to have removed DD when H was shouting at her?

[HarryDan]

DD is six, and can be provocative/challenging in her behaviour - deliberately will full, if you will.

At dinner she poured (quite alot) of salt over her food, even when asked not to. Dh snapped at her then told her not to eat it, she then dipped food in it and continued eating (i.e, ignored him).

I know how frustrating it is to be ignored by children, but he began shouting at her. I asked him to leave it, but he continued, so I left the room as I didn't agree with him, but didn't want to undermine him. He wasn't continuously shouting, but his voice was raised.

I went upstairs and heard him tell her to finish her dinner - she then went behind his back (while he was loading the dishwasher) and threw most of her dinner in the bin. The entire thing wasn't covered in salt, so it was perfectly edible, and we don't really take kindly to wasting food.

DH lost the plot and began screaming at her, really loosing his temper & at this point I felt he was taking it too far, came back in the room and intervened. I took her out of the room, and told him that he was being a bully, and that he shouldn't scream at anyone like that. You wouldn't scream at your family or colleagues like that, so it's not OK to scream at a six year old like that :(

He told me to fuck off, I was very calm and took her upstairs and told her that although she must listen to him (re: food etc) its not OK for anyone to shout at her like that. She was really upset (which she can play up when getting told off, as all children do) and DD1 was also in tears. I could see they were both frightened.

DH has gone out - I assume not talking to me, and is obviously vexed that I undermined him as he feels she doesn't respect him,

My question is, did I do the right thing?

This thread is very interesting for highlighting the different ways we all see things and the responses we deem desirable or necessary.

It does depend on the child, I find. We could jolly DS1 out of any passing mood, but DS2 would escalate whatever you did. Only putting him in his room so that he could have his tantrum without losing face ever worked. Very frustrating.

Oh dad was all right. He was so drunk he bounced over the bannisters, fell flat on his back and didn't feel a thing. Certainly made mama scream and drop the dinner, though.

That's true, Chickens, it does depend on the child too. But still no need to shout etc (best to go down the bottom of the garden and kick things when they can't see)

You would have been my hero when I was a nipper, Hully. I only ever dreamed of attempted murder

Indeed, Hully. I confess to being a shouty, stroppy type myself, so DS2 can hardly be blamed for his temperament. The rictus grin is your friend in these situations. DH and DS1 are considering emigrating.

I didn't mean to murder him (or only a bit) I just wanted to get that big old red shouting face away.

I should just say that he was lovely until he became a drunk (feel guilty about not painting the full picture even though no one cares).

I watched "Stepfather" last night on Sky. You wouldn't want one like that.

One must differentiate between manners and politeness etc (essential) and silliness (best subverted).

Trouble is, we all have different ideas about what behaviours belong in which camp.

Harrydan, have to go make foodstuffs, but my last advice is drink more wine, sing and dance, and cackle maniacally in the corner.

LeQueen - there aren't any misbehaviors that deserve smacking - medium smacks or big smacks. NONE.

What's having a crack?

There's a good book called Playful Parenting which is very helpful when it comes to diffusing/avoiding confrontations.

The man has no idea about parenting more than one child (that chapter is rubbish) , but still well worth a look.

6 is a tricky age, IMO

I do shout on occasion, it is a weakness of mine, but I am working on it.

I find going into the kitchen an flicking the DSs the bird behind their backs is a good stress-reliever

meant flicking the V's, not the bird

Having a crack = attempting, trying to do something; a colloquialism

doubt anyone's reading anyway .....

I thought the Vs WAS the bird

I think the bird is 1 finger, which one should never do to one's child, even behind their back

aha I see

I am SO not down wiv the yooof innit

[old gimmer]

Obviously I don't know exactly how HarryDan's dh behaved, but my df sometimes really loses his temper and gets very aggressive and intimidating, and once really screamed at me when I was about 15, and frankly I was frightened of him. I can't imagine how any amount of naughtiness could justify that sort of behaviour towards a 6 year old.