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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to snarl at my DS's Bullies?

54 replies

finallyfree · 12/01/2011 21:35

My DS is 14 has asd and add and has been systematically bullied at school. Twice he has been assaulted outside school (quite badly) School wont do anything bcos police are investigating so when i see these nasty little boys i cannot help but to give them the evil and make them feel generally uncomfortable. I never verbally threaten them. What makes it worse is that some of these kids are 16 and 17!!! my friend says i should stop "intimidating" them because they are children but my response is "if they cant take it dont dish it". If i found out my DC's were bullying i would certainly sort them out. Is my behaviour reasonable, unreasonable or justified?

OP posts:
ThisFeelsWeird · 12/01/2011 21:38

I would do more than snarl at them. I would have to be physically restrained. You are not being unreasonable at all to loathe the little scroats. God, I get so upset reading bullying stories on here - it makes me weep to imagine my DS, who is just a baby, being picked on or abused by anyone.

I really hope you get it sorted out.

Sazisi · 12/01/2011 21:44

I don't know if yabu or not, but I can totally relate to how you feel; I have a dc with Aspergers and I feel such a rage when kids are just nasty to her, can't begin to imagine how it feels when they are actually seriously assaulted.
It's probably wisest to leave it to the police/school though. But I understand :(

spikeycow · 12/01/2011 21:46

YABU to only snarl. They'd have to scrape them off the floor at those ages and their fucking parents, IMO if they want trouble they can have it all day. I'm sick of hearing about children topping themselves over bullies and their shitty inadequate "parents" Angry

TheCrackFox · 12/01/2011 21:50

YANBU

I don't consider 16 and 17 yrs old to be children.

ScotlandR · 12/01/2011 22:01

JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST!!!

I agree with spikey. My mother pinned a 16y-o bully who attacked my 10y-o brother to a wall by his throat. Perfectly fucking reasonable.

16 and 17 is not a child. Your friend needs a bash on the head, these YOUNG ADULTS are violently attacking your young and vulnerable son. Why would you not be angry?????

The LEAST you can do is make them feel uncomfortable. I would personally recommend great deals of pain, but obviously with the police involved, it is probably not a good idea.

Original poster
finallyfree · 12/01/2011 22:01

spikeycow, dont get me started on parents, had one "mother" on my doorstep telling me my DS was a retard and should be in special school!! He is in top set for everything and looking at getting top grades in gcse. Needless to say DH had to drag me indoors :o

To others thanks for replies to Sazisi us aspie mums must stick together.

OP posts:
pointythings · 12/01/2011 22:02

YADNNNNNBU.

I'd probably end up in jail for doing something to them.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar · 12/01/2011 22:03

YANBU. The bullies are not children. And I think you're showing applaudable restraint.

ScotlandR · 12/01/2011 22:05

oh, thisfeelsweird I know what you mean. was bullied myself all through school, and my DD is four... getting terribly close to school age Confused

She's adorable but a bit on the peculiar side at times and a bit solemn, so I'm afraid she'll have the tough time of it that I did.

MadamDeathstare · 12/01/2011 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sue52 · 12/01/2011 22:27

YANBU in fact you are being remarkably restrained.

2shoes · 12/01/2011 22:29

yanbuthis is a hate crime and I hope the police are taking it seriously

KaraStarbuckThrace · 12/01/2011 22:35

YANBU - My DSS (who has Asperger's) was being bullied at his primary school. I would love to get hold of the little shits who made his lifer such a misery.

And yes they ARE little shits - they knew what they were doing, knew it was wrong, knew how upset my DSS was and they still carried on doing it Angry

edam · 12/01/2011 22:37

Entirely reasonable but be careful not to do anything that puts you in the wrong.

Hope the police are taking this seriously and treating it as a hate crime.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 12/01/2011 22:38

I have an son with Autism and learning diffs and a few years ago a nasty little shit in the street started bullying my DD using DS as the bait... none stop nastiness culminating in hitting my daughter and splitting her lip badly. He was 13..she was 9.

I'm quite a calm person usually but OMG I discovered that I can frighten the shit out of a bully if needed Grin

I chased the kid down the road, caught up with him and bollocked him until he sobbed..THEN marched him home to his parents and told them exactly why I had just wiped the floor with him.

I think you are being incredibly restrained and hope that they ARE a bit worried :D

Our children are so vulnerable.. my son is at special school but even there he gets bullied at times and it breaks my heart.

MrsFlittersnoop · 12/01/2011 22:40

YANBU at all.

I've had to physically restrain DH (6'2" and 17 stone) from going out to down hunt DS's bullies after he's been attacked and harrased on the way home from school.

DS is 14 and has Asperger's syndrome. We are in the middle of yet another useless round of reporting bullying in school (DS was harrassed by a gang of boys while taking an unvigilated! Shock GCSE exam in a separate room) and getting the usual flannel about the incident being investigated.

MsKLo · 12/01/2011 22:41

oh my God finally i can't believe that stupid arsehole said such nasty things to you

i really really hope they do something about them

if it is any consolation - these types of idiotic bullies go on to be nothing in their life whilst your wonderful and clever boy will do so much x

WimpleOfTheBallet · 12/01/2011 23:20

My mate was chased down the street by an angry Mum when we were 14 after picking on a girl

She never did it again!

Scotland...please try to remember that your DD isn't you...I had all these fears as I got picked on...guess what? My sightly odd and VERY solemn DD is "Very popular" according to her teacher....ao it's not always history repeating itself.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 12/01/2011 23:21

I remember how utterly terrified we were..it's not every day a MUM chases you when you're a teen...you think you're invincible but when faced with a fully grown woman who is angry...well...OP YANBU at all.

ILovedYou · 12/01/2011 23:21

YADBU! - run them over instead

monkeyjamtart · 13/01/2011 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 00:20

monkeyjamtart - The problem is while we are worrying about our kids being bullied, the bullies parents are not in the slightest bit worried there kids will turn into bullies.

Because 9 times out of ten the parents are bullying the children or neglecting them emotionally in some way. Toughen your child up via high self esteem, praise, encouragement and give child permission to fight back.

FabbyChic · 13/01/2011 00:22

YOu are not being unreasonable because if it was my son, I would go up to them and say I wanted to talk to their parents. YOu are real strong to be able to not say anything.

I would.

They have assaulted your son.

I'd go ballistic.

fishtankneedscleaning · 13/01/2011 00:44

YABU to snarl at them. You need to give them a good kicking IMHO

stLucia · 13/01/2011 00:48

Would IBU to suggest you change schools?
If the school are being useless then a new one is in order, especially if they're ignoring assault.