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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left DS sobbing in bed?

70 replies

mumbar · 09/01/2011 19:10

DS is 6yo and starting to push many boundaries. He especially seems just to almost disregard anything I've said like hes not heard it.

Anyway tonight I said he could stay up a little later and watch a little of Dancing on Ice as he had a long lie in this morning.

He was in the lounge and I was in the kitchen (off the lounge) washing up. He asked me to shut the kitchen door. I said to turn the TV up if he needed too and he said 'No, I want you to push the door shut'. I reiterated what I had said and said I wanted to watch it too.

Hethen asked if he could switch off the lights and get his blanket. I said 'yes, but you must sit on the sofa as I have got a coffee on the table.'

I turned around from washing up 2 minutes later and he was prancing around in the dark in the lounge, arms everywhere, and hadn't even got his blanket.

So I told him he had to go to bed as if he wanted to stay up he would have been nicer to me and would have listened. He cried, I gave him a kiss, told him what a great job he had done tidying his room (trying to end it on a positive).

He was crying when I left the room and is now doing a fake hysterical wail. Actually that has stopped since starting this post and now he is banging (not hard) on the wall.

I'm ignoring. AIBU??

OP posts:
compo · 09/01/2011 19:13

Aw bless him
he was just dancing to the tv
did it matter he hadn't got his blanket?
Go and give him a cuddle

mumto2andnomore · 09/01/2011 19:14

Does sound like you were a bit harsh to be honest, he didnt do anything that bad :(

Maybe you could have sat with him and done the washing up when he was in bed ?

Littlepurpleprincess · 09/01/2011 19:14

Mountains and molehills springs to mind. Pick you battles, he wasn't doing anything actually bad was he?

Are you already stressed out? I tend to over-react at the little things if I'm already annoyed.

CeliaFate · 09/01/2011 19:16

I think yab a bit u because he was just enjoying the programme. Perhaps because he's pushing his boundaries, you're setting yours a little too firmly? I'd go and see him and let him have one last chance to watch a few minutes of Dancing on Ice.

bubbles12 · 09/01/2011 19:17

I think it is quite sweet that he wanted to dance to the tv.
Probably a cuddle is in order.

tigitigi · 09/01/2011 19:17

Mine do this from time to time (much younger though and I am waiting for it to get this bad!).

He deliberately tried to wind you up and wanted a rise out of you. You have not played ball by disciplining him and now he is trying to get things back on his terms. Wait until the banging has calmed down then go straight up and give him a kiss, say how proud you are that he tidied his room and calmed down like a big boy.

Tomorrow is another day.

mutznutz · 09/01/2011 19:17

Way too harsh. He's six and was enjoying the show...they do get distracted at that age. I'm not saying you shouldn't have pulled him up or been annoyed, but I feel that punishment doesn't fit the crime Sad

LucyJones · 09/01/2011 19:18

Big over reaction
my six yr old is snuggled with his dad watching it
he was dancing around the room earlier
non issue IMO

SecretSlattern · 09/01/2011 19:18

I am dealing with the same guff from DD1 this week. She is 6yo and tends to have selective hearing. Ask her to do something (or not) and she looks at me and answers. Twenty minutes later she is pleading that she didn't hear me and I'm horrible etc etc.

DH was the strict one of us, but now he is falling for her tricks. This week she has had terrible stomach ache, hasn't wanted to go to school, feels sick, has a sore throat. It's all tactics and I refuse to put up with it anymore. These are all excuses to not go to bed btw.

I think you are right to do as you have done and right to be ignoring it now but only because I feel your pain and am facing it myself.

hairyfairylights · 09/01/2011 19:22

As others suggest, pick your battles, this one doesn't seem to be such a big deal, you could have moved your coffee, let him 'prance about' (presumably it was a mimick of the ice skating?), then sent him to bed later.

I'd ignore his current behaviour (the banging) as he seems to be getting a lot of attention so far for bad behaviour already.

narkypuffin · 09/01/2011 19:23

It's up to you how strict you want to be, but I think YABU because you never gave a clear warning of the consequences. If you had said at any point, "Ds, if you don't do what I ask you'll be going to bed early," it would have been fair

prettyfly1 · 09/01/2011 19:24

Have you had a bad day with him? Only reason i ask is that really isnt that bad. Unfortunately in this instance yes I do think you are being a bit unreasonable - he was dancing around. Most six year olds do it, it wasnt exactly gross misconduct of the highest order. Like the others have said - ignore.

Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 19:25

No not streesed at all. I have had enough of him just blantently not doing what he's asked, actually when he askes for favours, treats/ extras etc spoiling them by pushing for more and more. He was not dancing to the TV, there was an add on, that is why he had got up.

Yes sounds lovely doing the washing up/ cleaning up after dinner when he's in bed, but I have to iron tonight and got a uni assignment due end of the week. Must iron tonight as work and school clothes.

I chose then to do it as was ads and people talking. I had planned to cuddle down with him/ Tv and coffee when they were dancing.

celia your right in the one more chance but he had 3 when he was up.

I do think I have done something wrong in raising him. He just doesn't engage or respond to people. Yesterday someone said his name, he looked at them, listened to their question and then looked back at the menu in his hand and just disregarded the fact they needed an answer.

A child in year 2 should be able to follow the simple skills of question/ answer, instruction/action. Sad

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 09/01/2011 19:25

He's just trying it on, give him a cuddle now and he'll wail and bang about twice as much next time.

Even if you were being harsh, it's done now, so pandering to him will only teach him that tantruming gets him attention.

Sazisi · 09/01/2011 19:27

I don't think you were so harsh: my reading of it is, he was allowed to stay up late as a bit a treat but started misbehaving and so lost the privilege of staying up; am I right?
Fair enough imo. I'd go up and and have chat to him if he doesn't settle, make sure he understands your point of view.

AgentZigzag · 09/01/2011 19:28

'A child in year 2 should be able to follow the simple skills of question/ answer, instruction/action'

hehe, DD1 who'e 10 is just getting to grips with this one Grin

You could try giving him only one chance, make it clear he'll not get another, and keep to your word?

llbeanj · 09/01/2011 19:28

sounds like a reasonable one to me - he's been acting up so he goes to bed at his normal time instead of being given extra time to watch tv.

if you deal with the smaller things then its good practice for the bigger ones. tomorrow he will know that you mean what you say.

BluddyMoFo · 09/01/2011 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

narkypuffin · 09/01/2011 19:31

He's your child. You can set the limits where you wart them. I would warn him of the consequences though. It might help him make the connection between his behaviour and the punishment, rather than just seeing at as you beong mean/unfair.

narkypuffin · 09/01/2011 19:33

Wow. Wart and beong. Want and being even.

Original poster
mumbar · 09/01/2011 19:37

oh lots more posts as I responded.

He had been given a clear warning.

He wasn't dancing to the TV there was a talking add on.

This ignoring is going on a lot. Actually its not ignoring more just disregarding it as if it was never said.

secret slattern As your going through it too you can probably picture the scene.

I actually had no problem with him dancing but I said with a least one light on, if he wanted them off then he had to sit.

FWIW I was about to take all you lovely ladies advice and go and talk to him about it, when he got up and went to the loo, followed by storming in here and telling me 'I ruined his whole night by not letting him do what he wanted' I tried to say again that he was told dancing with lights or sitting in dark. He said ' well I didn't want to, its not up to you what I do' Shock.

He is back in bed with a suggestion he considers that he is not the only person that lives here.

Right ironing board is out, I'll keep coming back in between!!

OP posts:
toddlerama · 09/01/2011 19:42

Well judging by the attitude he just gave you, your instincts were right! He wasn't just having fun, he was being disobedient and disrespectful in my view. I would have done the same. Staying up is a privilege.

FabbyChic · 09/01/2011 19:48

wow

So there he was dancing to the TV and you sent him to bed? What does he have to be glued to the sofa then? How mean are you?

tigitigi · 09/01/2011 19:52

mumbar - poor you. You have been doing the right thing as his subsequent behaviour proved. Hope things settle down with him in the future.

Perhaps a more long term strategy might help - a treat at the end of the day if he behaves/ follows instruction etc and a big one at the end of the week if he gets more than 6 good days a week. He gets to choose from a range of evening and weekend treats each week as a goal.

kitbit · 09/01/2011 19:53

I tend to cut my 6 year old some slack on some occasions, tonight after a big active weekend was such a time. A bit of back chat and refusal to eat dinner, but if I confront head on it would have been war, and not easily resolved tonight. Instead the back chat got short shrift but the grumpiness and refusing to eat got a calm but firm diversion and I'll talk to him in the morning about it when he's not knackered and has calmed down a bit (hyper).

If I'd pushed the point we would have ended up with a similar situation and all caused by something that didn't really matter. Agree with picking battles, and also think you might have been a tad heavy handed (and his outburst was a reaction to that, 6 year olds have a strong sense of justice), but you also know your child and your acceptable boundaries.