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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

motherinlaw that posts pics on facebook

162 replies

nowonthepill · 12/01/2011 12:53

Hi there, just need to vent some anger! My motherinlaw is a total facebook addict. She plays farmville 24/7 and is friends with loads of people she barely knows as it benefits her farm or something...Anyway she puts loads of photos of my kids on, often using one as her profile pic. She knows I'm not keen but it doesn't seem to stop her. Am I being unreasonable to not want my kids shown off to a load of complete strangers? I really hate that I feel I've no control over this and worry that it's a little dangerous to provide so much info on three little kids. What does everyone else think? Feel free to tell me I'm being paranoid!

OP posts:
SeaTrek · 12/01/2011 14:07

I cannot say that I share you concerns. However, as your MIL knows that you have these concerns she is being disrespectful by ignoring your requests that your children's photos are not on facebook.

I think the idea that she only shares albums with your children in with certain people (people who are close friends/family and already know them) and not using their photos as her profile pic is a good one. Offering to show her how to do that is probably a good first step.

If she completely refuses then I would make it clear that she does not have permission to show their images on the internet and you can have them removed. Confrontational, yes, but if she isn't prepared to compromise and you feel so strongly about it then I would go ahead a be so.

oneortwo · 12/01/2011 14:10

YANBU

I'm with you on this one, how are you going to encourage your teens to not doccument every personal detail online in years to come if their childhood is already "out there" on grandmas FB page?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/01/2011 14:10

Seeker... Grin... there should really be a 'laugh out loud' smiley on here.

MsKLo · 12/01/2011 14:10

you are sooooo not being unreasonable! they are YOUR children and if you do not like it she should repsect your wishes

tell her in no uncertain terms this is not on and to take the photos off!

tbh i dont get why anyone would think you are unreasonable, that you don't like it is enough let alone anything else

tyzer2001 · 12/01/2011 14:11

No, allnightlong, I can't.

Please tell me?

seeker · 12/01/2011 14:16

"that you don't like it is enough let alone anything else"

Whew - tha's a sweeping statement if ever I saw onw. Does that apply to everything?

Bucharest · 12/01/2011 14:22

How did this evil Farmville user come across these photos?

Oh, hold on a minute....

messyartist · 12/01/2011 14:23

I would have a word if your not happy. I have some friends of friend who are FB fanatics and sometimes join us on few girls nights. They're constantly taking photo's and video's of 'every moment'and checking in on FB on their phone.
To my horror I found the photo's and video's distributed all over FB. I never put pic's of me or my family on facebook due to some harrassment issues i had a while ago.

oneortwo · 12/01/2011 14:26

I think having yourself / your children on facebook should be an opt in thing rather than an opt out thing Hmm

Original poster
nowonthepill · 12/01/2011 14:30

Thank you for all your comments. I think I also just hate FB, that how nothing is left to the imagination anymore, like wondering how people are that you knew from school, well you don't have to it's right there on their status. It's not so great bumping into an old friend when you know exactly how many kids she now has and where she works.
Anyway I will say something to m-i-l, she'll think I'm being a cow but to hell with it.
BTW I think publishing a pic on facebook is worse than in a newspaper because more info is supplied, i.e you can get names of family members, know their interests, where they live, etc. I would presume a newspaper wouldn't give out that much info, and also isn't rare to see kids in papers as much?
To whoever said they are not that interested in photos of other people's kids, surely that's because you have no alterior motive? I'm worried about weirdos!

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 12/01/2011 14:32

Yanbu op. Your dislike of it is enough. Your children don't have a say, so you speak for them in this instance.

Mind you, you will only get a whole bunch of people telling you you are paranoid about paedophiles for disliking the practice in response to this thread.

[we've had similar threads in the past emoticon]

allnightlong · 12/01/2011 14:35

charliesmommy yes I would not allow my child to be featured in a newspaper.

Original poster
nowonthepill · 12/01/2011 14:36

bucharest: What do you mean?

OP posts:
allnightlong · 12/01/2011 14:37

onwfortwo I couldn't agree more. I do not plaster my childs face and name all over the internet why on earth should others do so?!

The only thing worse is bloody 'mummy' blogs not only plastering your children all over the net but also grossly invading their privacy.

notinmypocket · 12/01/2011 14:39

I've got pictures of my DD on my MN profile, and it's a bit like a Farmville situation on here. For all you know I could be an old perv and staring at pictures of children in a wrong way.

I am not playing this down but generally I don't think it's a big deal.
She does not provide any other details? Just a few pictures?

allnightlong · 12/01/2011 14:43

It's not about perverts around ever corner it's about privacy and the childs right to privacy.

Original poster
nowonthepill · 12/01/2011 14:45

I don't like the idea of a perv looking at my children, isn't that understandable? plus it wouldn't take long to gather enough info about them, making an abduction easier. I know this is very unlikely but I would just feel more comfortable knowing that there is no info about my kids on the net.

OP posts:
JBellingham · 12/01/2011 14:46

Stop cyber stalking your MIL and go out into the fresh air.

Original poster
nowonthepill · 12/01/2011 14:49

In all honesty I doubt very much she will remove the pics, as I have brought it up in the past. So I'll have no option but to go out in the fresh air and forget it. But it makes me feel uneasy.

OP posts:
Original poster
nowonthepill · 12/01/2011 14:51

The comments she writes are sickening too. 'oooh someone likes chocolate' pic of chocolate face 'oooh someone's going to be a builder' pic in builder suit. so on and so forth...Angry

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 12/01/2011 14:51

yes but a perv looking at your children isn't actually going to harm them is it? a perv can look at them in teh street without you knowing. it isn't causing them any trauma to be looked at.

oneortwo · 12/01/2011 14:52

it doesn't have to be about thinking there's a paedo round every corner, some people (myself included) just don't want their child's life publically documented like that. It is different to one pic of a competition in a newspaper, because its rarely one pic is it? the "offenders" usually put up loads. One pic in a newspaper is not the same at all IMO.

And I always wonder how people who do doccument every other moment of their children's lives on FB are planning to turn around and reel this behaviour in when their kids reach puberty and start relationships etc.

If I put up tonnes of pics of my kid straight from my phone as soon as its done/taken then I think I would really stuggle to sit them down as tweens to discuss being selective about what you put online

bubbleandsqueaks · 12/01/2011 14:52

I hope the fresh air makes you get a grip on reality, raising your children around this level of paranoia and suspicion cannot be healthy - probably a lot more dangerous than having a few pics on FB.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 12/01/2011 14:53

and if you put in place good practises and safeguarding them then it won't be very easy for anyone to abduct your children will it? raise your children to know that it is good to say when tehy feel uncomfortable with someone and that adults will listen when they say it.

bubbleandsqueaks · 12/01/2011 14:55

onefortwo - When your children are teenagers I'm sure they will listen when you say 'don't put photos of yourself up because I never have Hmm

Have you ever been around teenagers?

And I would imagine a parent who puts up photos of their child on FB would still be able to educate their child regarding the dangers of the internet. One does not exclude the other.