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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had this argument with a woman in Weatherspoons today?

554 replies

OnEdge · 11/01/2011 19:32

I tok my 18 week and 18 month old into Weatherspoons this morning. The lift was out of order so I ended up leaving the baby in the buggy, unstrapping my son and taking him a level (4 steps) to the bar to order my coffee. I took my son because had I left him strapped in the buggy he would have started arching his back and becoming agitated. The buggy was only about 12 feet away from where I was standing at the bar. My boy was toddling about, within a few feet of me while I waited to be served. A lady bought a coffee and was walking past me to her table with it, I saw my son walk round a large pillar and could possibley walk into her path. I warned the lady and said "oooh ! careful" and pointed my son. She walked past him and said loudly "He shouldn't be walking about !"

So I followed her to her seat and asked her why my son should not walk about.

Her "Its not me that says it, its this place."

Me "But YOU said it, what do you expect me to do with him when I place my order ?"

Her "Can't you strap him in a buggy?"

Me "No I will not strap my child down for your convenience>"

Her "I didn't want to step on him"

Me "All you had to do was look where you were going, I warned you he was there."

and then it carried on for another 2 minutes.

So, was I BU ????

I'm gonna get slaughtered, but I am intrigued as to whether or not you think I was out of order.

OP posts:
kittywise · 11/01/2011 21:28

op if you have three kids then should should know better fbs

kittywise · 11/01/2011 21:28

or fgs even

BringOnTheGoat · 11/01/2011 21:30

The comment by the other lady was unnecessary as there is no reason children can't walk about in family friendly places. They should be watched and not cause a nuisance though!!

muminthemiddle · 11/01/2011 21:30

Agree with the posters who believe Wetherspoons is not the ideal place to take a child.

In fact Wetherspoons is not the ideal place to take anyone unless they are a virtual alcoholic imho.

As an aside I would direct my comments to my child rather than a stranger. For example "oh look out x watch that lady!" thus avoiding the situatuation of appearing to dictate to the woman whilst notifying her that there is a child present iyswim.

OracleOfDelphinium · 11/01/2011 21:31

I'm saddened by how many threads there are on MN that feature people trumpeting their rudeness to/arguments with strangers. I'm equally saddened by the number of replies to such posts that say it's okay to be rude to strangers. So many of these things are best passed off with an apology (even if you don't mean it) and a smile.

mutznutz · 11/01/2011 21:32

If you had coke...couldn't whoever you ordered the coffee for have looked after your child? Hmm

Articulate · 11/01/2011 21:33

Spot on Oracle..

VivaLeBeaver · 11/01/2011 21:34

Another YABU, sorry but letting a young child toddle about infront of people carrying coffee is asking for trouble. He's at the wrong height and could easily not be seen and then end up with hot coffee on him.

Telling her that she should be looking where she was going, etc is unreasonable. You hold his hand or if you don't have enough hands pen him into the bar/counter with your knees. Or use reins or don't go into places like these on your own with 2 kids. You shouldn't be having to warn people he's there, you should be making sure he isn't there.

stillbobbysgirl · 11/01/2011 21:35

try costa coffee next time love

cobbledtogether · 11/01/2011 21:35

YABU for letting your 18m old wander around somewhere people are carrying hot drinks.

YAB even more U for going and having a row with her.

I can't believe you even need to ask.

VivaLeBeaver · 11/01/2011 21:36

Yes, what muminthemiddle said about saying something to your kid along the lines of "careful, come back here, there;s people with hot drinks" would have been better. Alerted the woman to the toddler without it coming across like you were telling her to look where she was going.

Littlefish · 11/01/2011 21:36

OnEdge - are you prepared to accept that your view of this incident is completely at odds with almost everyone on this thread.

Surely that must make you think that your actions were wrong, both in arguing with the woman, and in letting your ds wander around.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/01/2011 21:38

There are better ways that you could have alerted this lady to your son's presence, OP, tactfully and efficiently. You think you have the right to let your son wander about where he likes and everybody has to acknowledge him and take account of him and his whereabouts. They don't, it's the job of a parent (but obviously not yours).

You think you're in the right. I'm sure you'll do this again and again and I hope that your son doesn't suffer the consequences of your silly behaviour.

readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 21:39

op, my theory is not blown; please read my comments properly if you're going to comment!

Yep, it does sound a bit trip-trappy, whoever said that. No one would really want to take 2 kids into a pub at 10am for a coke, surely? I have appalling standards in terms of entertaining my kids, but that is below even my level! We've had family pub lunches now they're not toddlers, but even that only when dh wants to eat and cant wait.

FanjolinaJolie · 11/01/2011 21:39

What babyheave said

mommmmyof2 · 11/01/2011 21:40

In my opinion YANBU in a perfect world where we all have perfect kids who stand there glued to your side then of course this would never happen, but we all no life and children are not that easy.

Yes the woman may have been worried about her spilling coffee on him but still I do get wound up when people comment on me or my dc as they are walking away.

I not sure if I would have gone up to her or just left it depends on how I felt at the time.

FudgeGirl · 11/01/2011 21:40

Can't believe nobody thinks leaving an 18 week old baby on the stairs 12 feet away while you went to the bar, supervised (or didn't) your DS and ordered a coffee/coke at the same time was really irresponsible anyway?

And who was watching the baby in the buggy while you were having a row with this woman? Hmm

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 21:41

Weatherspoons is nice here. Why do I need to apologise ? She was rude to me. I didn't let him wander around, I was with him and ensuring he was safe and not causing a hazard, which is why I I warned the lady he was there. I still don't know what was wrong with her simply looking where she was going. People treat children as second rate citizens. There is a children's menu in there which is why I think its an ok to take mine in there. Have wetherspoons got a bad reputation in other parts of the UK then?

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 21:42

Well the baby was in the buggy, down some steps a few feet away. Its split level.

OP posts:
BringOnTheGoat · 11/01/2011 21:43

I would imagine the 18 week old was quite happy in the buggy - non-issue - what would happen to baby!?! Think the baby snatching aliens only work Bank Holidays Hmm

tomhardyismydh · 11/01/2011 21:44

give up op. you are not going to dig your self out of this.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 21:46

readingsteadnow I was meeting my parents for brunch actually. What does pfb stand for ? I had a coke and a coffee and a flapjack for son.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 11/01/2011 21:46

He WAS causing a hazard by wandering into her path

You were rude

1hottmumma · 11/01/2011 21:46

What does yabu and ds mean i`m new and dont know ? and u gotta be adult and ignore things sometimes its not easy but you are the more respected one if u keep your dignity and decouram

readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 21:46

The city centre ones are ok, more for the 'work crowd' but 'local' ones are all hideous. Dirty, rough looking, full of dodgy looking people having guiness for breakfast, and oaps. Having said that, we went to one for breakfast a lot on hol by the sea, as everyone else was doing it, so it was more like a cafe for families.