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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to snarl at my DS's Bullies?

54 replies

finallyfree · 12/01/2011 21:35

My DS is 14 has asd and add and has been systematically bullied at school. Twice he has been assaulted outside school (quite badly) School wont do anything bcos police are investigating so when i see these nasty little boys i cannot help but to give them the evil and make them feel generally uncomfortable. I never verbally threaten them. What makes it worse is that some of these kids are 16 and 17!!! my friend says i should stop "intimidating" them because they are children but my response is "if they cant take it dont dish it". If i found out my DC's were bullying i would certainly sort them out. Is my behaviour reasonable, unreasonable or justified?

OP posts:
ScotlandR · 13/01/2011 00:49

I'm glad to hear that wimple, I just worry that I look at her and think "bloody hell, you're mental!" sometimes, and I rather hope that doesn't mean others will.

Maybe she'll be very popular because of a communal four-year old logic Hmm

E.G. friend asked her if she wanted babies when she was all grown up. "I don't think so. Children can be rather silly." (to her defense she sort of glared at her Daddy at this point, LMAO!)

kreecherlivesupstairs · 13/01/2011 08:22

DNBU. My DD has been bullied several times, the slyest boy who was pinching her (in my sight) was told that I'd snap his fingers off if he touched her again. The nasty little bitch that stopped DD going to the toilet had a good speaking to by her mum after I phoned her. The two cunts on the school bus soon stopped when I got on with her one morning.
I know I'll be pulled up for the way I've described these children, but I don't give toss.

MargaretGraceBondfield · 13/01/2011 08:28

I second 2shoes call for it being 'hate crime'. Your child is being singled out for being different.

I can't imagine the hot fire of hell that would pour from my mouth if any child ever physically injured my children or verbally abused them....
omg.

MargaretGraceBondfield · 13/01/2011 08:30

kreecher....no pulling up here. I think it's perfectly apt as we all remember how vile these types can be from our own school days.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 13/01/2011 08:32

A boy approached dd in town when I was with her the day after him and his friends threw one of her friends in the canal, stole their picnic and burst their balloons. One of the parents actually had to make a report to the police.

He was all cocky and "hey, what you doing". DD muttered to me his name so I knew which it - I just walked up to him and glared very hard at him, said he had been reported to the police and to expect a visit to his parents and to leave her the 'fuck' alone (menacingly and quietly). He looked a bit scared and ran off.

DD said he'd never bothered her again.

Little shit.

queenofthecapitalwasteland · 13/01/2011 08:43

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable here- I remember how horrible it was being bullied everyday for things as simple as actually knowing the answers to the questions asked in class.
It just horrifies me that parents have to resort to vigilante-style tactics to protect their children and schools hide behide anti-bulling leaflets and pretend nothing happens

shabbapinkfrog · 13/01/2011 08:58

Dont think YABU - not for one single moment.

My DS4 (13yrs) was bullied all through year 8....mainly verbally (and the words were awful). He often talked about suicide Sad School were doing nothing. One night I had two of his school mates private message me on FB and two Mums of other friends do the same. They all gave me the same name and said DS was having a very hard time.

I went to meet him near school and the bully ran after him (he was a year older) and started physically attacking him. The bully, however, DID NOT KNOW ME!!! Grin. I have to admit I grabbed him by his throat and told him what would happen if this did not stop. I must admit to screaming in his face, using language that was disgraceful Blush I went berserk. He was much taller than me but I ended up taking him, by the throat, and throwing him onto the school bus!!!

Weirdly enough it has never happened since.

I congratulate you on just snarling. You are doing the right thing protecting your precious lad.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/01/2011 09:05

Kreecher I find it surprising that your poor DD has suffered all that in Belgium! Are you still in Belgium? I thought they were nicer there! Maybe I don't know anything!

I'm not going to pull you up either..I think you're fine calling them what you want if they were being evil to your DD.

My sister gave the "Scary Mum" stare to a wicked 8 year old who had been traumatising her 6 year old...nobody thought she was wrong!

I agree that the bullies are the bullied...unhappy at home for various sad reasons.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 13/01/2011 09:07

No problems so far in Belgium. These incidents happened in Thailand and then Switzerland although there is a worrying development at the moment with one girl in particular...............

WimpleOfTheBallet · 13/01/2011 09:21

The little shits Kreecher...

MackerelOfFact · 13/01/2011 09:52

Awful. I was bullied myself for being a 'boff' (I wasn't even that clever, just quiet and conscientious) and wouldn't hesistate to do anything required to stop the same happening to my own DCs. I'm suprised there are bullying shits over 16 though, generally speaking once they have a choice, the truly idiotic ones tend to leave education to go to jail.

WelshSara · 13/01/2011 10:29

How you've managed to show such restraint is a miracle. Protect your child, do what's necessary. I thought I'd feel that some of you are going overboard (not been in that situation yet - have 3 girls) but reading every post has had me shaking in anger and nodding in total agreement.

Too many unhappy kids, too many suicides, too many parents who leave it to the schools to sort, and the problems don't get resolved. Hurt my kids, face my wrath. Power to you all to stand up to these miserable bullies - if their parents can't yank them home and sort it, then definitely step-in.

Bullies are abhorrent.

bupcakesandcunting · 13/01/2011 10:31

YANBU. I would be ripping their voiceboxes out of their throats if it were my son they were bullying. Little cockends.

shabbapinkfrog · 13/01/2011 10:47

bup Grin

chinam · 13/01/2011 10:50

Totally agree with everything already said. here. I would not hesitate to do the same as you have to protect my DC.

WelshSara · 13/01/2011 10:58

Meant to ask - is there a page anywhere on Mumsnet that can explain all these abbreviations? I'm new to the site and have been trying to figure it out without much success.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 13/01/2011 11:14

Cockends is fairly self explanatory (and brilliant)
WelshSara, right at the very top theres a section called acronyms. That should be of some use (althoug others take some figuring out)

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 11:37

Kree - the description cunt is too good for them.

Good on ya!

ILovedYou · 13/01/2011 11:39

WelshSara

Here

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

WelshSara · 13/01/2011 13:41

That's some list. At least I can relate a bit better to this topic.
Sorry to add a question to this, but my mind has been wandering into this scenario (as it does). What, after doing a ballistic on those concerned, that the prob escalates? What if their parents refuse to believe that their 'little angels' are guilty of said bullying?
Sorry - not meaning to pull this into another direction, but I s'pose if I were in this situation, I'd have a little voice saying "What if I make it worse?". That said, it's those little voices that are responsible for Parents not stepping in? What would you do?

lazarusb · 13/01/2011 14:43

My Nan threatened to cut a boy's ears off after the 3rd time he'd strangled my brother. The boy's mother went mad but guess what...he never touched him again.
I have..ahem..spoken to children who were picking on my dcs and it does appear to eradicate the problem. Wink

Original poster
finallyfree · 13/01/2011 20:39

Thanks people. I have told the school that if these arseholes (obviously i didnt use that word) are allowed to continue with the bullying i will personally take the school to court for failing to protect a vulnerable child... Oh how their little butt cheeks flapped lol. Have also been told by police that they would set up a "meeting" between myself DH and bullies parents as kind of mediation should this happen again and the bullies would have to explain themselves. From the little contact i have had with these halfwit inbreads i could run rings around them verbally.

Not tarring all bullies parents with the same brush, i caught one boy having a pop at my DD about my DS i voice recorded it and marched him to his mother, played her the recording and proceeded to watch as she tore him apart (verbally) and then she THANKED me!!!

Good luck to all who's DC's are suffering and to everybody else i promise that when the time is right i will give these scumbags a taste of their own medicine.

OP posts:
Original poster
finallyfree · 13/01/2011 20:45

welshsara if you get them on their own it works better than confronting a group as that does make it worse. Good parents know exactly what their DC's are capable of heaven knows neither of mine are angels lol
lazarusb- good on your nan

OP posts:
spikeycow · 13/01/2011 20:46

Well done. In this situations my chavvy motto is "wrong aint strong", if I know I'm right the gloves are off.

spikeycow · 13/01/2011 20:49

Oh even groups are fine to confront if you can do all the street talk. They'll be all "WTF? Who is she?" and wonder who you're connected to and all that Grin