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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had this argument with a woman in Weatherspoons today?

554 replies

OnEdge · 11/01/2011 19:32

I tok my 18 week and 18 month old into Weatherspoons this morning. The lift was out of order so I ended up leaving the baby in the buggy, unstrapping my son and taking him a level (4 steps) to the bar to order my coffee. I took my son because had I left him strapped in the buggy he would have started arching his back and becoming agitated. The buggy was only about 12 feet away from where I was standing at the bar. My boy was toddling about, within a few feet of me while I waited to be served. A lady bought a coffee and was walking past me to her table with it, I saw my son walk round a large pillar and could possibley walk into her path. I warned the lady and said "oooh ! careful" and pointed my son. She walked past him and said loudly "He shouldn't be walking about !"

So I followed her to her seat and asked her why my son should not walk about.

Her "Its not me that says it, its this place."

Me "But YOU said it, what do you expect me to do with him when I place my order ?"

Her "Can't you strap him in a buggy?"

Me "No I will not strap my child down for your convenience>"

Her "I didn't want to step on him"

Me "All you had to do was look where you were going, I warned you he was there."

and then it carried on for another 2 minutes.

So, was I BU ????

I'm gonna get slaughtered, but I am intrigued as to whether or not you think I was out of order.

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:27

yeah I think I was now

OP posts:
ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar · 11/01/2011 22:27

Jumping has spelled it out perfectly. You drew attention to your DS. Probably if you hadn't made a show of pointing him out, she'd have said nothing and just adopted a cutsbumface. You gave her an opening to air her views.

A1980 · 11/01/2011 22:27

YABU

I haven't read the whole thread as I don't have time.

But I will say that I am fed up with the way that cofee shops and resturants have become playgrounds for kids to wander about. People are ordering hot drinks and carrying trays back to their tables. It is not safe to have a young child wandering around at peoples feet. Bear in mind people might not be able to see the child when carrying a tray and I wager you'd scram and shout if anyone spilled a hot drink on your precious DC?

Starbucks is beyond a joke. In one of my local Starbucks mother's regulary take their babies out of the buggies, lay blankets on the floors and let them crawl around. This is at people's feet who are walknig past them with drinks trays. Have they never heard of going to each others houses for coffee?

In a way I blame the establishments, they should tell them to control their children and not treat it like their home.

You had one baby in a buggy TWELVE feet away and one child wandering around as he won't behave if left in a buggy. IMO you weren't in control of your DC's and you should have left him strapped in. If your son wont behave in an adult establishment for 5 monutes while you order a coffee, you shouldn't be going in at all.

kittywise · 11/01/2011 22:27

giving coke to your 18month old is shit.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:29

Miserable bugger, I bet you're fun to go out for a brew with!

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 11/01/2011 22:30

Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, the BU Demons have been cast out of our dear sister OnEdge.

readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 22:30

I dont doubt she sounded nasty to you, but she prob got the hump because you were telling her to steer clear of your child, which clearly wasnt right with you as you state, else you could've just put a protective arm round to highlight that he wouldnt get in the way.
Why not let him walk to the pub holding your hand, then he's had his leg stretch in preparation for having to be in there with grown ups? People are far more likely to expect a toddler walking outside than in a pub, plus you'd be holding hands anyway.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:30

Kitty - I didn't I was joking having been accused of being a chav

OP posts:
kittywise · 11/01/2011 22:31

Good, I'm glad about that!

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:32

You lot are just pissed off that i won't have a slanging match , I LOVE it Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:33

what does that mean madam ?

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 11/01/2011 22:33

Look, OP was not being evil with her ds, just a bit self-centred, woman was annoyed and got arsey, OP threw her toys out of the pram....

No ones finest moment, clearly. OP has realised this. Time to draw a line?

penguin73 · 11/01/2011 22:34

But we thought you loved slanging matches-or is that only with old ladies who make truthful observations about your parenting abilities?

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:34

reading I wasnt telling her to steer clear, I was alerting her that he was near bye.

i think I was being good Mum letting him have a walk rather than using the buggy to keep him in one place, now to me, that is crap.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 11/01/2011 22:35

It means, OnEdge, that you have acknowledged that you probably were being unreasonable. Good for you.

readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 22:35

A1980, I think people have truely forgotten that you can have a cup of tea at your mate's house. Or there's a lot of prestige accorded to going out for coffee with mums you dont know incredibly well. Personally, I would rather have my close friends round for a cuppa. To be fair tho, its hard for first time mums, and you do tend to gravitate to places you know etc etc. Not that this has any relevance to a mum of 3 in a pub, I was just thinknig about your Starbucks gripe, which I share wholeheartedly. Altho some branches actually do storytime you know Hmm

kittywise · 11/01/2011 22:35

HAS she realised this?

KatieMiddleton · 11/01/2011 22:36

YABU. How unseemly to have a public row!

I agree with everything A1980 said about parents thinking their children are so much more important than everyone else. I had to abandon Starbucks the other day because 22mo DS (who will usually sit next to me nicely on a sofa in a coffee shop) started running amok. It wasn't safe for him or fair on other people even if a nice lady tried a game of peep-o with him. It was a bugger to leave a full cup of coffee that I needed but such is life.

FWIW I'd have carried DS or left him in the buggy in same senario.

MadameDefarge · 11/01/2011 22:36

But sadly, I was clearly wrong.

Its fine to let your ds have a toddle in a a mostly empty pub. Its not fine to expect other people to jump to order when you tell them. That's all.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:36

What is the problem with mixing adults with children ? We live in a society and there are children in it, I am not hiding mine away in my house just in case someone might walk near him carrying a hot brew.

OP posts:
Ladyofthehousespeaking · 11/01/2011 22:37

I think you need to wind your neck in tbh

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:38

It was a mostly empty pub, there were only about 8 people in it, and its huge.

I didn't expect her to jump to order, I warned her nicely that there was a toddler nearbye.

OP posts:
readinginsteadnow · 11/01/2011 22:38

Yes, strapped in a buggy is crap, we'd all agree. But so is going to have an adult brunch with a little one who needs to stretch his legs. Its all about compromise, you know that.I've made some blinding errors of judgement in the past, but we live and learn.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 22:38

wind your own neck in tbh !!

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 11/01/2011 22:39

Kitty, I thought I saw light at the end of the tunnel....

Children are children, you are in charge of them, not other adults, get it?