a nice, grown up, child free day. Other friends had also either paid overnight babysitters or made other arrangements. The reception was in a really elegant hotel and we were seated at our table (all silver cutlery and flowers and linen) when a bloody couple who had just brought their children regardless of them not being invited, and were sitting at our table, arrived up with buggies and bibs and mugs of juice and dish of pureed pear for the baby. We then got to enjoy our meal to the accompaniment of spilled drinks and whines to get down and waitresses trying to serve meal having to go and find high chairs and heat bottles and the baby crying and getting puree all over his face because he wasn't allowed hold the spoon and every attempt at conversation being interrupted.

I presume this couple were making a point because they felt their family wasn't being 'respected'.

motheroftwoboys · 17/01/2011 13:24

I also remember dinner guests turning up with small children. Aargh!

Bogeyface · 17/01/2011 18:01

It seems to me that the OP may be taking this as an implied criticism of her parenting!

"We think that you will allow your child to ruin our wedding therefore we are not inviting them"

Perhaps the next "big thing" in weddings will be a questionnaire in the "save the date" about what you would do with your child in certain circumstances and if you pass then your child will be invited. If you score 50-70% then your little darling can come to the evening do but not the church or the meal, and a fail means that you can come but not your screaming brats :o:o:o

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 17/01/2011 18:14

Grin @ questionnaire.

Bogeyface · 18/01/2011 01:01

Lying here unable to sleep because I got all wound up on another thread, and a thought has occured.

Its isnt a child free wedding that the B&G want really is it? It is a crap-parent free wedding.

The only reason some children ruin weddings is because their parents are too selfish or lazy to make sure their kids behave. To avoid that happening the wedding couple dont invite any kids. So dont blame the B&G, blame whoever it is that allows their children to behave so badly that the B&G wont have them anywhere near the wedding!

cantspel · 18/01/2011 01:26

we went one better and didn't invite anyone to our wedding. No far flung relatives you only get to see at weddings and funerals, no children to be bored silly by the whole thing and so stress out their parents and everyone else who has to put up with them as they are overtired and fed up with said distant relatives trying to make them sit with grandma, go give aunty a kiss or make keep their nice wedding outfits or or clean.

My wedding so my choice and when bil moaned that by doing it this was his little darlings couldn't be bridesmaid i just pointed out that when he got married we had no saying in how it was done so what made him think he would have any say in ours.

nappyaddict · 18/01/2011 01:28

Loads of people have child free weddings. It's their wedding, their choice. If you can't bear to be apart from your children or can't arrange the childcare, don't go.

GoingToBeSize12 · 18/01/2011 02:11

I had a child free wedding and it was brilliant.

I now have a child and still think child free weddings are brilliant if that's what the couple want

sunshine76 · 18/01/2011 02:42

We had a (almost) child free wedding, because in our circumstances at the time it made sense, none of our siblings had children so no close family to accommodate (or offend) and only two friends had children (both toddlers) the wedding was small and intimate and a noisy toddler or two would have been very noticeable.

In the end one couple didn't come because she was still breastfeeding her child at 18 months and refused to leave her with anyone else (and was openly offended that I didn't want her little darling at our wedding).

The other couple discussed it with us and said childcare was a major issue so we relented and said they could bring their son to our reception. But they had a really stressful time keeping him quiet/sitting at the table/eating nicely and left early without really enjoying themselves, everyone else had a fantastic time.

As everyone says it is up to the bride and groom and as long as your children aren't the only ones excluded then you cannot reasonably object to their wishes.

Personally I would completely understand why someone would not want my 28 month old at their special day! But then I am very realistic about keeping a toddler amused and well behaved for hours on end!

perfectstorm · 18/01/2011 04:05

Yeah, it's the start of a family. But not your family, FGS.

My DS has two of the most lovely godparents imaginable. They're getting married at the end of the month. They've saved like mad for 2 years for the wedding they've always wanted, and they are saying wedding party and close relations only for kids, because they would have to cater for another 40 people if they had kids there. Why the hell should they have to do that?

DH and I haven't been away from DS since he was born, and he's 2 now, and we're rather looking forward to it. Nice hotel, we can drink, it'll be a treat. And I won't have to sit near the doors and run out if DS started to kick off during the service, either.

I will never understand how some people think the world should be set up for the better worship of their children.

TyraG · 18/01/2011 07:48

Okay I've read about half the thread and sea74 you are absolutely ridiculous!

You clearly are the only person left in the civilised world who cares about family even though you have an au pair. Hmmm....seriously???

Get your head out of your ass and realise (as has been stated by many other people here) THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR KIDS IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED

Contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around you and your offspring.

Abr1de · 18/01/2011 07:58

If all our friends' children had come to our wedding, limited to 100 people, we would have had to lose another sixteen friends off the list.

No thanks.