motherinlaw that posts pics on facebook

[nowonthepill]

Hi there, just need to vent some anger! My motherinlaw is a total facebook addict. She plays farmville 24/7 and is friends with loads of people she barely knows as it benefits her farm or something...Anyway she puts loads of photos of my kids on, often using one as her profile pic. She knows I'm not keen but it doesn't seem to stop her. Am I being unreasonable to not want my kids shown off to a load of complete strangers? I really hate that I feel I've no control over this and worry that it's a little dangerous to provide so much info on three little kids. What does everyone else think? Feel free to tell me I'm being paranoid!

Am I being unreasonable to not want my kids shown off to a load of complete strangers?

can i ask if you ever take your dc to a shopping center? If you do or a supermarket YABVU as then a bunch of strangers will be a ble to look at your dc and not only will they be seen by a bunch of strangers the supermarket or shopping center will have over 10 cameras and will be able to to follow your actions around the stores and take stills from the footage.

If you keep your dc indoors and act in a similar way to Michael Jackson with his dc then no YANBU

i didn't say i wasn't disturbed by the thought did i?

i am not going to have my life governed by soemthing that may happen at some point in time. i put photos of my dc on FB and i will be damned if that makes me a bad parent.

It really doesn't matter what the OP thinks will happen if her MIL put up fb pics. They are her children and she can tell someone not to take pics and put them on FB.

OP tell her to take them down or you wont give her any pics or let her take any.

Nobody said you were a bad parent Boo..only that ideas are different and that those of us who are cautious about images of their kids all over the net should not be sneered at as paranoid idiots.

Yes..OP TELL Mil to take them down.

Nothing wrong with putting pictures of your own children on FB at all. It's assuming you can apply the same freedom to pictures of other people's DC that the OP is annoyed about. Even/especially if the offender is your MIL.

Please show me where the putting of a child photogarpah on face book has brought harm to that child?

Even just name one child that has been harmed through having a photograph on face book?

I have photographs where random strange children have walked into the photographs of adults - will harm come to these children if i place the photograph on face book?

but i think it is paranoia to be fretting over this. as otehrs have said, unless you keep your dcs indoors, paedophiles will have access to photograph and look at your dcs. by taking them out in public you are enabling that.

Tell your MIL to tighten up her security settings on FB and stop worrying about imaginary shadowy figures that you think may be after your children.

My husband and I, including other family members post pictures of our kids on Facebook, but we make sure that the only people who can see them are genuine friends. I can understand how you frustrated you feel because you have no control over what she does.

Maybe you can work on her before you try the contacting FB angle? Show her articles or news items on how people can get information from FB and use it to their advantage (a friend of mine works in the NJ Police Department and he says "Online Forensics" cases show how a lot of crimes (yes, including those related to child abuse) are committed using information from social networks like FB, MySpace, etc.

Also, tell her she can post pictures of your children but she should limit these to only people she knows. There is a way to limit which friends see the photos (i.e., allow friends except name 1, name 2 to see photos).

From your side, reiterate to your children that they are, under no circumstances, to talk or walk away with a stranger, even if they use tactics like "I know your mom and dad" or "your grandma is hurt and needs you."

Finally, last resort but you need to talk to your husband about this, especially about the pic that has your son's name and school uniform on there. That is just carelessness on her part.

Oh, and to answer the comments on a child that has been harmed through his/her photo being up on FB:

Here's a freaky story about a Massachusetts mom who found a photo of her own child being used as part of an adoption scam: www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/BO120552/ (MA mother finds own child advertised to adoption).

A more close to home story: when I was living in the UK there was a woman who identified herself to a neighbor's child (at school - she also saw a picture of the child online wearing her school uniform and, in one shot, the name of the school was clearly seen as she was posing on her first day) as a family friend. She then rattled off information about my neighbor, which we found she got by researching her through the friend of friend in FB. The woman then proceeded to tell the child that her mom was in an accident and at the hospital, and that she was sent to bring the child there. Thankfully a teacher saw what was happening and stepped in to ask the child if she knew the woman, who then panicked and ran off.

All in all, I am not saying it is bad to share pictures of your children. As long as it does not give out too much information and it is not shared with total strangers.

Can you please show me the articles or news items on how people harm dc by using face book photographs please? Neverbeenthere

the second is an urban myth - sorry I have heard the same before

"Here's a freaky story about a Massachusetts mom who found a photo of her own child being used as part of an adoption scam: www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/BO120552/ (MA mother finds own child advertised to adoption)."

but that isn't harming the child is it?

Ivykaty - but why can't you just accept that op doesn't want pictures of her dd on facebook? Or at least viewable to people she doesn't know and her MIL doesn't even know on facebook?

It doesn't seem such an unreasonable thing.

Millions and millions of people don't put pictures of their children on facebook.

Does it matter?

Sorry ivykaty44 but the second example I gave was my own. It was my neighbor and sorry to say, it DID happen. I know that there are other similar stories out there, and I am sad and to tell you the truth, quite shocked that it could happen to someone I know.

I am not saying one action is right or wrong, but clearly there is a personal preference due to wanting to err on the side of caution, and I agree with that line of thinking. I am not here to argue or debate, just saying my piece and sharing my experience, that's all.

Apologies ivykaty44, the above post was for ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo.

Can your MIL not have two facebook accounts, one for farmville and one for friends and family. So that those she does not know i.e her Farmville friends don't know anything personal about her.

Oh and I play Farmville and Im 46.

Apologies ivykaty44, the above post was for ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo too.

I had to re-read the posting thread to know who to address what, sorry.

it was ivykaty that said it was an urban myth, not me.

and i still don't see how your first example harms the child.

Sorry, this is my first day posting on discussion boards and clearly I need more readng practice, apologies ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo (cool nickname, by the way!).

You are right in that the first example does not harm the child, but it does circulate that child's photo unecessarily. Again, it is all about personal preference and who has access to what someone is sensitive about due to this. It may be information, a photo, etc. At the very least it is annonying, at the most it does beg the question why that particular child's photo was used and not some other stock photograph that is available for free online.

yes it is annoying and would be quite upsetting to find the iamge had been abused in this way but as otehrs have said, taking your children out in public can lead to exactly the same thing. collecting yoru children from school gives a paedophile sitting in a car across the road the same information as posting a pic of them in their uniform on FB, they folow you home and they have your address.

the best way to protect your children is to teach them how to safeguard themselves and how to speak out and that they will be believed and listened to when there is a problem.

NeverBeenThereNeverDoneThat - what is the big deal about FB? If this attempted abduction happened(sceptical) then anyone who has a school child living near them who wears a uniform knows the school. Seems the school had procedures to stop the child being handed over (as they all do). Nothing happened.

Scare-mongering.

Should we ban school uniforms next? Ban having your house number on your door because a neighbour could send your child a scary letter?

JBellingham and the rest - I am sorry if sharing a personal experience is what you call scare-mongering. I have no intention of increasing someone's unease, I am merely sharing an experience that happened close to home. Make of it what you will but please do not accuse me of wanting to scare people - that is a rude and incorrect assumption. And you can only take my word for it that this indeed happened; I am sorry if you do not believe me.

If you do not share my views (as well as the views of some of the other posters here), then please do so without insulting my intelligence or integrity.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo - I agree, in fact that was one of the points in my first post, that the children should be taught not to go with strangers in any instance, and this prevention is better than any cure, so to speak.

Maybe the OP is trying to teach her kids about online safety and just doesn't want the message undermined by her MIL? That seems much more likely to me than that she's paranoid about weirdos lurking in cyberspace.