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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to NOT want my student son to have a part time job?

511 replies

PrincessRollo · 09/01/2011 21:01

My husband supports me and my DS from a previous marriage. DS is in his second year of a Chemical Engineering Degree and lives away from home in a shared student flat. We own our own business, and are in a position to be able to support DS through his five year course. I met OH when DS was seven and to my utter disappointment and heartache, they have never had a particularly close relationship (to the point of causing many arguments in our marriage. I never thought it would be 'The Waltons', for one thing not enough kids...but I didn't expect them to be at such opposite ends of the spectrum. OH is a worker, DS is an academic.) However, OH has no problem supporting DS through Uni; we pay his rent and food bills. Up until last month DS had a part time job in Pizza Hut which paid his social life, extras etc. He has now given up this job, citing too much study, and promises to try to get a placement during the summer (not guaranteed.) Chem Eng is a HARD degree, and I do not want DS studies to suffer due to having to work part time. OH disagrees and says there is nothing stopping him getting another job in Asda etc. DS is not asking for more money from us - I don't know how he will cope but I guess he will buy cigs instead of food. This is causing real strain and DS and OH are now not speaking until DS gets another job.

Piggy in the middle asking for some advice.

Thanks

OP posts:
readywithwellies · 09/01/2011 22:36

Which side have you put me on? Am I a goodie or a baddie? Are you gonna tell me to get lost too?

expatinscotland · 09/01/2011 22:36

No way, ready, she only saves that for special folks. Wink

Original poster
PrincessRollo · 09/01/2011 22:37

Anyfucker (charming name btw) I don't actually care what you think.

And neither does anyone else here, judging by the number of replies to your posts. ie..NIL.

I may be new to Mumsnet, but I know a bully when I see one.

OP posts:
readywithwellies · 09/01/2011 22:37

Just because people disagree with you, there is no need to get abusive. If that is the way you deal with your DH, I can see why you have issues, tbh

AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 22:37

and she called me nasty ?

bwah-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaaa

Original poster
PrincessRollo · 09/01/2011 22:38

Christ, you are all at it.

Forget it. Came for some advice, left totally confused by 'Mum's' net.

Some forum.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 09/01/2011 22:39

'Anyfucker (charming name btw) I don't actually care what you think.

And neither does anyone else here, judging by the number of replies to your posts. ie..NIL.

I may be new to Mumsnet, but I know a bully when I see one.'

Yep, you don't care, so that's why you continue to get aggro and be personally insulting.

Yep, AF's the 'bully^.

She has a long reputation of it, too, except at Christmas, when she hands out mince pies.

Could be that no one is responding her to her because, well, she's not the OP!

readywithwellies · 09/01/2011 22:39

Princess - going out for a fag, bbs Grin

Violethill · 09/01/2011 22:39

PMSL at spenguin's Mrs Merton reference!!!

pinkstinks · 09/01/2011 22:39

HI, im at uni at the moment and I have a job, i work at the university though (SU Bar) and they are so helpful and flexible in regards to uni work. You sign up for your own shifts (min 2 a week) but you can do as many as you wish/there are.
The rate of pey is extremely good as holiday is included in your pay and you can work in the day or night whatever is easist (open til 4am on weekends!)Bar is closed over the holidays so you are never expected to be at work when you could be visiting home!
Also they never let third years work past april of their final year so as not to distract from revision. And shifts can be swopped with other workers really easily if something comes up.
Its the most fun job I have ever had, and theyy really look after their students. And its well above minimum wage!!
Could this possible be an option for your DS?

AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 22:40

PR...I didn't ask for any replies

where are you looking ?

it is you that asked for replies then spat the dummy out when you didn't hear everyone say how truly marvelllous you are

I withdraw my previous apology

your posts really are patronising and I will add boasting and bragging and santimonious to boot

report that Smile

Laquitar · 09/01/2011 22:41

My brother and my cousin both came in uk to study at the same time. Brother studied medicine, cousin enginering. Brother didn't have any help and worked all the way, cousin had everything paid incl fags, booze and condoms by his parents. He never finished the studies! In the end he said it is too hard and gave up! They are both 40 now and back home. Brother is a top specialist, cousin is unemployed living with his parents (at the age of 40).

Will be crazy to pay for his fags, no matter what he studies.

Also i think you are unfair to dh. Why does he have to support you both?

readywithwellies · 09/01/2011 22:41

Expat - Confused have I walked into an ambush?

hatwoman · 09/01/2011 22:43

I did a masters recently at a notoriously hard-working, intensive RG uni. I studied about 40 hours a week and spent the rest of my time looking after dds and having a bit of a social life. (and got a distinction) I don't believe that anyone doesn;t have time for a p-t job while studying full-time. it just take organisation and, possibly, some sacrifices.

AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 22:43

is now the time to pick apart the OP ?

perhaps not...

ok then, I will Grin

My husband supports me and my DS from a previous marriage.

oh dear Smile

Laquitar · 09/01/2011 22:43

Ah you are new but you talk about reputations Hmm

expatinscotland · 09/01/2011 22:44

[beats ready about head with a pair of Joules wellies (some of them are more expensive than Hunter's, ya know? Wink]

AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 22:45

I wear Dunlop's meself

University of Life you know Wink

Spenguin · 09/01/2011 22:46
expatinscotland · 09/01/2011 22:46

I use my Child Benefit to buy Aigles for every member of the family including the cats. I just didn't know what to do after every room had a flatscreen telly.

Doramustdie · 09/01/2011 22:46

Having read nothing of this thread. I promise I'll go back. During my second year I inherited a not to be sniffed at amount of money, only to be collected age 21. I was 19 and still had 3 years of study to go. My parents put their hands up, told me they would pay no more rent, no more living expenses. I had my own money....
I wasn't even going to to get a sniff for 2 more years. I was basically on my own. So I got 2 part time jobs. One in the SU cafe and one in a pub. My focus completely went away from French and Fench Lit into survival and trying to, study, work and socialize in that order. My degree went first.
If I was a parent in the same circumstance I would pay out for the degree.

AnyFucker · 09/01/2011 22:47

dora, with respect, you need to go back Smile

GoodDaysBadDays · 09/01/2011 22:48

Only got about half way through this thread but it strikes me that you keep mentioning your dh being his step dad and it being a 'step issue' but it seems to me that the issues you're having are parenting and relationship issues that can affect bio and step families.

IMO you are putting too much emphasis on the 'step parent' part and maybe are making an issue out of something that your dh and ds may have no problem with.

You have a difference in opinion with your dh on a parenting issue and to make him seem the unreasonable one you say it's because they have a poor 'step' relationship Hmm

WRT your op, could he get a job in the holidays? My brother worked every holiday at home throughout uni and went full time when he finished until he got his first 'proper (degree related) job'

He has his food and rent paid and is not asking for more atm? Leave him be.

readywithwellies · 09/01/2011 22:51

Arrgggghhhhh! My wellies are from Asda. Smile I think that Princess has retreated to her castle.

GoodDaysBadDays · 09/01/2011 22:51

Ah should have kept reading Grin

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