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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sex education for 5 year olds????

139 replies

etta81 · 13/01/2011 16:28

My daughter is only 2 at the moment so don't really have to worry about this yet but am I mad to be disgusted at the thought of a 5 year old getting sex education at school?? I would even consider taking my daughter out of the lessons!! Why do they need to know about he facts of life at such a young age? I didn't have it and I didn't get pregnant at 13, I think its got more to do with your upbringing and your social circles whether or not you get pregnant at a young age. You can give some kids all the education in the world and they'll still go out and get pregnant because its what their friends are doing.

Maybe the problem is really due to the fact that having kids before marriage is sociably acceptable nowadays and there's no shame in being pregnant at 14, you no longer have to hide away. I don't think that you should be hidden away or that its wrong to have kids if you're not married, its just a thought.

Am I just being naive or does anyone else feel like this.

OP posts:

theevildead2 · 15/01/2011 21:59

I think sex ed is important because children are only exposed to the telly aspect of sex.

A couple generations ago most children would have an idea about reproduction because they lived on farms and in a more natural world.

Spring time lambs are born and shortly before that you got some horny rams lurking about. There's your sex ed. I just think its sad we have to do in schools because parents can't bring themselves to do it.

Surely its better for children to have an idea about science and biology of sex to counteract all the crap and soft porn that makes it on to tv, movies, music videos?

OmniumAndGatherum · 15/01/2011 22:19

Agree re. crap and soft porn on TV (as a huge pop music fan, I find it sad that I can't let the children watch most pop videos). But at the idea of most children living on farms a couple of generations ago. My mum's parents lived on a council estate, and my dad's parents had servants. I don't think either family knew much about horny rams.

theevildead2 · 15/01/2011 22:37

Well you know what I mean ... just saying sex ed isn't a new idea like people always suggest.

mommmmyof2 · 15/01/2011 22:50

Not read through all posts but when people say sex education, we all think about the sex part. And no IMO YANBU if it is about telling a 5 year old child what a man and woman does to make a baby.What happened to innocense, they do not need to no that at their age as it is not going to benefit them.

If the schools are teaching them things like male and females as in biology then I guesse that is ok, as my 6 year old dd asks why she is different to her brother.

I would have no problem in gigving her the answers when she is old enough but for now I will let her be a child and not have to think about it.But thats just my opinion.

WiiUnfit · 16/01/2011 11:11

mommmmy, your post is rather interesting. It has been proven that countries where sex ed is started at a younger age have a lower teenage pregnancy rate, much much lower! So I guess you could say that by knowing some, it does benefit them.

Also, as a lot of us have said, sex ed for 5 year olds is not about how parents have sex or anything remotely like this but more about what a boy is, what a girl is and when a mummy and daddy love each other very much .etc, I do believe the term they use at the moment is "they have a special cuddle" and a baby is sometimes made .etc.

It isn't about taking away children's innocence, it's about informing them from an early age about the differences between boys and girls and trying to arm them with the knowledge they need to make an informed decision and, hopefully, avoid pregnancy.

OmniumAndGatherum · 16/01/2011 13:23

WiiUnfit, I'd like to know why you think that avoiding pregnancy is more important than encouraging children not to have sex at all?

"Special cuddle": I am PMSL at the idea. I can just imagine DD wanting to know whether Daddy and I are having one of those "special cuddles" every time we have a hug.

mommmmyof2 · 16/01/2011 18:37

WiiUnfit, as I said I would have no problem really in schools educating them on the biology part of it all.
It is if it got into how 'sex' makes babies makes me think well why the need to no.And if we are telling children mommy and daddy have special cuddles we are still lying to them so why go into it at all
It is good for them to no some things but IMO not too much.

WiiUnfit · 16/01/2011 21:47

Hi Omnium, because I am a firm believer in that if you tell people not to do something, chances are they'll do it anyway. Teenagers are always going to have sex so I feel the right approach is teaching them how to stay safe & make informed decisions on if they're ready, when they're ready, who with .etc. The "special cuddle" thing made me giggle too.

mommmmy, I do believe the emphasis is on the biology yes. I don't think the word "sex" is used tbh. I also don't think that by saying a "special cuddle" that we're lying to them, you say you don't what them to know about how sex makes babies but you don't want other less explicit terms used?

IMO, the sex ed they receive currently is not too much, it's a simplified & innocent introduction to the 'birds & bees' if you like.

mommmmyof2 · 16/01/2011 22:17

wiiunfit your right, I don't want the word 'sex' used as I don't feel it is necessary at 5 or 6, but using terms where we say special cuddles I think that it is opening a can of worms.
My dd would never except me saying that to her, so I think it would be best not to bring it up at all.
But yes I would like her to here about 'the birds and the bee's' from me or her dad rather than playground talk.
As we all know it does happen, I just think they will have the rest of their lives to worry about it.Why rush them.

porcamiseria · 16/01/2011 22:23

better they learn at school than from their little mates

I remember hearing sexual chat fairly young at primary school

sigh, they grow up so fast

mommmmyof2 · 16/01/2011 22:29

I totally agree with you porcamiseria, If dd or ds came to me and had heard things I would try to be honest with them (within reason)
My point exactly though about them growing up too fast :(

OmniumAndGatherum · 17/01/2011 09:23

Thanks WiiUnfit. I agree that teenagers who are going to have sex anyway need to be very well informed. And I don't think 'don't have sex' would work with teenagers who are going to do it anyway.

However, I think it's a shame to start preparing all children for it at the age of five!

InPraiseOfBacchus · 17/01/2011 10:21

Learning how our bodies work won't take away "innocence" or force them to "become adults" any more than learning about nutrition makes kids more likely to be morbidly obese. Get some perspective, asses things empirically, and use your brains for once!

InPraiseOfBacchus · 17/01/2011 10:24

"However, I think it's a shame to start preparing all children for it at the age of five!"

What an odd thing to say! It's not as if they're going to be coaching children in how to do it, teaching toddlers the best position for orgasm! This is the natural, healthy, honest facts about how bodies work, where they came from, and, importantly, how everyone around them works just the same, and there's no shame in it at all.

Are we still living in a culture of taboos and shame? It's insulting to humankind, and it's especially insulting to women who've been fed the lies that their bodies are private and disgusting as a means of control.

coccyx · 17/01/2011 10:32

Its not going to be blowjobs and lubrication is it?????? its all about relationships and feelings

KnittedBreast · 17/01/2011 10:39

yabu. but i forgive you because your child is only 2. at 4ish they really notive their bodies and the differences between mummy and daddy and themselves. my son asks all sorts of questions, how do babies get in mummies tummys? why is daddies willy bigger than mine? it feels nice playing with my willy, and "why is playing with my willy something i should do on my own"?

sex education at that age is important, no one is suggesting stick on a porn film but they have to know an age appropriate amount,otherwise common sense and body experience will make them feel its somthing to be ashamed of that mummy wont talk to me about, that leads to guilt and feeling sex is something dirty.

mommmmyof2 · 17/01/2011 10:53

As I have said depends on what we are talking about here, of course some aspects are ok to talk about.Feelings and emotions and even how men and woman are different ect..

I weren't saying children are going to go to school at 5 and be handed a condom but I also do not want my child being told at 5 sex makes babies!

Can of worms and opens up too many questions, I am not going to burry my head in the sand either and I realise they need to no.But InPraiseOfBacchus I use my brain thank you very much but people are entitle to their own opinions!

Children will have years to learn about sex IMO and do not need to feel rushed.Not telling you what to think so you should not tell other!

KnittedBreast · 17/01/2011 10:54

so what will you say when your 5 year asks you where babies come from? and i promiseyou they will ask indeed

mommmmyof2 · 17/01/2011 10:59

My child is 6 and hasn't asked, when she does I will want to tell her about mommy and daddy loving each other.She knows she grew inside my whom I am not stupid and she also seen me all through my pregnany with ds.

Don't need to go into detail but I won't dismiss it either.There will be a time when she will need to learn more but not yet.

poissonrouge · 17/01/2011 11:09

Surely children just learn about how it all happens as the questions arise?

My averagely curious 4yo wants to know how the baby gets into the mummy's tummy? (It grows there).

IS it swimming around in the food? (No, food is in your stomach, the baby grows in your womb.)

Does everyone have a womb? (No, only girls).

Does she have a womb? (Yes)

Can she grow a baby? (No, little girls don't grow babies, only mummies do)

etc etc etc... age appropriate and honest answers to her natural questions.

mommmmyof2 · 17/01/2011 11:13

This is what I am trying to get across, when a child wants to know certain things they will ask, and 9 times out of ten they will be child like questions.
And we answer them the best way we can.So why does it need to be bought to a child of 5's attention at school.Most children are not shy in asking questions.

cornflakegirl · 17/01/2011 12:06

But not all parents do answer the questions in the best way. Some get really embarrassed talking about sex. Plus, we send our children to school to learn things, the teachers teach the subjects in an age-appropriate way. If they can do it for English and history and science, why don't we trust them to talk about bodies, relationships and sex?

KnittedBreast · 17/01/2011 12:09

but if she asks where do babies come from and you just say mummy and daddy love each other that isnt answering the question thats avoiding it. im sure she knows you love each other bit that isnt what she asked

mommmmyof2 · 17/01/2011 12:17

Because I feel that my child will ask me when they are ready that is all.I no some parents do not no how to handle certain conversations but as someone said in an earlier post, that takes it out of the hands of parents who do and who want to be the ones to answer delicate questions.

I have absolubty no problem with certain things being discussed at there age, and if the ciriculam is based on body parts fair enough.I just do not want my child being introduced to sex at such an early age.About eggs and sperm ect..

Surely once that has been said to a child they want to no more like how?Then what do we say to that, oh I guess we could call it a 'specail cuddle' as someone else mentioned earlier

Anyway these are my feelings not forcing them on anyone else

mommmmyof2 · 17/01/2011 12:24

I mean special!

And knittedbreast what would you tell your 5 year old?
As I said I would try to be as honest within rerason, If I felt at the time it was appropriate to go into it with her I would, but that would because I felt it was right.Not because I was being told to tell her.
If not I would simply say mommy and daddy love eachother and when you are older we will discuss it more.But I would focus more on the whole how babies are developed in the whom rather than how they got there.

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