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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had this argument with a woman in Weatherspoons today?

554 replies

OnEdge · 11/01/2011 19:32

I tok my 18 week and 18 month old into Weatherspoons this morning. The lift was out of order so I ended up leaving the baby in the buggy, unstrapping my son and taking him a level (4 steps) to the bar to order my coffee. I took my son because had I left him strapped in the buggy he would have started arching his back and becoming agitated. The buggy was only about 12 feet away from where I was standing at the bar. My boy was toddling about, within a few feet of me while I waited to be served. A lady bought a coffee and was walking past me to her table with it, I saw my son walk round a large pillar and could possibley walk into her path. I warned the lady and said "oooh ! careful" and pointed my son. She walked past him and said loudly "He shouldn't be walking about !"

So I followed her to her seat and asked her why my son should not walk about.

Her "Its not me that says it, its this place."

Me "But YOU said it, what do you expect me to do with him when I place my order ?"

Her "Can't you strap him in a buggy?"

Me "No I will not strap my child down for your convenience>"

Her "I didn't want to step on him"

Me "All you had to do was look where you were going, I warned you he was there."

and then it carried on for another 2 minutes.

So, was I BU ????

I'm gonna get slaughtered, but I am intrigued as to whether or not you think I was out of order.

OP posts:
penguin73 · 11/01/2011 22:39

Who said she had taken the comments on board?!!!

LaraJade · 11/01/2011 22:40

OnEdge - in a pub, even in daytime, (esp one that sells ultra cheap drinks), pls be more careful not to get in arguments with strangers. That's how people get glassed etc.
Also re: baby DS on the loose in a pub - potentially could be glass on floor, + yes he is a 'trip hazard' (esp for those who've had a few drinks IYSWIM :) ) ! Get some reins for these situations.
As for the cola - won't hurt as a treat.

ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar · 11/01/2011 22:40

It was a pub. If it was soft play or the park, you might have a point. But it wasn't, so you don't.

kittywise · 11/01/2011 22:40

it's called being considerate of other people's needs, not your need to go into pub.
This is all about you OP, you can't see anything else but your on POV. Sometimes having kids means you can't go wherever you want. YOU chose to have your children, it's not up to other people to fit in with what ever you want.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 11/01/2011 22:40

You asked for opinions and that's my opinion.

KatieMiddleton · 11/01/2011 22:41

Your child is not her problem. You should keep him safe and out of the way.

To have a go at someone for a hazard you have caused, even if that hazard is your PFB is not on.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:41

When I went to France and Belgium, the people there were so nice and accomadating to the little uns, they really seemed to embrace them and enjoy them. its a shame that back home, people think they should be seen and not heard, it wasn't an adult brunch, it was simply a family brunch, we all eat and chat together and the children have a great time. I just let him walk round a bit.

OP posts:
cupofcoffee · 11/01/2011 22:41

Well personally I don't have any problem with children walking around in a not too busy cafe like you describe.

However if you'd have called out "oooh careful" at me I would probably be upset thinking you were accusing me of doing something wrong rather than warning me. So I can see why she then said what she did. I would have then thought you should have him stapped in the buggy because I would have been thinking that you can't have it both ways - having him walking round and telling me off for walking round. I know from your post you were warning not telling off but just thinking that it would have come across to me as a telling off!

In similar situations when I have thought my child might run into someone's path I have called out "be careful where you are going (my dc name)". Even if dc do not respond instantly to that, it does still warn the adult but without sounding like you are pointing the finger at them.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:42

what is pfb?

OP posts:
readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 22:42

Its the same as when you hold hands to cross the road because drivers can see adults more easily than children, due to height. The adult looks after the child. You compensate for the shortness. Like if a lady in a pub might trip over a person she cant see coming.

readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 22:43

Exactly cupofcoffee!

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:43

katiemiddleton you have hit the nail on the head there, I don't think that children should be kept out of the way for the convenience of adults.

OP posts:
auntyfash · 11/01/2011 22:43

can't be arsed reading the whole thread just now,but may do once I've rinsed my hairdye off....
Anyway, you sound like a proper confrontational ...I want to say cow but that sounds mean, so I'll call you a mare.

I can understand you not wanting to keep him in his buggy, but you should have held his hand, kept him close to you.

Right, off to rinse my hair and the read through the thread and see what the general concenscus is on here, not that I'm bothered really, but I've got this huge important job tomorrow and I'm nervous as hell and want something to distract me.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:45

Yes I see that point, but pointing him out to her ensured that she did see him coming.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 11/01/2011 22:45

On edge, I own a cafe, I have lots of mums and toddlers in, I am very laid back with them, and keep a weather eye out for stray infants, but I do not hesitate to return them to the parents when they toddle near danger, or to tell their parents to mind their kids, for everybody's safety.

the amount of times I have had to explain to seemingly intelligent people that blocking the only exit with thoughtlessly placed chairs and high chairs is beyond number.

Or that letting them play near the steep stairs Is A Very Bad Idea

Or that Running Around Could Be Dangerous...

Think outside your own little box.

I want all my customers to enjoy their visit, which also means not having it spoilt by unattended toddlers doing what toddlers do if unsupervised. And I certainly would NOT expect another one of my customers to take responsibility for someone elses child.

ll31 · 11/01/2011 22:45

think you were being unreasonable espeicially so in following her... you say you were being helpful warning her but then followed her and argued with her cos she expressed the opinion that your child should'tn be wondering round where they could get hurt??? so its ok for you to tell people how to behave - ie be careful of my child but not ok for her to tell you!!!

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:46

I am not confrontational normally honestly, I blush and cringe in these situations, that is why I posted on here actually. I want to talk it through.

OP posts:
readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 22:46

No, they shouldnt be kept out of the way. But they should be nurtured in appropriate places until they are aware of dangers, and their parents shouldnt rant at other people in front of them. God, I've wanted to give a few battleaxes a mouthful, but I would never do that in front of the children.
The only time I ever got confrontational was when ds opened a window on the bus because he was hot, and a man literally grabbed him by the arm and shouted 'dont mess with the bloody windows'.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/01/2011 22:47

You're a strange one, OP......

Obviously, you tell your CHILD to be careful of the lady, and not the other way round, FGS. Either that, or you say to the lady "Sorry, I think my little boy may be about to run out from behind that pillar - sorry if he gets in your way." You have alerted her to your son's presence then in a nice way - you have not told her off, which was what you did.

It's common sense, innit?

Something that many people don't seem to have much of these days.

LadyBiscuit · 11/01/2011 22:48

I grew up in Belgium and I still think your attitude is irritating. And it's nearby

penguin73 · 11/01/2011 22:48

"I don't think that children should be kept out of the way for the convenience of adults" - there is a difference between keeping someone out of the way and controlling them so they are safe and unlikely to harm themselves - or others. For the sake of your son I really hope that you don't learn this the hard way as you seem loathe to learn it the easy way.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:49

Madam* yeah, I agree with that, and ~I don't let them do daft things. I wish I could draw a floor plan and show you how it was. He really wasnt a hazard. If he had been a hazard, I would have slunk off feeling reprimanded but he wasnt one. I thought she was out of order for being so bossy when I had smiled and been pleasant.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/01/2011 22:49

Applause for Madamedefarge! Especially "Think outside your own little box."

I am going to use that quote next time some nutter in a pub follows ME to tell me off like the OP did.

MadameDefarge · 11/01/2011 22:49

Dear OP, please stop coat trailing with another post...you want us to tell you you weren't unreasonable to have lost your rag with someone else.

No can do. Better to have blushed and cringed as usual.

And maybe wonder why you have to blush and cringe so much.

thebrownstuff · 11/01/2011 22:50

LOL This could go on forever. Classic AIBU. Doesn't matter what the OP says now, people will keep join thread, not read properly and pummelling op with big YABU stick. Op will feel the need to redefend herself. Having got on to the same page...people will join thread, not read properly etc etc Grin Grin