To think swinging is URRGH!?

[TurkeyBurgerThing]

There is are two couples on This Morning just now talking about their love for swinging. They're just your normal looking every day couples. One couple own a swinging hotel and they do to clubs.

I find this really sleazy and just plain weird. She's saying that it's really common amongst primary school teachers too!!

Eeeew I bet they'll be swapping after the show.

AIBU to think this is a very strange thing to do and be so open about?

I have one of the most boring and mundane lives on here, I'm sure. But I'm happy with it. I find it hilarious how people describe my "lifestyle" as if it were something raunchy and exciting. I'm not into threesomes, orgies or swinging, but I really don't care if others are.

I'm with SGB on this one, metaphorically speaking.

As somebody who enjoys a good caning by DH I am not exactly the best person to contribute to this thread.

As ever I disagree with almost everything Mal says. If I have to read about her wonderful sex life one more time I am going to be seriously displeased!

Not caning per se, but have a flip flop specifically for the job in our house.

Hello leQueen

"Emma let me introduce you to the abstract concept of humour hmm"

Thanks so much, I do get that you were being 'funny' (I use the word advisedly). My point was: you seem to be devoting a lot of time and energy thinking about "ugly people fondling each other", and concocting humorous scenarios involving latex and gimp masks and loudly patterned carpets etc. It must have taken up a considerable portion of your weekend thus far. If it offends your sensibilities so, why don't you go and do something else for a bit? Have a nice bath (or a cold shower). Maybe a gentle Sunday morning stroll. Is there anything on the radio?

You are still at it

ooh ooh, we have a flogger - it really needs to come out of the back of the wardrobe. Gotta say that swinging doens't really attract me, it does in fantasy land (as in not real) as my self esteem wouldnt stand up to my DP shagging someone else and i woudlnt particularly want to do the dirty with dereck from hartlepoole, but as a good catholic girl that i am, i believe that we shoudlnt judge others by their actions if no harm is done to anyone.

Oh this thread got all serious again a couple of pages back. I miss LeQueen's Brenda.

As I said earlier, swinging really doesn't appeal to me as it seems to be the worst of both worlds. It lacks both love and spontaneous lust/passion. It all seems quite contrived and, yes, mundane.

I have really appreciated the honestly with which Nikki and IaminlovewithKevin write. While I accept that there are people out there like FBWife who genuinely consent, enjoying it, and are clearly in control of what happens to their bodies, I just wondering whether the reality of swinging can differ from the fantasy of it. Aside from those women who do genuinely enjoy it, it seems that there is a huge power imbalance between the men who are participating and the women. More than one of those who have participated talking about being coked up, which is telling IMHO.

I think a distinction should also be drawn between clubs and swinging with just another couple. The clubs sound downright nasty whereas I can see how in the situations that FBWife describe it could be a lot safer.

I still don't really understand how sex could still be special with your husband after you have seen him doing the exact same thing to a complete stranger who he doesn't care about at it. Doesn't it cheapen it somewhat? That is a genuine question.

While there has been some judging on this thread I think those of us who have expressed why we don't like or wouldn't try swinging aren't necessarily juding - just setting out out reasons.

"im not judgemental about other peoples sex lives and choices but i will continue to call you all mundanes" yawn yawn going round in circles no wonder Brenda went off to a club.

Comment to original post- I think it is up to everyone and as weird as it sounds I have heard swinging has saved marriges!
I just think about whether these people have children and if so I do think there is a chance of them getting hurt if it all went wrong!
But hey everyone to their own

Never said it saved mine, but it is true.horses for courses and all that.Some people get bored in their own sexual relationship but still love eachother.I don't think I could do it but who knows how these people feel to have to take that step!

Oh and for the people who just do it because they want to then as long as they are not hurting anyone it their lives.

I have a hard time thinking that people who swing have a loving and trusting relationship, but there are plenty to say that they do so , not having done it myself, i dont think im qualified to judge - and anyway, no one seems to be listening to me anyway so i am going to go and find a thread about knitting

Yes nicely back tracked fbwife, now, off to church with you.....

I'm listening brightlights

LeQueen: not particularly. Lots of people remain monogamous but are bored shitless - they just don't think they can do anything about it. And some people are really not bothered about sex, so if they are fortunate enough to find a similarly uninterested partner then they can have a perfectly contented life together.
Of course, there is a huge moneymaking industry peddling ways to make heteromonogamy less boring, which is another reason why it's so constantly pushed as the Only Way - something that's often difficult or dull but which you can sell people stuff to adjust it with, now there's something people need to be told to want.

What exactly is the huge moneymaking industry pushing for me to remain monogamous, can you break it down?

Genuine question, as have most of my other unanswered ones been really, but my inability to stop taking the piss out of all walks of life always shines through in the end.

I take the piss out of myself even more in RL actually, and no, it isn't be use I'm repressed or frustrated or mundane.

There's only one thing that bothers me about this thread - Derek from Hartlepool is my dad If he is at swinging parties then I'm never going to another one again!!!!!

You can't really discriminate in that way though can you Missque?

He has just as much right to be there writhing around on the orgy mattress as you, you just have to grin and it when he is rimming a 30 year old next to you, because it's most likely that all the middle aged swingers are somebody's mum and dad. Fact, no?

"Binfull I'm fairly sure the men SGB fucked while pregnant in a club just thought she looked sexy and curvy. It doesn't mean that they are attracted to the fact there is a baby inside her! I fucked a fuck buddy who liked preg women while pregnant." That was a quote by FB saturday morning.
Why are all the references to 'fucking'.
Not that I don't like a bit of fucking myself. My dh and i make love, have sex, and also have a good fuck or a quick shag, from time to time.
But the references with regard to swinging, seem to be about fucking. thats not nice, is it ?

Binful: there are endless books and articles on 'making monogamy work', billions of 'relationship counsellors' not forgetting all the Vailentine crap and Couples Romantic Holidays.

SGB, do you think that many peoples desire for monogomy is fuelled by media?
I am not sure what fuels mine. But I don't think its media. I crave the intimacy and I don't want this with more than one person, I only want it with dh.
Why is this ?

stuffinggoldbrass - *LeQueen was talking about (and I quote) "enjoying your sex life with one person" not have a sex free or boring sex life with your partner.

I happen to agree with LeQueen. I find it utterly depressing that in order to have a good sex life or even "save a marriage" one would have to look outside it for sex.

On LeQueen's point about a good sex life in a monogomous relationship, I had one friend when I was at university who used to sleep with a lot of men (especially compared to me who was in a monogamous relationship with future DH at the time). So she always seemed very wordly, risque and adventurous to me. But then she revealed that she did actually know how to give oral sex since she had only ever slept with each guy once so had never been "taught." If you are with the same person you learn a lot more about experimentation and risk-taking and what pleasures each other because you have trust and security.