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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think swinging is URRGH!?

640 replies

TurkeyBurgerThing · 13/01/2011 10:44

There is are two couples on This Morning just now talking about their love for swinging. They're just your normal looking every day couples. One couple own a swinging hotel and they do to clubs.

I find this really sleazy and just plain weird. She's saying that it's really common amongst primary school teachers too!!

Eeeew I bet they'll be swapping after the show.

AIBU to think this is a very strange thing to do and be so open about?

OP posts:
Malificence · 15/01/2011 10:37

If being vanilla is enjoying wonderful and meaningful sex with my DH of 25+ years rather than having to stoop so low as to degrade myself with a roomful of random strangers , then by all means, call me cornish.

Forgive me if you misunderstood my earleir comment, I didn't mean that your sexual relationship with your husband was worthless, I meant that your whole relationship was, you are making a complete mockery of marriage, just like anyone else who cheats on their partner - there is no distinction.

What is missing in your life that makes you think it's ok and you are not being unfaithful?

Animation · 15/01/2011 10:39

And you swingers who recknon to be very happy people - with high levels of self-respect going on.

I'm not convinced!!

And advocating that it's perfectly healthy practice on a forum like this - with all sorts of vulnerable people reading this shite - I'm concerned!!

I detect also a bit of an attention seeking wind up going on.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 15/01/2011 10:43

The lack of EMPATHY of some people on here is quite staggering.

BrianAndHisBalls · 15/01/2011 10:44

will you stop calling everyone who doesnt swing 'a mundane' please, its really tedious and shows your own prejudices. Not exactly open minded is it? If you're so happy with your own choices why do you have to put others down for theirs?

Oblomov · 15/01/2011 10:45

SGB, your last sentence, didn't do well to make it sound any more attractive. 'Oh we are the 'in clique', the 'beautiful people', and you are not welcome. Bet that persons ( the rejected, not allowed to join the four-some) self worth was flying high, after that .

Hullygully · 15/01/2011 10:45

So you all think different things and have different views and opinions on swinging.

That doesn't make any view "right." Or any other "wrong."

Arguing thusly is childlike.

LeQueen · 15/01/2011 10:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 15/01/2011 10:46

As is peoples desire to define marriage and/or relationships as 'exactly what I do' and dismiss all others. It's pretty rude really.

Oblomov · 15/01/2011 10:46

Coalition, whose lack of empathy ? no empathy re what exactly ?

LeQueen · 15/01/2011 10:47

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TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 15/01/2011 10:47

I don't think the work mundane helps the swingers case - but it's nicer than 'sleazy and plain weird'

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 15/01/2011 10:49

Oblomov - The lack of empathy in being unable to understand that someone might enjoy something you don't.

I don't like X-Factor but I can see that some people do. I don't go swinging but can understand that some people enjoy it.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 15/01/2011 10:51

Oh and the CONSTANT 'if you want to have sex with someone else your own relationship must be shit and a fraud' is stunningly unempathic ans smacks of protesting to much. As does the 'all swingers are ugly' meme.

LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 10:52

To have multiples of sexual partners makes me a bit queasy, to pay a membership to allow multiples of sexual partner to "take you from behind" (I believe was the expression) is just downright nasty.

I hate people who use marriage as "base" to wander back to after "a queue of men have taken "one" from behind". Sickens me. Yes it's judgemental, but I think it's wrong and disgusting and I don't believe any self respecting woman with an ounce of dignity would indulge in such activities.

LeQueen · 15/01/2011 10:54

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Oblomov · 15/01/2011 10:55

Coalition, thats not the problem. And I don't think that is a lack of empathy.
I don't mind if someone likes white bread, football or x factor.
But I like delving a bit deeper to understand why someone feels so differently about sex. Only because I do find it hard to understand.

TheCoalitionNeedsYou · 15/01/2011 10:57

Oblomov - You might do and I wasn't addressing you specifically. But a lot of the unpleasent attacks on other peoples lifestyles seems to come form simple fear of the other and a resulting lack of empathy.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 15/01/2011 10:59

Ok stuffing,we all get the point, but we are entitled to disagree so stop calling everyone mundane because they don't enjoy your sex life.

And, while you are in your foursome, and you turn to the guy who wants to join in and tell him you are not invited, now sod off - what does that do for his self esteem then? And how do you stop him just standing there staring at you? Or do you somehow then feel uncomfortable and threatened? And if he persists on watching you? Do you flounce out with the condom between your legs and complain to a bouncer on the door in a bow tie making the whole evening rather mechanical? We aren't animals, I didn't conceive my son because my husband broke free from the herd, bit me on the neck, pounded me and then went off to eat a half dead gazelle....we are supposed to be cognitive individuals.

Does the uninvitee get thrown on to the street with his clothes in a bin bag? How does it stop getting nasty? How do you stop people you don't want involved from standing there masturbating over you and looking up your box watching you? How do you stop them commenting on your personal self? What does it do to your self esteem if you sit there all night not making a connection? Does someone feel sorry for you and ask you to join for a mercy fuck? How do you feel knowing that your hole is just a goal to some people? Anyhow I don't think anyone on here is complaining about the choice of group sex if you are single and free of commitment.

If sex isn't intimate in a marriage, why do so many people feel cheated when someone had sex with another person? If it was as mundane was washing the car, as you make it out to be amongst marrieds, then we'd be jealous if our partners agreed to wash someone elses car on a Sunday?

What if you had ended up with a disease whilst pregnant after having sex with that couple? Would you have felt guilty or blasé?

All I see is you repeating the same line over and over, "you are all mundane, what people do is there own choice, you could meet a bloke tomorrow and he could be a cheating disease carrying twunt." yes yes, but it smacks of a little bit of jealousy and loneliness and lack of self respect if you ask me.

And of course you will all come on here and say, yep I'll tell my kid that when I carried him/ her I went to have sex with a stranger because he got off on it and I would be happy for you to get gang banged every which way when you are 16, because it is you choice, but in reality, I bet you wouldn't say that.

LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 11:01

Well said Binfull.

Oblomov · 15/01/2011 11:01

LeQ, I don't think the BBC is ready for Brenda.

Like LeQ, I worry/can only conclude thta someone has either : very low self esteem, or been damaged emotionally ( abused) , or has had some 'strange' sexual experiences, to make them ens up thinking thta this is a normal/balnced view of loving sex.

Animation · 15/01/2011 11:04

Binful - great post.

LeQueen · 15/01/2011 11:04

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dejavuaswell · 15/01/2011 11:08

I am expecting the (in)famous poster extended to be along here any minute. Read the classic threads to see why! Grin

altinkum · 15/01/2011 11:10

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LadyOfTheManor · 15/01/2011 11:13

Deja I just glanced over the Classics. Can you provide a link as I'm a little Confused

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